Lost sense of direction/ identity:(

Artytarty

Yes I have considered that. I dont know that I am the easiest person in the world to get along with however. I tend to say what I am thinking sometimes!
Dog walking is a good moneymaking idea
but think I'd like to work with others- .Contradicts my first statement I know!

Oldernotwiser

Have you thought of fostering? There are all ages of children needing both full and part time care with fostering allowances paid as well.

Artytarty

I have thought about ONW but I have a friend whose parents did a lot of fostering and she has always reckoned that it was ery bad for the family dynamics.The last child her Mum took on as a baby had special needs (nowt wrong with that)and now 20 yrs later my mate has to make plans for her long term care. It was never her choice but now her Mum is too elderly to manage any more.

Oldernotwiser

But you haven't got any family at home to worry about. Don't let one individual's experience put you off as it sounds like a very unusual situation.

pickle

Why not ring find out what adult education courses the local university run? Anybody can enrol in an adult education course (it costs usually a hundred pounds or so for a two hour a week course for a semester depending on the course) and it can teach you something new and give you something to do.

frames1_uk

I know what you mean, my kids are 16 and 12 and I rarely see them, just feed them and they are off. No one else in the house and no friends as I've moved around a lot. Hmmmm, thank god for the internet!

Elsewhere

How about joining an on-line game like World of Warcraft? My grown-up children both live away now, but we get together on-line to slay monsters - find treasure
- and it's also a way of making new friends. Can't persuade my husband that it's fun, though!

(We are currently playing a free game called Planeshift, so the only outlay is the time it takes to download the game initially, and we can chat together for free using Skype while playing, as it allows conference calls.)

Pee

I might be way out here, but I get the impression that you don't feel you should be doing something for you. You seem to feel other people are more important, whether it is the husband you would like to improve your conversation for, the children you should be saving money for, the animals that mean you can hardly leave the house... It's really hard to tell from short messages, so I might have this completely wrong, but you don't have to be a martyr to everything else, you are entitled to look for and find what you want in life.

Have you said what you did before you had children and what you liked or disliked about that?

You don't want too much contact with other people. Is that a natural part of your character, or something that is just present at the moment?

I have to say it is a sure sign that my mental health is a little less balanced than normal when I want to avoid the company of others.

belfastgirl23

I agree with Pee you need to have a good long think about what you did in the past and what you liked and didn't like about it. This has to be all about you.

The other thing I was going to suggest is if you're reasonably computer literate and can do the basic phone/typing stuff, sign up with a temping agency. You would get the chance to see around a lot of different types of workplaces and it might give you a feel for what you do and don't want to do. I can also tell you from working in an organisation that gets a lot of temps, we are delighted to see an older person with a good head on their shoulders who understands how to take responsibility for their work (turn up on time, appropriately dressed and be nice to people! Also either do the job or let someone know if they are having difficulties) which many younger temps don't get at all. Sorry if I'm being ageist here

Don't be afraid to try things out and see what you do and don't like. If you're thinking of volunteering, be up front and say you're trying out different things and you'd like to see if it suits you. They'll appreciate you for being honest and you will know you can walk away if it suits. Also more importantly they'll know not to put a big resource into you so there won't be any bad feelings if you do decide it's not for you. I think you can end up paralysed by the worry of being trapped by something that doesn't suit you, so take baby steps and accept that they're baby steps.

And try to see it as exciting that a new phase is opening. If you tell yourself this enough, you will start to believe it!

And of course do post and let us know how you're getting on...

never_enough

How about a garden design course? Or some gardening type volunteering (clearing canels, laying hedges etc?) Or our local library has a mobile service run by volunteers...