Struggling being a mum

Cookie_monster_7

I am finding the non-stop cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands, thinking of what to cook (make it cheaply, make it healthy and make it quickly), thinking of how to entertain/teach/play with a toddler, looking out for her development, health, safety. Getting up at 6.30am every single day of the year without a lie in. Crying from the toddler if I haven't met her needs/wants, moaning from OH that he hasn't got an ironed shirt/that I spend too much on food/can I phone x, y or today about whatever.....well, I am finding the whole wife and mother thing incredibly demanding and the repetitiveness so boring. I have no energy left for me at the end of the day to go swimming or even paint my nails. I really feel like I am struggling. I have always left any job I didn't like and moved on :rotfl:. Of course I can't do that here and love my family to bits. I just don't know how to make life more enjoyable.

Every day I get out of the house with dd to break up the day and let her have some fun and exercise but somedays I just wanna veg out in front of the tv but I would feel so guilty doing that to her.

Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone felt like this and overcome it? Am I the only one?:(

jungliemac

I know how you feel. Sometimes I feel like I'm treading water...I always have loads to do and am busy but I don't actually feel I have ever done much. It's not like going to work and seeing what you have done and having that satisfaction of seeing before you all you have acheived as housework is dull and never ending. Very rarely do I see the bottom of my washbasket or have no ironing pile! It is dull sometimes but I find simple things like a coffee with a friend or a walk or trip to the park breaks it up. Can you share the workload a bit more with your OH? Chin up...doesn't last forever...my youngest has just started preschool 5 mornings a week and so much more can be done without a 3 year old at my heels. Housework takes half the time which means I can enjoy time with my 3 boys more. Try to take a little time for yourself. Even reading a magazine with a cup of tea or a soak in the bath. might not be of any help but I'm sure how you feel is really common (except for people who like ironing,washing,etc?) but on the outside peoples lives sometimes look perfect when like mine it's mostly chaos inside!! x

Money_maker

You will get over it and you're not the only one. I really think most mums feel like this at some stage, as Jungliemac says, its best to try to get out at least once a day even if just to the supermarket.

Having said that, to have a veg day in front of the telly would not be a crime. I was 'housebound' with my dd (1) for 6 weeks with a broken leg. Didn't do her any harm even though I was wracked with guilt.

Once they start preschool/playgroup at 2.5/3, you really wont know what to do with yourself for that 3 hours or so. It really does go so fast, I'm with no. 3 now and ds1&2 are teenagers.

I only iron for myself and the children. If dh want something ironed he does it himself. I also see no reason why he can't get up with dd one day at the weekend. It is a bit unfair in the respect that he works hard all week but it also gives him quality time with her without me around. Why cant your oh do this?

Try to see if you can make housework more fun (!) or just do the basics. Perhaps your lo can help. I find that 'my time' runs between 7.30pm (when dd goes to bed) and however long I want to stop up. This is the time I can do as I please, until I go back to my evening job. Please believe me this time does go quickly and before you know it, lo will be at school.

Minxz

Hi Cookie-Monster,
I can really understand where you are coming from here!
I have 4 children, and thought my toddler/baby days were long behind me when I ended up having my 4th when my eldest was 18.. so i have a nearly 21 year old, down to a nearly 3 year old, and it sometimes feels like I lost myself in amongst the years of parenting!
It can get boring, repetitive and depressing being at home all the time, yet OH's can't see why- as far as they're concerned you are spending all day at home 'having fun' so what's the problem?!
Have you joined any local, cheap toddler groups? I did this and found it quite hard( i had severe Pnd) yet it really helped- i made some very good friends, and now have people who come round and share coffee while the kidlets play, and also people who will look after my toddler for an hour while i get something done, and you can return the favour.
Look on sites such as Mumsnet etc as they're good places to meet other mums in your area, find out about toddler groups and see free activities to do.
Set one night each week that is your night- so forget the washing up etc, and go soak in the bath and paint your nails
My son is now almost 3, and it is getting easier to do things I need to do rather than spend the entire day dreaming up more activities.
Now the sun is here it's nicer too- trips to the park may wear your child out enough for you to get an hours nap in the afternoon?
Would your OH consider sharing weekend lie ins? You let him lie in one day, you lie in the next?

