how do you know when to call

Iheartfreebies

Hi, this thread really stood out but I don't have time to read all the replies atm so after just reading your first post I wanted to share some advice I was given

Think about the last year and ask yourself, how would I feel if the next year was the same?

If he didn't make you happy yesterday and he didn't make you happy today, what makes you think tomorrow will be any different?

HTH, I'll pop back later when I have more time x

yoni_one

angelpye wrote: »

Statisitics and research is clear about domestic abuse and although I don't want to scare you - I strongly advise that you seek support from a local Women's Aid or Refuge organisation around safety. They will support you whatever decision you make and help you plan your safety. It's a fact that women are in more danger at the point of leaving and I suspect you know that, women often feel fear around leaving. ...

Have you thought about living seperately while he seeks help and proves he has changed?

Whatever you decide I think you need to seriously think about where the line is...what will you do next time he becomes abusive and how abusive does he need to be? I know this is a very difficult time for you - especially if he makes threats to commit suicide - but you have to prioritise yours and your childs safety. Making threats to kill (drunk or not) is very serious in my view and shouldn't be treated lightly. Seek some professional support, you are not alone in this. 1 in 4 women in the country experience domestic abuse in their lifetime. Many leave and live fab lives!:D

Excellent post, I work for Women's Aid and yes, you are living with Domestic Abuse. You may think the alcohol is the cause of the abusive behaviour but it is just an excuse for it, he is sober when he chooses to drink and he knows he gets abusive when he drinks.

You can access support from the numbers in my signature or look for local Outreach Services on the website www.womensaid.org.uk

Can I just ask, if he is not abusive towards you for three months, alcohol fueled or not, then what happens after three months? Would you believe in your heart that he has fully recovered from being an abuser and will never behave that way again or do you spend your time on pins wondering when it will happen again and then feel justified in leaving?

I don't mean this to sound harsh, I really am puzzled by such deadlines unless they are used to take active steps to sort out the real issue, which is his abusive behaviour.

It is not difficult for abusers to take a holiday from the abusive behaviour it to secure the relationship (infact it is common when they believe the relationship is really under threat of the other person leaving), but it is far more of a committment to admit that their behaviour is abusive and seek professional support to help them overcome it.

If there is even a slim chance that you have agreed to the 3 months in the knowledge it will fail and as such give you the excuse to leave, then please remember that you already have enough to go on to end your relationship, you don't need an excuse to leave, nor do you need to honour this agreement unless your heart dictates that you should.

In your decision making please please please take his threat to kill you seriously and work out a safety plan just incase it is ever needed.

justdontknowanymore

just thought I would give all you wonderful guys an update. Its amazing that even on an anonymous forum I was to embarrassed to admit that although he never hit me , he did drag me around the house, bash my head of walls and rape me, sometimes anally, on several occassions. I think that I just could not accept that it did really happen over the last year, we had been really quite happy for so long before, but if I'm completely honest the signs were there from the start.
Anyhow, I managed to tell a friend. I managed to tell my husband that I was not able to take this anymore. He has now gone back to england. I am left so sort out all the mess here, arrange to get my stuff back to uk, but my god its worth it!!
I'm so happy, I slept without fear last night. I can chose my own clothes and do my hair how I want to today. I can leave the breakfast bowls in the sink until I get home from work(although I probably wont, just nice to know I can, lol)
I am a human being with feelings, emotions and at last self respect.
Thankyou all so much for taking the time to read and reply, and maybe for seeing through to the truth. much love xx

Pssst

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5--Sje98jI

Just keep that tune in your mind.

Why oh why are you with this person?

Its just habit isnt it? do you love him? What does he bring to the relationship?

It appears that he is just abusive and controlling and doesnt have a days work in him.

You need assets,not liabilities.

justdontknowanymore

hey, thanks so much !! but you obviously didn't read my last post. this story has had its happy ending, still some mountains to climb but fortunatley I have some wonderful friends to help me get there xx

Pssst

justdontknowanymore wrote: »

hey, thanks so much !! but you obviously didn't read my last post. this story has had its happy ending, still some mountains to climb but fortunatley I have some wonderful friends to help me get there xx

Apologies,must have missed the update.
OMG thats terrible but well done for having the strength to end it.
Your not in the UK?

WEEGIE

Glad to see that you are now in control of what you do, all the best in the future to you hope everything works out well for you. Best wishes x

justdontknowanymore

I'm not in the uk right now, but making plans and hope to be home and surrounded by loving friends ad family very soon xx

Primrose

I've glad you've managed to come to a decision and feel happy in your own mind about it. I'm sure you have made the right choice and hope that gradually everything will slip into place for you. Hopefully when you are back in England and have the support of family and friends you will be able to pick up the threads of your life and move on. Good luck.