Do you ever get embarrased by being broke?

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Lots of hugs and support for everyone struggling at the moment. When my husband was made redundant 3 times during the last recession we let people know and they were very understanding. Instead of going out we invited friends over.
I used to go out clubbing with a friend who was made a widow and was very low on funds. We used to go out on the price of 2 cokes. I would always drive,we'd get into the club really early when it was free and then buy each other a coke. Fab night out.Yes I always used to wonder how other people afforded their lifestyle and eventually realised that they were probably up to their eyeballs in debt.
If you were my mate I would understand and not push you to spend although would get a kick out of treating you beacuse I was in a better position.Hope this does not come across as patronising cos there would be no strings attached.

Horace

Its not me that gets embarrassed by it, its my mates:rolleyes: One in particular springs to mind as she is spending thousands on her wedding (H2B has been divorced and she has never married) and now she is moaning about canapes at her wedding dinner - if she can't afford it why bother with a lavish affair anyway from the couture dress to the handmade shoes:rolleyes:

I rarely go out and when I do I try to time it when the local pub has a meal deal one e.g. two main courses for £10 or two courses for £10 (we have main and a dessert). The friend mentioned above was mortified the other day and I felt she was looking down her nose at me because I had dropped a jar of beetroot on the floor (jar remaining intact) and the beetroot spilled out onto the floor so I scraped it up and put it back in the jar - I can hear her suddenly snooty voice even now "oh..really, you're not THAT poor that you have to eat food that has been on the floor - remind me to never eat at your place" - Its not me being poor, its me hating waste. Its quite funny really because I bought some smart clothes the other week (all half price in a sale), they were the first really decent clothes that I have bought in I would say the last 10 years:eek: - they are needed for my self employment as I have to project an image - all my mate can say is "you have spent too much, take them back" why the hell should I? The clothes make me feel like me again and so what if I have to live on baked beans for a while - I can keep a roof over my head and pay the bills and I am happy:D I dont smoke or drink which is useful as the money can be used towards other thngs.

brightonman123

as with OP it gets me down when no spare cash-

missed out on holidays with mates, day trips, even pubbing - I would feel awkward accepting drinks paid by others all the time, when i have no way to get a round in myself..

the library / MSE / freecycle keeps me going, right now!

whitewing

I think Horace has hit the nail on the head. You are choosing what you spend your (limited) money on. I do the same. I'd rather spend it on my family than on workmates. However, I do try to keep a balance, and I agree that honesty is the best policy. (Honesty not as in 'I'm poor', but as in 'I'm needing to be careful in the current climate').

tiff

Most of my friends are in a similar situation, maybe not in debt but low income. We used to feel under pressure from certain members of our family to keep up (our own fault) and we tried to which got us into debt.

I actually feel happy now that for the first time in years we are living within our means and paying off debt. We used to go on holiday and spending money would go on credit but now we are off to Newquay at the end of the month which is all paid for and have the spending money saved. Kids are happy going anywhere which is great.

It is hard when people around you are still spending, but they are probably in debt too. Just take comfort from what you're doing for yourself and your family rather than hating yourself for it.

barnaby-bear

nirelandguy wrote: »

This really gets to me. Couple of examples, the guys from work are going out for dinner and a few drinks tomorrow night, only person who can't go is myself as per usual can't afford it, Or there is simple things like going to the coffee machine at work, can't even afford a 50p coffee, or the snack machine can't afford that, or they order food from a restaurant weekly for lunch and get it delivered again only person who hasn't partaken in that. Or another one which happened last week, My son got his first school photo taken, £20:eek: He got a little tiny sample photo, what I had to do was scan it and inlarge it as we can't afford £20, The poor child wondered why all the rest of the kiddies got there photos this week and he didn't, we couldn't afford it.

It is all very embarrasing, Even the simple things like a 50p coffee, something that 99% of people would take for granted is a luxury in this house. And the sad thing is, it is never gonna change

I'm not in debt and can afford this stuff but I'm mean really really stingy. Putitng my family in the best possible position for the future is my priority and my mentality is them-against-us and that I'm nobody's fool.... I'm not spending 50p on a cup of tea to subsidise MR-vending-machine operators kids private school fees... I get a kick out of taking my own tea.... if I spent £1 a day on junk form the vending machine that's £30 I could use for something better.... School photos are a rip off - their done in school time, the school gets a kickback and it's emotional blackmail.
Are your mates single? Bit odd for a group of family men to be out having dinner and drinks - most people with families don't do this.

Cleosmum

Re the coffee machine issue, could you suggest that maybe work purchase a kettle, spoons and cups? You could bring in some coffee or tea bags in a little pot for you, the others can work out wether they want to pool together and buy coffee etc. or bring from home themselves. One of my previous employers used to have a coffee machine, but it used to give out boiling water for free, so I used to bring in what I needed. Not because I couldnt afford it, but coffee machine coffee is rank!

With the meal & drinks out, can you work out how much you would spend on a meal, and break it down in to how much you would have to save daily? Would £7.50 get a main meal and drink? That would be 25p a day. Dont get in to buying rounds when out, buy only for yourself, and stick to one, use your OH as an excuse to make a move home early.

Im with you on the first school photo, and I would go without something else to get that, though ours is a bit cheaper at £12. I can see others wouldnt though.

barnaby-bear

tiff wrote: »

Most of my friends are in a similar situation, maybe not in debt but low income. We used to feel under pressure from certain members of our family to keep up (our own fault) and we tried to which got us into debt.

I actually feel happy now that for the first time in years we are living within our means and paying off debt. We used to go on holiday and spending money would go on credit but now we are off to Newquay at the end of the month which is all paid for and have the spending money saved. Kids are happy going anywhere which is great.

It is hard when people around you are still spending, but they are probably in debt too. Just take comfort from what you're doing for yourself and your family rather than hating yourself for it.

I get such a kick from not being ripped off and feeling "clever" with my spending, knowing our spending patterns maximise the benefit for us.

Broken_hearted

Sometimes like yesterday I had enough money to take the kids to an activity just enough nothing more. So we go have a great time and then my sister announces we are going to have dinner there, so I have to admit infront of everyone that I havn't got any money left.

jollymummy

It used to bother me especially as my sister is very well paid and we simply couldn't keep up with them. Woke up and smelt the coffee one day and told them look we're skint and can't afford to do this stuff. She then confessed they're living on a HUGE, HUGE overdraft. Since we had ds we never go out but save our cash to go out as a family, it's all about priorities and family time is now my priority. We try to do stuff but save money if you see what I mean. for example we are taking ds to a steam train event for his birthday tomorrow and have told our friends we'll take a picnic, turns out they're skint too so they're going to take a picnic as well.
I think the idea of getting a kettle and coffee sorted for work is excellent, you could go one further and suggest everyone takes it in turns to bring homemade cakes in every Friday for a treat