The house of tiny tearaways, what do you think?

Quackers

Feisty_Fairy wrote:

Hi again

I do need help with my boys and anyone that has read my previous threads will know i struggle with them, i just thoght that this programme may help me but im not too sure how my family will feel about it.

If it help you to improve your parenting skills and from that your childrens behaviour improves then surely it can only be a good thing?

I dont watch it and think 'aren't they bad parents' I watch these shows and admire the parents for wanting to change to help their childrens future.

There is nothing wrong in admitting you are struggling with your childrens behaviour. We have all encountered it at some stage in our childrens upbringing although some at worse levels than others. Maybe some parents aren't so willing to talk about it as some people view it as a 'taboo' subject. This doesn't help the children in the long run though does it?

I have also struggled with behavioural problems with my daughter(can you guess:p ) and am not ashamed of it. Maybe I was to begin with. Maybe thats what took me so long to ask for help. I wish I'd have asked sooner - maybe then my daughter wouldn't now be self harming at. Who knows?

My daughter was struggling and I was reacting in totally the wrong way. How, as parents are we supposed to get it right all of the time. We haven't done it before and we are bound to make mistakes. We now deal with her behaviour in a totally different way and things are now beginning to improve.

Maybe this is what you other half is struggling with - people seeing him as a bad parent? Please correct me if I'm wrong. I dont wish to offend. You need to look at how it will benefit you all as a family in the long term.

Go for it!!

margaretclare

Hi

Also try watching 'Supernanny'. A lot of it is very basic (not criticising!) Here''s what I've gleaned:

Don't shout or scream at child. Get down to child's level, make sure you have eye contact, speak clearly and directly to child, state clearly what you expect and what you want done.

Lay down clear boundaries about e.g. times for bed, times for meals, sitting at table not feeding while running around or while watching TV. Stick to these boundaries. Both parents must be of one mind - never argue in front of child.

I've also been watching another one called 'Honey we're killing the kids'. Often the children's diet, exercise (lack of!) etc are the main worries, with the effects on the child's health and projected life expectancy/health in later life. 'What will they look like at 40' is usually a huge shock.

However, there are a lot of behavioural issues addressed, not simply the unsuitable diet and lack of exercise. Again, bedtimes are insisted on, eating at a table, helping in the house, those kind of things. Often it has been a question of removing TV and playstations from a child's bedroom, and putting a time-limiter on the TV in the lounge, so that the child only gets to watch TV for a maximum 2 hours a day.

Speaking from a different generation, I think the issue of eating meals at a table without TV is a very important one. Years ago people would ask me 'How do you get your little girls to eat - my little boy refuses to eat etc'....Well, we just ate at a table. I never gave them a choice, they just ate whatever we'd cooked. Even in those days, people would try to 'persuade' a child to eat, by promising sweets etc 'if only you'll eat, darling...'

There is also research which shows that certain snack foods, junk foods, sweets and fizzy drinks actually result in behavioural problems. Children who eat a healthy school lunch rather than sweets, crisps and fizzy sweet drinks, actually perform better, concentration and behaviour is better, at school in the afternoons.

HTH

Aunty Margaret

apples1

I think Tanya is the most insightful, straightforward, professional person. If I needed help and had the chance to get it from her I would jump at the chance.

I think her programme leaves supernanny and other similar shows standing.

That said surely you would need support from those in your family to actually go ahead. If you cannot get that support or decide against going on (or don't get chosen) all the advice is available in books. I appreciate it is not as easy as hands on guidance but reading the books (or just watching the Tin Tearaways progs) will guide you. Its worth the cost of a cheap freeview box IMHO.

Feisty_Fairy

Thanks for everything so far guys, i feel a little more positive already, will have to get OH to read this thread!

Thanks again and keep em coming!

Feisty!

Rachie_B

apples1 wrote:

I think Tanya is the most insightful, straightforward, professional person. If I needed help and had the chance to get it from her I would jump at the chance.

I think her programme leaves supernanny and other similar shows standing.

That said surely you would need support from those in your family to actually go ahead. If you cannot get that support or decide against going on (or don't get chosen) all the advice is available in books. I appreciate it is not as easy as hands on guidance but reading the books (or just watching the Tin Tearaways progs) will guide you. Its worth the cost of a cheap freeview box IMHO.

i agree shes fab

im not sure if id ever go on the programme ,fingers crossed i never have reason to ! but yes she is fantastic :T

Feisty_Fairy

Hi again everyone!

Well i have had another chat with OH and he is still thinking about it, i have also mentioned it to my parents and was suprised by their reaction, there was no shouting and telling me i would disgrace the family (which is what i thought i may get). My Dad, who was the one i was more worried about said its up to me.

So thats made me more positive, im keeping my fingers crossed now and hoping i get chosen and that i can get OH to see it from my point of view.

Heres hoping!

Please do feel free to add any more thoughts and views you may have to the thread.

Kindest regards,


Feisty!

fsdss

Feisty_Fairy wrote:

I do need help with my boys and anyone that has read my previous threads will know i struggle with them, i just thoght that this programme may help me but im not too sure how my family will feel about it.

hi feisty,

i dont know if this helps you if you are near the leics border then you can contact Fun and Families programme Leicester (tel no's on county council website).
they run courses all over the county (possibly wider)

both supernanny and tanya's programmes are based on the cognitive behaviour principles of psychology. exactly what the 7 week programme that fun and families promote.

fun and families are often credited at the end of these programmes and certainly on their websites (C4 + BBC)

although i do behaviour management, i dont work for them, however professionally they are highly credited

tee_pee_2

I would def get hold of a tape of either supernanny nanny 911 or HTT they are all on a similar principle but are all v good.

I have picked up a few tit bits with my DD and could see patterns emerging with her behaviour based on things I was doing. May be watching a few episodes will be sufficient for you.

If your children are difficult to get in bed - these progs are excellent also with children who have eating disorders or throw tantrums. The progs are usuallt based on these problems.

tee_pee_2

I have just read your other posts and based on what these progs say a child who is abusive etc should be put in time out. This is where they are put in a room on their own for 1 min of their lives. so your eldest would do 7 mins. When you bring them out you bend down to their level make eye contact and in a firm voice ( never shouting) you exaplain they went in that room because they ..... and it is not accpetable and get them to apologise. if behavour cont put them back in.

I don't mean to sound like a !!!!! but are you consistent and strong with them, the reason I ask is you say you son is good at school. So he understands when he has to behave, why not ring the school and speak to his teacher see what they say to him it obvously works for them.

Goodluck

xx

Cullumpster

fsdss wrote:

although i do behaviour management, i dont work for them, however professionally they are highly credited

fsdss,
i don't want to hijack this thread at all but do you actually work with behaviour problems ? if so do you mind if i send you a PM about an issue that i'd rather not write about on here.

If not don't worry