There are other sources of help if you feel snowed under, like Surestart, who can help by putting you in touch with a friendly face who will come round and help entertain your tot while you get a job done or go for a soak
HTH

snowmaid

Cookie_monster wrote: »

I am finding the non-stop cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands, thinking of what to cook (make it cheaply, make it healthy and make it quickly), thinking of how to entertain/teach/play with a toddler, looking out for her development, health, safety. Getting up at 6.30am every single day of the year without a lie in. Crying from the toddler if I haven't met her needs/wants, moaning from OH that he hasn't got an ironed shirt/that I spend too much on food/can I phone x, y or today about whatever.....well, I am finding the whole wife and mother thing incredibly demanding and the repetitiveness so boring. I have no energy left for me at the end of the day to go swimming or even paint my nails. I really feel like I am struggling. I have always left any job I didn't like and moved on :rotfl:. Of course I can't do that here and love my family to bits. I just don't know how to make life more enjoyable.

Every day I get out of the house with dd to break up the day and let her have some fun and exercise but somedays I just wanna veg out in front of the tv but I would feel so guilty doing that to her.

Does anyone else feel like this? Has anyone felt like this and overcome it? Am I the only one?:(

Oh my word! You are so normal! :T I get worried with these mothers who think they are supermoms and don't need help from anyone! They usually end up in a corner speaking drivel! :rolleyes:

Is there anyone who can take your child on the weekend etc? For instance, when my grandchild was born I said to my daughter that anytime she wanted I would have him overnight if she needed the break. She said she doubted it would be necessary and she had made her bed and would lie in it......I now have him every Friday night!! :rotfl: I don't mind because it is a joy having him. Sometimes I phone her and tell her we are taking my youngest boy to rugby, and whether we could take my grandson along...she has him dressed before we put the phone down! :rolleyes:

Don't be embarrassed or think you are not coping by asking your mom or someone else, if available, to have your child say, on a Friday night, giving you a lie in on the Saturday etc. What about your OH getting up to play on a Saturday and letting you have a lie in?

Also, you don't have to stimulate your child 24/7. It does them good to entertain themselves now and again! This is an important part of development. Otherwise when they get older they won't know how to cope without having someone there to entertain them.

As far as your OH, tell him to go fly a kite! If he can do a better job with the food budget, then to do so. Or invite him to go shopping with you. I hate these 'know it alls'.

snowmaid

Minxz wrote: »

Hi Cookie-Monster,
I can really understand where you are coming from here!
I have 4 children, and thought my toddler/baby days were long behind me when I ended up having my 4th when my eldest was 18.. so i have a nearly 21 year old, down to a nearly 3 year old, and it sometimes feels like I lost myself in amongst the years of parenting!
It can get boring, repetitive and depressing being at home all the time, yet OH's can't see why- as far as they're concerned you are spending all day at home 'having fun' so what's the problem?!
Have you joined any local, cheap toddler groups? I did this and found it quite hard( i had severe Pnd) yet it really helped- i made some very good friends, and now have people who come round and share coffee while the kidlets play, and also people who will look after my toddler for an hour while i get something done, and you can return the favour.
Look on sites such as Mumsnet etc as they're good places to meet other mums in your area, find out about toddler groups and see free activities to do.
Set one night each week that is your night- so forget the washing up etc, and go soak in the bath and paint your nails
My son is now almost 3, and it is getting easier to do things I need to do rather than spend the entire day dreaming up more activities.
Now the sun is here it's nicer too- trips to the park may wear your child out enough for you to get an hours nap in the afternoon?
Would your OH consider sharing weekend lie ins? You let him lie in one day, you lie in the next?

There are other sources of help if you feel snowed under, like Surestart, who can help by putting you in touch with a friendly face who will come round and help entertain your tot while you get a job done or go for a soak
HTH

Surestart is a good idea, My daughter, who is struggling with depression, will have them visiting once a week to help out with her child, during the week.

hayleyc_2

My son is 18 months old, and my partner and I have a deal at weekends. We each have a lie in one morning, and the other one gets up and looks after our son. We usually wake the other up with a cup of tea, and our son comes and bounces on the bed It's only once a week but it's so refreshing to have a lie in!

