Advice wanted on seeing in-laws during maternity leave

oramgepekoe

kimmi_b wrote: »

We do see a lot of them at the moment, probably twice a month so she has a good relationship with DD and hopefully the same with DS when he arrives but it always involves us travelling over to see them, never the other way round. EDIT: we have asked them countless times to come see us - for lunch or dinner - they always decline because they have a dog and don't like to leave him on his own at all (Dog can't come to ours because we have a cat and MIL/FIL aren't happy about the dog being left outside while we keep Cat shut inside).

Can't MIL come on her own and leave FIL at home with the dog.

MX5huggy

Can you not leave the cat shut in a bed room while the dog is there? or make sure the dog can't get upstairs? (stair gate)

My cat who unfortunately my parents had to adopt (it was the cat or the GF now wife they chose the cat!) whole time is spent checking where the dog is the dog is not even aware that there is a cat it the house! she has upstairs and the dog down then the UN blue helmets (mum) come in and set up a no fire zone so she can slip out of a downstairs window. Before the dog arrived she did jump from the upstairs window she had been eyeing up this move for weeks, it clearly caused he some discomfort as she slept for 3 days after!

GracieP

Is it possible that the more time you spend with your in-laws the more relaxed you will become with them? When I was a child my parents took us to my dad's parents Tuesday and Saturday evenings and my mum's parents Wednesday and Sunday evenings. We also usually saw each of my grandparents at least once more each week as my parents would take them shopping. And we saw my mother's maternal grandparents at least monthly as well.

I was the first grandchild on both sides so as more were born my aunts and uncles tended to visit my grandparents on the same days, so we got to see our cousins and aunt and uncles regularly and grow really close to them. As a result we have this really close family where all my family really "know" each other. I used to be really confused about people who didn't see their grandparents so often as seeing mine was one of my very favourite things in my childhood.

I don't know how my parents did it as my dad also played rugby so trained at least twice a week and had matches at weekends. My mum also made an effort to go to dance classes/aerobics/bingo at least once a week. I know there were times when my mum was driven crazy by my dad's parents. I remember plenty of times that she would be a barrel of frustration on the journey home, swearing we would never go back again,:eek:, though we always did. But ultimately my parents wanted us to be close to our extended families and I'm really, really glad they made that effort.

louise540056

I would get your husband to read this thread so he can see all sides of this! He probably has no idea about how knackered you are actually going to be- and it is a bit lame that they can't come because of the dog! There are loads of ways around that! It sounds like maybe MIL likes to feel that people are making the effort for her- which is fine in some ways- but not when you have 2 tiny children to cart about!

choccybuttons

Hi

Have you thought that DH mum doesnt want to intrude but would love to be invited. Hubbys mums tend to tread carfully around their sons wives as they are fearful of upsetting them and causing problems. I live near my MIL and my parents live in england (we are in ireland) and she never pops round incase she's intruding - MIL and wives can be difficult relationship. Perhaps your MIL hasnt even mentioned anything but DH thinks she is missing out. Perhaps on the weekend your not visiting them you could ivite her to do something with you and the kids.

kimmi_b

choccybuttons wrote: »

Hi

Have you thought that DH mum doesnt want to intrude but would love to be invited. Hubbys mums tend to tread carfully around their sons wives as they are fearful of upsetting them and causing problems. I live near my MIL and my parents live in england (we are in ireland) and she never pops round incase she's intruding - MIL and wives can be difficult relationship. Perhaps your MIL hasnt even mentioned anything but DH thinks she is missing out. Perhaps on the weekend your not visiting them you could ivite her to do something with you and the kids.

I have already said that we have invited them round on many an occasion but they either won't visit because of leaving the dog alone, or bring him and leave him in the car/back garden and can only stay a short while because of that. So really our only option is to go to theirs with the children so they can see them properly rather than a fleeting visit.

As for the weekends when we aren't visiting with them, they are currently spent just the 3 of us (4 when DS arrives) and I don't plan to change that. OH and I both work full-time (although I have just started maternity leave this week), so to keep 2 weekends a month to ourselves for 'family' time is not unreasonable! As much as I like my in-laws, I don't want to spend EVERY weekend with them :rotfl:

Thanks to everyone who has posted with an opinion. I'm currently awaiting the arrival of DS, DD is still with her childminder allowing me to rest up before the birth (by rest I mean get the house in order and all the ironing done ). Once DS has arrived and OH is on paternity leave, I shall discuss it further with him and will suggest a compromise of visiting his parents once a fortnight during the week, late afternoon. That way DD won't miss any playgroups which are usually mid-morning, OH can meet us there after he has finished work and we can invite ourselves to stay for dinner saving me the hassle of having to worry about getting an evening meal sorted :T Coupled with a fortnightly 'weekend' visit, the in-laws will be seeing the children every week. Hopefully that will keep everyone happy. If not, then I will just show OH this thread and tell him that MIL/FIL can visit us here and find someone to look after the dog for a few hours instead!!

kimmi_b

MX5huggy wrote: »

Can you not leave the cat shut in a bed room while the dog is there? or make sure the dog can't get upstairs? (stair gate)

My cat who unfortunately my parents had to adopt (it was the cat or the GF now wife they chose the cat!) whole time is spent checking where the dog is the dog is not even aware that there is a cat it the house! she has upstairs and the dog down then the UN blue helmets (mum) come in and set up a no fire zone so she can slip out of a downstairs window. Before the dog arrived she did jump from the upstairs window she had been eyeing up this move for weeks, it clearly caused he some discomfort as she slept for 3 days after!

I can keep the cat shut in but the dog catches a scent of him and goes insane - he is a large overweight Labrador and to try and control him in our small house with a toddler and a newborn to watch out for is nigh impossible! We've had him round before and he just goes mental when kept on the lead and told to lie on the floor. He is used to being allowed to sit on the furniture and go wherever he wants at his house. I don't understand why he can't be kept in the garden while they are visiting - apparently this is unfair on him - it must be cos I am a Cat person but I just don't understand the logic, especially as when he is at home he spends most of his day sunbathing in the garden!! Lol.

floss2

kimmi_b wrote: »

......MIL/FIL can visit us here and find someone to look after the dog for a few hours instead!!

OK, so what is more important to your in-laws....:rolleyes:

Personally, I would be offering to leave doggie at home & coming to help out either with housework or with either child to allow you time with the other, or even allowing you to go & have a sleep.......but I'm not a granny yet (and I hope my DS's have no plans to make me one just yet!)

kimmi_b

floss2 wrote: »

OK, so what is more important to your in-laws....:rolleyes:

Personally, I would be offering to leave doggie at home & coming to help out either with housework or with either child to allow you time with the other, or even allowing you to go & have a sleep.......but I'm not a granny yet (and I hope my DS's have no plans to make me one just yet!)

The dog is more important! I had to bite my tongue last week when FIL complained that the dog had been shut in the kitchen while DD was eating her lunch in the lounge, poor little girl would have had him scrounging food off her otherwise!!