Do you ever get embarrased by being broke?

Merlinexcalibur

I have seen the grass is greener for a time in my life, when money was no object and worries were a thing of the past. Though, I didn't let that change me, was just happier for many years. Now, without these things in my life, I value things beyond the monetary. For it has taught me and reminded me of something that many who look down on those without have lost. To value things. For those who think money is the be all and end all in life, I fear one day they will realize this legacy ... is false. Sure, money is important but so, too, is the ability to accept others beyond what is in their bank accounts. To accept someone for those differences, is the mark a social conscience that has become obscured, lost. But, slowly, is being regained throughout the current crisis. To those who think money is status, it does not buy you true friends. For those true friends who only are attracted to you because of that are not. Even Midas learned that lesson in the end.

I value having things, but I also value having little. It's what is between those two things that matters. To me.

Embarassment I reserve for those who choose to look down on those who have nothing, because one day when it is their time to be in this place, who will be there for them? Will it be those whom they looked down upon, or a kindly soul who looks upon them not because of status but simply because they see someone who is in need to get them through the next stage in their life. For, like anyone, who has lost things they surely will need someone. For then they will appreciate how it was for the ones who felt 'embarassed' and were scorned because of having little, but struggled to get through it. Experience teaches us many things in life, this just being one.

This is not what I wanted to say, but this is how it went as I typed.

gailey_2

Oh that sounds awful of your sister broken hearted. Im a sahm and its hard to find cheap activities for kids local libary does rhyme time which is free and toddlers group £1 for coffee, squash, biscuit and toast for kids.
Our local softplay fairly reasonable in local pub £3 for play and squash but they sell lots of add ons and I buy myself a coffee all adds up, the bigger playcentres cost a small fortune!

Recently last couple of years hubbys mates keep arranging expensive nights out and stag nighst and he cant afford to go bless him so rarly sees his mates.

The worst moment for us if when we just had £5 to sepnd on food in lidls was really depressing but we got by .
Am fed up of running out of money before pay day, selling just to pay bankcharges and ebay fees.

I think living within means and one day being debt free keeps me going!

tiff

Gailey, do you not pay your Ebay fees out of your Paypal account? I always pay Ebay out of Paypal and then transfer the rest to my bank account. I dont wait for a bill, just pay what is outstanding at the time.

gailey_2

Yes I do but have been times where hubbys needed petrol money so transfered money to paypal card for himto put petrol in car to get to work and paid fees later!

natters_2

I've always been honest about our situation - and the genuine people have always shone out. e.g a friend of my OH asked us out for a drink - I said sorry no we can't afford a round, he replied I am not asking you to pay, I would like your company.
My neighbour often asks me to go to the british legion to play bingo and I usually cannot afford it, she pays then if I win I repay her there and then or over a week or two - she gets all embarrased for me when I don't go and the other peeps ask why I don't go more often, I say tell them the truth I'm not bothered, she says oh thats your private business! I think people are more understanding if you are honest - if you try to hide it you can come across as snobby/offhand etc.

The other side to being open about it is quite often you are asked first if clothes/furniture/bedding or a myriad of other things are being given away. - this can sometimes make a big difference to an expense you weren't looking forward to shelling out for.

bathgatebuyer

There's nothing to be emnbarrassed about at all - the ones who are shamelessly teaching their kids that they can have whatever they want are the ones who should be embarrassed!

I get paid a decent enough wage but due to a determined effort to clear these debts, I've lived off nothing for a few years. The worst thing is those little comments that people make thinking they are being funny. I had one guy at work say to me, "What's the name of that shop folk go to when they pawn off all their stuff................you should know?" :mad: And why would I know?! I'm quite honest with people, if I'm skint, I'm skint and I'm not going to make excuses for my lack of cash. I don't go to the monthly lunch club we have at work, or the team days out as it costs money and I'd rather use £20 to visit family (who live 150 miles away) than go for a fancy lunch with work.