Also, I don't bother with much in the way of house work! I cook most of the meals, and do all the washing because my fiancee works full-time and I only work part time, but other than that, we share a lot of the jobs. I also don't bother with ironing, it's far too tedious!!

Anyway, it's totally normal to feel the way you're feeling. I think most people feel like that at some time.

Hayley

emlou2009

one weekend make your OH look after your LO and give him a list of chores and a list and a budget to take to the supermarket, he will have new found respect for you when he doesnt get as much as a plate washed up, doesnt get to the supermarket and ends up missing lunch cos he's too busy!!

i dont do any housework while OH is at work except run the hoover round, the rest gets done when he's at home then i can make him join in. i think you should buy your OH a recipe book too, it sounds like he wants to live in the 50s! if you have let him get away with doing nothing it will be a shock to his system at first so ease him in a bit

fernliebee

Just from your post, sounds as if your not struggling being a mum, but doing a very good job. I think it sounds like the struggle is juggling that with all the household stuff, and OH demands as well! I tend not to do much housework when DD is around because it takes so long- I just load washing/ dishwasher/ hang washing etc- but any real cleaning I do when she is in bed, then I can sit and relax. This works for me because I can get it done much quicker and seems like I have done more IYSWIM. I have also started to make sure that every morning I do my hair and make-up nicely (I was never a daily make-up wearer before DD was born) This just gives me a bit of me time (even though DD is crawling round my feet playing.) Have one evening a week where you just do nice things for you, or get out of the house and do an evening class or group for yourself.

I agree when others say OH can get up with her at least one weekend day. I would also second the surestart advice. Good luck with it all, and I think you sound like a very good mummy, don't underestimate yourself! x

fernliebee

Also just to add, what about making extra of certain meals (such as bolognaise sauce, soup, stew etc) then freezing the remains so some days you don't have to cook, and can have a break. Also get OH in the kitchen occasionally, he works, but you work full time being a mum so it is fair! HTH.

pukkamum

Hi love i'm sorry you feel so down but the key to being at home with a toddler is organisation and giving yourself a break!!!

Firstly do you really need to get up at six thirty with her from an early age i have had plenty of toys within reach in the kids bedroom and tell them they can play for ages in the morning if they do it quietly.
I now lie in til nine on the weekends even with a two and half yr old (sometimes she even refuses to get up because she is playing!!)

Next housework, it's all very well people saying oh just ignore it it doesn't matter if the house in untidy washing isn't done etc, but if you are anything like me then all these things not being done just causes more stress.
I now look on being a housewife as my job and instead of resenting every bit of housework i do i just accept that that is why i am at home and dh is at work.
I now force myself to get all my jobs done in the morn and because i do some every morning it never takes me that long.
As for ironing i watch home and away every afternoon and that is when i do my ironing i am so used to it now that i just do it and i don't feel guilty for just sitting watching my programme.

Entertaing children, now the fact is that we have been conditioned to believe that if we aren't stimulating our children all day long they won't learn anything etc well that is rubbish.
The fact is that a lot of children are overstimulated these days, being constantly played with by adults and taken to 'toddler groups every day.
Children need time on their own just as we do to just sit and play by themselves without being told how to play by adults etc.
I take my little girl to one toddler group a week (sometimes 2) and i think that is enough.

Please stop beating yourself up parenting is so hard and we are constantly comparing ourselves to other parents and assessing our parenting skills when we should just relax and enjoy this very special time.
Being at home with your child should be a time you look back on fondly not with a thank god that is over.
As another poster said all parents are treading water just doing the best they can and hoping that they aren't getting it too wrong i used to say my mum's (i was a maternity nanny for years) your main priority is keeping baby alive, fed and happy, anything after that is a bonus lol.

Feel free to pm me i have worked with children and parents for years and know a good few tricks of the trade.