Introducing new girlfriend

newbienortherner

Firstly, I thought I made it clear in my first message that my ex and I are on reasonable terms and at no time since we split have I restricted his access to our children.

I also pointed out that I knew I could not be as objective as I would like about the new girlfriend and was therefore asking for objective opinions on how and when to introduce a new partner.

As for using my kids as 'footsoldiers in a battle not of their making', I find this highly offensive, as you can see from my post my only concern is about whether they will be upset by the introduction. I would never stop my ex from seeing his children nor use them as a weapon, as this would hurt our children more than anyone else.

Asking an 18 month old and 4 year old how the feel about their father having a new girlfriend would be slightly pointless as the 18 month old knows about 20 words and 4 year old wouildn't really understand what a girlfriend is.

I asked for advice on this thread, most of which has been really useful. I didn't ask for someone to ditch their biased and offensive opinions on the breakdown of my marriage.

bexsmum

Hi There, Your right you asked for opinions on the situation and not on your marriage.... !!

I've been exactly your position a year ago. My ex and I get along just fine for the sake of DD, as you do too. My ex has always maintained we move at whatever pace suits our DD. It took her a year to come to terms with the idea that dad had met someone and she was going to be a part of his life.

I ended up pushing the situation as I felt that she was making it worse than it really was. In the end I suggested that ex took DD bowling and GF go with them. I felt this covered awkward silences, and was a fun thing to do. They apparently didn't hit it off straight away - but 6 weeks down the line GF pops over at least once at the weekend to see them for a cuppa and they chat and get on fine.

I keep telling DD she's got the best of both worlds - Mum and Dad who love her too much, and the GF is an added bonus!!

Now then - DD is stressing as FIL died last weekend and GF is going to the funeral and of course, after knowing my ex's family for nearly 20 years I'm going too. I keep telling her it will be fine - and you never knows I might end up actually liking this woman :rolleyes:

So upshot - a few months isn't very long to be introducing GF to sons..... every situation is different, but if your uncomfortable (as I was), and worried just have a word and tell you ex. Suggest that if its still going strong in a couple of months time you'll be happier to discuss it again. If he's putting your sons first I'm sure he'll accept that its still early days and that your suggesting a solution that will work to the benefit of everyone.

Its hard, really hard, but hang on in there it gets easier, honest!

Bexsmum