Keeping my marriage exciting

Hardup_Hester

I would certainly not recommend dogging or swinging as a way to spice up a marriage, my ex was bored & insisted we try it, I left him.
Hugs Hester

ps if anyone has any questions about swinging etc, I'm happy to help if I can,

windswept

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart wrote: »

What do you think I do, go dogging? :rotfl:

It's all down to peoples individual perception of what "pretty kinky" means - some people would think that a position other than missionary in bed is kinky, or dressing up in stockings etc.
To me that is normal and stuff like bdsm, strap on sex, domination and chastity play etc. is what seems kinky to me, to others that would seem decidely average.
I never believe the people who say that swinging is good and healthy for their relationship, if you truly love someone, you only want them.
I could never imagine another man touching me, ever and I certainly wouldn't enjoy seeing my hubby having sex with someone else, how can you respect a partner who wants sex with lots of others people?

Pee

So we're agreed you should have the kind of sex that is exciting without being uncomfortable for both parties but this might vary from person to person.

TotallyBroke

The topic seems to have moved to just spicing up the sex life. Sometimes the lack of sex or exciting sex is because of boredom or incompatibility elsewhere.
Some people get into a rut and can't break out of that so making small insignificant changes can help. Like sitting down to eat and looking at each other while talking.

That's what happens when someone new comes along, there is face to face conversation. You start talking about the weather then it turns the conversation into more, you become more intruiged and want to know more.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

I'm not entirely sure where people got the idea that I was suggesting swinging from. Still, it's rather amusing.

For a relationship to work, two people have to be comfortable in their own skins and comfortable with each other. For some people, that's having a good meal and some conversation. For me, it's screw-me shoes and...well. That is what makes my marriage work. Seeing my husband look after himself, doing new things with him; I see him with different eyes and remember why I found him attractive in the first place. Of course we talk...but we can talk anytime.

Either way, I can very much relate to the OP and I wanted to share my experiences. She is reacting to somebody else on a physical level and I have been there. It does not have to spell the decline of a marriage.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

windswept wrote: »

That's all very well, but what happens when you run out of "new things" to try? Do you keep pushing your boundaries , getting into more and more extreme "practices" , that can be a very dangerous game in more
ways than one. Sometimes you just need good old fashioned lovemaking to re-connect - wild sex purely for recreation and excitement can be a bad thing as well as a good one. You also need deep intimacy, which very often , the more adventurous types of sex dont give you.
You can be so focussed on being wild and kinky that it actually detracts from the experience. I honestly believe that people get into swinging / group sex etc. that way, because they are always looking for something" more" .

If something turns you on, it's intimate. Nobody should do something for the sake of it. Anyone who finds what they are doing detracting from the situation is probably not that into it in the first place. You do something because you enjoy it and want to do it. If I had the same sex with my husband all the time, I would get bored with it; just as in every other area of our lives, I think our sexlife should grow with us. Not that everyone might do this - people have different preferences - but I don't see the problem with suggesting that a couple should try something new, if things are going stale. It won't solve your relationship alone, but there has been plenty of advice on the emotional side of things on this thread already.