****Bank Holiday Chat! May 22 and onwards! Whoooop!***

bookseller1980

beanielou wrote: »

Awww Gemmzie.
Ive got one of those balls at last

what ball?

(Land_of)_Maz

is there nothing near the school that you can squeeze in on the way to and from work? or as scaredy says, get mum involved... Does mum drive?

If she won't go to a class, get her to combine her weekly shop with the time of a class, she can drop you off, go shopping, then pick you up after.....

time management is a buugger i know....... especially when you don't drive.

Buffythedebtslayer

scaredy_cat wrote: »

buffy, have you thought about doing an activity for both you and your mum? it sounds like she doesn't go out or have many friends (like me!!) i was thinking of joining a local WI group. It's not all old ladies, jam and jeruselem nowadays!

We went out today and she made a few jokes about how she could escape - which !!!!ed me right off. My sister (uk) does stuff with her but she is perfect so you know :rolleyes:and she occasionally goes out with the neighbour who is a real sweetie.

She won't go out and to be honest if I do go out I want to see my friends really. I have looked in to the WI group a while ago but she didn't fancy it, she won't go swimming. I am determined to get her away for the weekend in the summer holidays. I want to go to Bath.

I am worried you all think she (or me) is really horrible and she is the complete opposite, that is part of the problem. She is literally just doing what she has always done and so I am. trouble is I am a LONG way from 14 years old. I don't want dinner every day and I don't want roast on Sundays. I know one horrible day in the future, in the long distance future I will regret saying this because I love her. however right now I just want some space, even if its to tidy up the bloody conservatory.

You see she has all these rules about when you can start "jobs" everything is a BIG problem change is BAD routine is GOOD. I am the complete opposite.

she hoardes, i don't, her version of tidy is cupboards full of crap. my version is a full on clear out and get rid of crap. It makes so angry. she makes all these little comments about how I hoarde stuff - but she fails to see I am living out of one room and have no bloody space.

I wanted to clear the back of the garden this holiday but she said no, then when I was (i thought) discussing with her about what to do in my bit she was so negative - "well you dont want to do too much" and " its a lot of work you know"

I am so determind not waste this holiday.

scaredy_cat

you're not horrible Buffy, we all need space from the person we live with.

Can you just do the jobs that you want to do, and if she starts complaining, can you say to her how that makes you feel?

ZTD

She wants what is happening now, what happened when you were fourteen, to continue for the rest of your lives.

When she gets too old to cook - then you will do it. The danger is: What is your life now, will be your life until one of you drops.

One of you wants that. One of you does not.

Buffythedebtslayer

scaredy_cat wrote: »

you're not horrible Buffy, we all need space from the person we live with.

Can you just do the jobs that you want to do, and if she starts complaining, can you say to her how that makes you feel?

I have tried and tbh I have given up. For example tutoring nights I get in about 8 in the evening I don't want dinner I want to sort myself out for the next day at work and frankly after a 12 hour day go to bed. Instead I have to rush out of tutoring and be picked up for dinner (which is a pain cos it would be a great walk) eat dinner and slob in front of TV and that doesn't much persuading I have to say - I am my own worst enemy.

I did explain it all the last time I felt like this (feb I think was the last time I felt this bad) but she doesn't understand really. I mean come off it she isn't doing anything bad - my washing and ironing are all done, my meals are cooked. Plus she is dealing with her own stuff.

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

ZTD wrote: »

She wants what is happening now, what happened when you were fourteen, to continue for the rest of your lives.

When she gets too old to cook - then you will do it. The danger is: What is your life now, will be your life until one of you drops.

One of you wants that. One of you does not.

I don't think she wants this life any more than I do. I honestly think I am being very selfish. She lost the love of her life. She is doing what makes her feel safe. change takes a long time. everything takes a long time.

I need to be a bit more patient. Rome wasn't built in a day.

It is also partly me, it is easy to go along with it all. And then moan about it. I have to make small changes.

Doomcow

yoyoyo

Doomcow is here. looks like i missed a fair whack!

whats up?

scaredy_cat

you aren't selfish Buffy. Would she be open to small comprimises at first, to initiate changes?

Ellidee

Buffy - please forgive me for being so blunt - BUT - I feel VERY strongly that you should get a place of your own - even if it's only a bedsit or a room. For your own health and wellbeing - it is more important than dealing with your debt imho. You need to be able to live your own life - be independent- please yourself etc etc. I know it won't be easy and your Mum won't like it but this is YOUR life and you need to put yourself first. XX