im worried about my friend

tattoed_bum

Im getting really worried about my friend ,she is texting a guy from a dating site this has been going on for 3 months now and i know some of the texts and videos they are sending one another are of the x rated sort ,
now they have arranged to meet up about 10 times now and each time he has found an excuse not to turn up , first of all he was caught up at work and could'nt get away ,then there was trouble with his daughter ,then a sickness bug ,and then there was the excuse that his work had messed up his wages so he was skint .
Then there was he was supposed to arrive but could'nt as someone had stolen his 3 mobile phones ,
Now all this is really ringing alarm bells with me .
But if i say anything she is biting my head of ,she is being really miserable and behaving totally out of character.If he doesnt answer a text she is becoming really down and agitated .
She say's she loves him and wants to move closer to him to be with him she has even been to the council to see if she can get a house transfer ,
she has even told her son about this guy .

Am i just being overly suspisious but to me it seems as if this guy has no intention of ever meeting her .

One part of me just wants her to be happy ,but the other part of me is cringing at the thought of her moving and this guy being married or something and her being left on her own in a town she doesnt know .

Do i just leave her to do what she wants and tell her i will be here if she needs me ,or do i try to get her to see reason

vik6525

He's married....

Id bet my @ss on it....



Eta...
Shes a grown woman, you've got to let her do what she thinks is best. Just tell her you'll be there for her no matter what....

jayneair_2

Sounds very worrying. Especially to think she loves him without even meeting him and has even told her son!

anguk

vik6525 wrote: »

He's married....

Id bet my @ss on it....

I agree, I reckon there's lots of married men on these singles sites just there for a cheap thrill. If this guy was single and cared for her even a little bit he would have found a way to meet up. Has your friend been single for long? Maybe she's lonely and a bit desperate for a relationship and this is clouding her judgement. She's daft considering moving near him when she hasn't even met him face to face. :eek:

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do other than be there for her when reality hits home. I think she probably knows deep down that she's being used but doesn't want to admit it to herself which is why she bites your head off when you say anything.

Mojisola

He could be married or, if he's sent her a photo, maybe he doesn't look anything like the picture and is embarrassed to meet her!

Pssst

Its dodgy of course but then you and your friend know that.

Shes locked in a psychological trap. Is she lonely and/or depressed? Shes clutching at straws.

This person could be anyone. Man,woman,boy,girl ,married? almost certainly.

Hes just getting his jollies on the cheap.

All you can do is advise. Shes an adult and will do what she will do.

annie_d

Without a shadow of a doubt he is married

mrcow

Tell her the truth.

He's just some joker who wants to get off on text sluttery/!!!!!!.

Usually you have to pay £2.50 per text for this sort of stuff. And she's giving it to him for free.

He must be laughing himself silly.

He's probably married. Has no intention of meeting her or doing anyting else with her and as a grown woman, she should know better!

belfastgirl23

No point in getting into him being married with her. Say it once and say that you won't say it again but that it's pretty clear that's what's going on. If you keep going on about it you'll only alienate her and she won't come to you when she needs you.

Of course she knows it anyway assuming she has any ability to think at all, it's so obvious that it's almost an insult to her to say it at all. But for yourself you have to say it once. Obviously she's choosing to pretend otherwise, but she can't not know.

I'm assuming there's a lot wrong in her life generally to have her clutching at straws like this. Instead of focusing on this relationship, is it possible for you to help her find things in her own life that are good? Spending time with her and her son, even if it's only going to the park? I also wouldn't encourage her to talk about this 'relationship' too much, instead I'd try to get her talking about other things and people in her life.

She's lucky to have a friend like you!

tattoed_bum

thanks for the reply's i was begining to wonder if i was being to suspicious ,
she has been single for a long time ,i have said in the past that these dating sites wont find her the man of her dreams , she just doesn't want to see sense at all .
this guy could be telling her anything and she believes it .

i am majorly annoyed that she told her son about him ,to me kids should be kept out of things like this until there is some sort of commitment but maybe i'm just a bit old fashioned that way

tattoed_bum

sorry belfast girl we cross posted ,there is only her and her son ,her siblings are all a lot older than her and her parents died a long time ago ,
she comes to my house every day and we go shopping and cooking and just general stuff together ,
she also seems to have lost interest in her son ,she never has been a maternal person or to me it seems a very loving person ,she doesnt kiss or cuddle her son she never has but lately it's getting worse ,it's as if she has no time for him at all now