Lost sense of direction/ identity:(

Artytarty

Hi, Empty nest syndrome looms!
Oh help help. I feel like I dont know who I am any more ( Mum of 3 grown ups?)
Nobody needs me! Its going to be just me home alone and a husband in the evenings immersed in sudoku!
I know I need to get out and find a purpose but I dont even know what I want any longer now that I have the time.
Possibly some part time volunteering in a charity shop? What else can I do? I havent been in paid employment for 22yrs!Self confidence isnt great at the moment either ( but not TOO bad)I know I did an important job for all those years. But what now?
I need some ideas please people.!

tanith

Just as an ice-breaker and to give you confidence how about volunteering in your local school. I have just done this at my grandaughters school and was welcomed with open arms.. mind give them an inch and they will take a mile.. I limited it to one afternoon/morning to start with and that was fine if it works out well then I will do more. If you look to see if the school has a website you can usually initially e-mail them to ask if they need anyone giving some idea of you interests. I put that I enjoyed my garden and when I went to meet up with the orgainiser she asked if I would be willing to help one of the staff with a lunch time garden club which was right up my street. They also have a DIY bird hide so I supervise the children with a teacher while they use binoculars and fill bird feeders and we birdspot.. some of them haven't a clue about the commonest birds and its rewarding how excited they get at a little sparrow...
I was in a similar position to you although I had just recently retired through ill health... but this feels like I am giving something back to my community and helping me to get motivated again...

Artytarty

Thanks for that idea tanith. I'm not so sure how I'd be with little 'uns after all these years tho'! but it is worth considering.
Funny how I seem to have lost track of what I want after all these years.I'm sure I'm not alone in this, there must be plenty of us about...sad, middle aged ladies with time on their hands?

flutterbyuk25

Do you have a local WI or village group type thing you could join? Or are there any evening/day classes you would like to do?

Both of these will lead to you (hopefully!) making new friends and skills.

For volunteering, check out http://www.do-it.org.uk/ to see what is available in your area.

Do you have any specific interests/skills? If so you could offer those services to local school/WI/community group/adult training centre/scouts/guides/etc!

Good luck

x

dieselhead

Another vote for guides/scouts brownies etc, I am a brownie leader and I am desperate for help, most people seem to work full time and can't get to brownies for 6pm and I'm sure I am not alone.

Also, I am 25 and when things go wrong or when they go right my Mum is the first person I ring. You may not be needed to wash clothes, or cook for your children any more, but they do still need you! I have rung her in tears even this week when something went wrong and she was able to reassure me there is nothing like your mum's reassurance!

Also my parents have developed an amazing social life since my brother and I left home, they discovered Salsa, and Jive and are out almost every night dancing (better social life than me) and they now have tons of friends, who share their hobby. So why not consider something similar, if dancing isn't your thing (and you don't have to be good, just willing to have fun) why not join a painting class, or walking, or what ever interests you.

Loopy_Lobes

How about volunteering at your local hospital? I'm sure they'd welcome people to 'visit' patients who don't get many visitors to chat to them or read the paper to them etc. Be aware you'd probably need police checks and such likes - the same as if you were volunteering in a school etc.

If you drive I think drivers for elderly/disabled people are always welcome, taking them to appointments etc.

Good luck!

Glamazon

Wow - just like my MIL.

Hadn't worked for 27 years, both sons grown up and left home, husband working up to 15hr shifts - not only was she bored stiff but she was a nightmare! Also, fretting about things, had far too much time on her hands - would be constantly asking OH had he done this, had he done that?

9 months ago she got a full-time job in a call centre - completely different person now! Has a purpose, friends, her own money coming in and is so relaxed now when we talk to her. OH, FIL and BIL didn't want her to get a job and she had low confidence but I convinced her to go for it and it really has changed her life.

She did some computer courses and things in the 6 months prior to getting a job. Please don't write off paid employment!

jack*tigger

You local supermarket might need people too. I work at Sainsburys and we always need people - especially at this time of year when the students are doing exams and travelling the world. A minimum contract is 12 hours per week. If you do 3 x 4 hour shifts its not too much in one go, it get you out of the house, chatting to people, and earning some money.
And a more mature employee is usually (not always) more reliable than a younger on - especially on a Friday evening / Saturday morning.

Win - Win.

Pee

Does your husband work full time?

Do you need to earn some money? I am sure that you could get paid employement, but if you were thinking of doing something different, how about an Open University degree? I know someone who did one at 80, and I am sure that you are much younger than her!!

How about learning a language and taking a trip abroad? Do you have any friends or relations to visit abroad? Do you have any friends in this country you would like to go and spend a couple of days with, perhaps not an option when the children were younger.

How would your husband feel about a "date night"?

Could you join a reading group?

It's a matter of finding the right thing for you, and you will sooner or later. I don't know if you can remember when you split up with a boyfriend and were at a loose end for a while as a teenager, maybe. You didn't know what you would do with your time and then in the blink of an eye you probably didn't have any time to yourself with the chldren.

Artytarty

Thanks for all your suggestions.
DH works full time..I dont enjoy travel (ok so that classes me as officially odd). I love art but it can be a solitary pursuit although i do have some friend in that area of my life.
We are planning a garden revamp That we will do together.but I need something that is all about me!So I can bore him with tales of my day for a change!
I have registered with do it .org Thanks for the link there Flutterby!
I dont really need to earn money but I guess it would be a bonus.I think I should do some volunteering first as my CV is 20 yrs out of date! Im just a bit afraid of the big void that is looming in my life

Pee

Could you join an art class? How about a trip to London to look at art, with someone else or by yourself - or does that class as travel. (Yes, you are odd!! That's what makes us all interesting, all being different.)
Does yoga or pilates appeal?
What did you do before you had children and did you enjoy any aspect of it?