just after a bit of advice am i bein selfish

danni5

hi all re registered under different user name because partner knows my user name on here but am just after a bit of advice i will give u a bit of a back ground first. i have 2 children 5 and 2 full time mum trying to earn a bit of money from home to i just need some advice my partner is ment to work 10 till 6 Monday till Friday he has work for this company for 2 years since he has worked there he is only home on time maybe one night a week if we are lucky he is coming in from work at 10 o'clock at night some times later he don't get paid for overtime he also brings his works pc home and does work at the weekends i have try ed to talk to him about this but it ends up in a argument i just don't know what to do any more i am tryin to look after the kids all day put them to bed then i have to start the house work and try and earn a bit of money.

Well just before he told me he was go in to be late tonight an would be having his tea at work i tryed to explain to him if he had told me earlier i would have made his tea then he started kicking off down the phone saying the only reason he is gunner be late tonight is because of me wingin at him all day the only time i spoken to him today was at half past 5 when he said he was going to be late. I just feel like i am always being blamed for every think in the house and everything gets dumped on me. Am i bein selfish wantin him to come home ontime he says i am as his job is important but so are the kids i just dont know what to do

thanks

danni

Claire3121

danni5 wrote: »

hi all re registered under different user name because partner knows my user name on here but am just after a bit of advice i will give u a bit of a back ground first. i have 2 children 5 and 2 full time mum trying to earn a bit of money from home to i just need some advice my partner is ment to work 10 till 6 Monday till Friday he has work for this company for 2 years since he has worked there he is only home on time maybe one night a week if we are lucky he is coming in from work at 10 o'clock at night some times later he don't get paid for overtime he also brings his works pc home and does work at the weekends i have try ed to talk to him about this but it ends up in a argument i just don't know what to do any more i am tryin to look after the kids all day put them to bed then i have to start the house work and try and earn a bit of money.

Well just before he told me he was go in to be late tonight an would be having his tea at work i tryed to explain to him if he had told me earlier i would have made his tea then he started kicking off down the phone saying the only reason he is gunner be late tonight is because of me wingin at him all day the only time i spoken to him today was at half past 5 when he said he was going to be late. I just feel like i am always being blamed for every think in the house and everything gets dumped on me. Am i bein selfish wantin him to come home ontime he says i am as his job is important but so are the kids i just dont know what to do

thanks

danni

No you're not being selfish at all. You're stuck in with the children all day,which is a difficult job in itself. I take it he doesn't see the children as they're asleep when he finally gets in?
Has he always been this way? Has it gotten worse?
I think he's the one being selfish here:mad:

skintchick

I can see your point and I'd be cross as well, but is he perhaps worried about job security and therefore trying to make sure his job is safe?

I do think if he doesn;t get overtime then he shouldn;t be giving them more than a couple of hours extra a week.

my OH used to do this just after I got pregnant and I realise it was cos he was concerned about finances and his job - so I talked to him about it and he is better now.

But as you already have children you do need help and his kids need him around, so I do think on the basis of what you've said that he is being unreasonable.

Leopardlady

Hi Danni, i understand a bit where you are coming from, we don' t have kids yet, but OH works late more than gets home on time. It is tough when you are stuck at home, i work from home and do body shop in the evenings. He is as understading as he can be, and i work at being understanding to him. Some days it drives me mad and food is ruined and i am in a foul mood when he gets back.

But men are very different to women and they see work as paying for all that is needed and this is what they think is great for a family. Women like more social contact and physical help, unfortunately the two often clash.

I think you need to sit down at the weekend or a night when you are as relaxed as possible and talk to your OH iam sure he is not trying to work late to avoid you, but is trying to secure his job in a difficult climate and provide for you and the kids. I also do not think that you are being selfish, but you do need to talk about it face to face.

Good luck and i hope you sort it out

puddy

what sort of work does he do? i dont agree with working for free and wonder what is so insecure about his job that he feels the need to put in 4 hours extra per day (thats 20 a week) and not get paid for them. do you know other people he works with, do they also do unpaid over time?

prowla

Yes, I do think you are being selfish; perhaps he is doing his best to support you and the family, and all the thanks he gets is grief from you and sneaky messages to the online "men are all pigs" contingent of MSE.

danni5

hi all
thank for you for replying i don't think it is job safety as they have just signed 2 big contracts what are for 2 years so we no he is safe for the next 2 years.

i thought when he first got the job he was trying to impress his bosses but it has just carried on and on like last week i managed to persuade him to take a week off work but he ended up goin in Thursday afternoon from 1 till 11 i asked him why he was go in an he said it was because he didn't want his work to mount up what was fine but he said to me on Sunday night u no am gunner be late all next week coz i had last week off i really.

The kids don't really see him only at weekends sometimes they wont go to bed because they think he is go in to come in so end up go in asleep on the couch and he has to carry them to bed when he comes in.

he works in I.T making new systems but he only works for a small company there is 8 of them who work there including the 2 bosses they all do stay late but none of them have kids and there is only one other who actually stays as late as him

Claire3121

prowla wrote: »

Yes, I do think you are being selfish; perhaps he is doing his best to support you and the family, and all the thanks he gets is grief from you and sneaky messages to the online "men are all pigs" contingent of MSE.

And I bet you're a bloke:rolleyes:

omen666

He is having an affair with a bird from work blatant

maddysaver

I wouldn't have put it quite so blatantly as Omen666 and I'm really sorry if I sound suspicious, but are you sure he's working late?
The fact that he's not listening to you and is shouting and arguing with you about his working late rings a few alarm bells with me to be honest. Someone who really felt they had no choice but to work an extra unpaid 20 hours a week would surely see your point of view and at least sympathise even if he felt he couldn't change it. He sounds defensive to me.......
But I hope I'm wrong.

danni5

i would have thought that too but he only works with men and he only likes women i no he isint goin anywhere else because he is logged in to msn all day and night when he at work.

Iam gunner talk to him tonight when he gets home he said he will leave about 9

he is defensive but soem time he can be sweet and say he will start comin home on time and it will change for a few days but then it is back to beein late all the time