I regularly get called 'boring' by people I work with because I don't go on foreign holidays every year - why? Simple choice. I either pay my mortgage or my debts or pay for a holiday. I'm the only single one in the office, and I think they all forget that they all have wives who earn more money than they do. Being older too, they are at the end of their mortgages - which were probably only for about £20K! - and don't have thing like student loans to deal with. It does hack me off with their little 'boring' comments, but I just tell them straight, "I'd go abroad 3 times a year too if I had a rich wife paying for it". They don't like that said loudly in front of the whole office

There's no shame in taking responsibility for your life and finances. I know you've mentioned before on another thread that you feel that things are never going to change, but while luck can come along for some people and make their lives better, you either have to accept what you have or make a plan to change it. I've been scrimping and saving for a few years to get back on an even keel, but as of a fortnights time, I'll have no credit card debt and will only have a car loan and a mortgage. Reallythat has came from just getting my head down, saying 'no' to those friends who want me to spend cash going out places with them, or works do's. It has been hard, but while you're feelig embarrassed about your situation, maybe your mates are too? Or if they're not, maybe they should be? Maybe they have debts that they can't control? Maybe they are taking cash for drinks and things out of their bills fund. Who knows. You can only be reponsible for your own spending. If that makes it hard for some people to get their heads around, then that's their problem. Think of YOUR longer term goal rather than their short-term as being the important thing.

chnelomi

i hate always being short of money but i have become really good at stretching the pennies so that we all get our little treats. kids have a club each after school £1each hubby has a friends over(football) they bring the drinks i cook and provide snacks.

so many times I've been asked on nights out holidays etc but just say no i cant afford it. lost allot of so called friends because they were only interested in someone that could keep up with their life style,would have been cheaper throwing a match on a pile of fuel soaked money and trying to rescue the remnants lol.

Don't be fooled by appearances i was with someone one day who had earlier made remarks about supermarket own brands and how could anyone possibly suffer the embarrassment of buying them. then later at her house and she asked if i would like a drink whilst i waited in her house. when i followed her to the kitchen she couldn't close the cupboards fast enough, they were filled to the brim with own brand products.She quickly back tracked and said she only meant buying them in store not online.lol

Even if i had massive amounts of money i would still keep doing all of my money saving tricks, why should i make the fat cats more fat with my money. it's not like they try to help us.

i hope one day to be in the position to go for my shopping without a list and not have to stick to a tight budget I'd love to try all the fancy meats and cheeses and go all organic but for now i will just need to settle for what i can afford.

boo80

I used to be, that's how I got in this mess! Now I'm honest with people, I don't say anything about my debts I just simply say that money is too tight. Most of my friends are/have been skint at some point and they all understand, those who haven't been broke are still good about it and don't make me feel unworthy for not having the cash.

eco

hi, felt I had to post, when I was a kid my family were poor, we had to walk to school most days cos mum couldn't afford the bus fares, or how little food was in the house, we never had a lot of what other kids had at school, and this was the 70's not the 40's, I remember my sis saying she walked once with a hole in her shoe and it was raining, she says I forget stuff like this cos I was too embarressed.

Yes I was embarressed then, but not now, I only have one ambition to never be that poor ever again, even some weeks I can only afford a small treat while I save for a new car, I have my own coffee at work cos that machine stuff is vile, and my mum used to say if it cost's a lot to go to work your defeating the object of going. You might feel that lifes a bit carp now but at least your working towards the goal of getting debt free, a lot of people aren't.

barnaby-bear

Glen0000 wrote: »

I find this comment a bit strange? Is it because most people with families dont have the money or because you think it is wrong to have a life outside your family?

My (all married) mates are out every weekend, as are my wifes. We just can't afford to join them!

As for the OP, I hate being broke. Makes me feel like a loser.

I just don't get it, leave the missus alone doing the childcare or else do a recipricol later in the week....if both go out it's a babysitter (and the stress of who/how good) at £8 an hour... sorry two of us out and childcare makes an expensive night, a night otut without the kid is exceptional not the norm not by finance/psychology just because other things in life. Oddly most of the single friends seem quite jealous they don't have to make the sarifice - at the end of te day there's a school photo/family hol that seems more important.For the single guy it's easy - once you have kids you priorties change - a SAHM is now a luxury