12yr old wants to cut down access

skintchick

It's a toughie, and I suspect that eventually he will lose his daughter completely if he continues like this.

It is HER life, and all access should be something the child agrees with and is happy with.

He cannot force her to go round, and if they descend on the doorstep I;d consider reporting them to the police for harrassment.

jockettuk

skintchick wrote:

He cannot force her to go round, and if they descend on the doorstep I;d consider reporting them to the police for harrassment.

was thinking this the same as you, would get an order our forbidding him from hassling you and your family.

tanith

Calling the police to him is not a road we want to go down although sometimes he deserves it.. it will only stress my grandaughter out even further.... she tries to keep things amicable most of the time by giving in to his emotional blackmail.... its just a pity he has to resort to this just to spend time with her...... Most of the time she is quite happy to go but its just the times when she would rather stay home that the problems arise.....


Thanks for all the useful comments..... :T

elona

I can see why you do not want to call the police but how about a solicitor's letter saying that they are not allowed to contact child at school to "hassle " her?

I would suggest also asking solicitor about access now that the child is getting older.

His insisting on her visits every weekend must mean that she can never go out with friends, got to birthday parties ,weekend camps etc. - that really does not sound reasonable.

The father refusing to realise that his relationship with his daughter should be changing as she grows older is really sad. Does he really want her to be a virtual prisoner till the age of 18 when she may never want to see him again after all the emotional blackmail?

Perhaps he sees her as a "possession" rather than a person?

popcorncat

Hi,

May i jump to the defence of the father? I don't know the full story so I may totally be wrong...but i'm trying to see it from the father's point of view. He does not live with his daughter - imagine how that must feel, only to see your daughter whenever it is 'allowed' and not when you want to. And for the daughter to suddenly be interested in her friends and not her father and his family. Now I know what it was like to be that age - but I was not insensitive to the needs of my parents or to others. Maybe I was just a perceptive child but growing up, I hated leaving any of my friends out of games - or not inviting everyone out to town...things like that. So at 12 I think I would be able to appreciate that if I didnt see my dad so often...that he might miss me? I do think the grandma was a bit imposing by coming to the school and begging her to visit them....but I think she just got a bit desperate.

I don;t think all of this restraining orders and bans is a good idea - simply becuase you would be pushing the child away from the father - and making it 'official' that her father wanting to see her is wrong. I can only imagine his father ringing and getting upset...is becauase he truly loves and misses her. Maybe he is going thru depression or just a bad time in his life where he needs his love ones close by - even his own daughter. Maybe he feels alone and feels that he is missing out on the family life that he wants. I'm not saying he;s in the right and she's in the wrong. I'm just saying there are reason's why he wants to see her.

It's not nice to know that your only daughter no longer wants to see you anymore. And that she prefers her friends to her own father - whom she does not see often. It's sad that this phase will probably last till her late teens - where her relationship with her father may be non-existent by then.

this is only my view based on what I've been reading on the posts. Apologies in advance if I've misunderstood anything

xxx

tanith

Sorry Popcorncat I do think that you haven't read some of my posts..

I say in several posts that she is happy and willing to spend time with him and his family , she just wants to be able to vary her visits a little..

Nowhere have I said that she doesn't want to see him , quite the contrary in fact , he sees her very frequently Every Weekend... she just wants to spend a little of her free time with her chums and her other family members.. spending every weekend away from home makes it very difficult for her to spend anytime with the other people in her life.... Nowhere have I talked about restraining order or bans... I am just worried about the pressure put on a 12yr old child to carry on with a court order that was put in place when she was 6yrs old....
Thanks for your input

popcorncat

sorry tanith!
Serves me right for trying to read posts while at work! LOL. Guess I missed a few (or several!) posts out.

Well, my heart was in the right place...gonna try and read it again now!

Amanda65

Can the school mentor contact the fathers family and explain in a calm and unbiased way that whilst your grandaughter obviously loves her father and grandparents very much she is now turning into a young lady and would like to have a little more flexibility over the visits? Maybe if someone impartial could try and get through to him that in the long run letting her go a little is a way of keeping her close (hard I know as a parent of a 15 year old daughter!). I think you grandaughter is very lucky to have a family on both sides that care for her so deeply - it would be such a shame if that caring made her feel bitter towards hr father. Good luck

tanith

I guess this thread is getting a bit long to read the whole thing thoroughly .lol

I think the idea of her school mentor approaching him maybe an excellent idea, although I am not sure if it is within their remit to do this . But it is an idea I will mention to my grandaughter so that she could at least suggest it...

Thanks to everyone for the input and different slant on things....