My Journey

savingholmes

Hi Bevan - hugs - hope you are okay

bevan840

Been a while hasn't it

Well the funeral was Wed last week, the service was lovely and the burial was here

Unfortunately DH couldn't get the time off so he wasn't able to come with me, went down by train, got a railcard which cost £26 but brought the ticket down from £150 to £100, so saved around £20 for M&D as they paid for me to get down.

Tuesday
I travelled down on Tuesday and Mum collected me at the train station, we went home for a quick bite to eat and then headed down south so that I could see my Aunt. I have never seen a body before so I wasn't sure what to expect but my Sister had rung me the night before to explain what I was to expect and to reasure me as I was having difficulty deciding wether to see her or not. I learnt something new too, it only takes a teaspoon of water into your lungs and then you go unconscious. The Undertaker, who is a distant cousin to our family also said that looking at her face, she went peacefully, there were no stress or frown lines in her face so she wasn't in pain when it happened, Sis explained it as she had gone in, done her best and once she realised she wasn't going to be able to save the girl, she let go in the hope that someone would get the girl. It felt very unreal, you see it in films but of course the actors are alive so you can see little things moving, eye lashes, chests, but none of AV was moving, when Mum touched her face I was expecting her to blink, and she didn't. I didn't feel able to touch her. M (the Undertaker) stayed with us for a few minutes and then said I could have a few minutes with her, I asked Mum if she was ok to stay with me and she said that as she'd seen her the day before, she was ok seeing AV. I touched the coffin, the blanket over her, but not her, I don't think I was ready for that much reality. After we went out the room I broke, Mum cuddled me and when M came back out he put his arms around both of us, Mum then told him that AV was my Godmother as well as my Aunt. After I had calmed myself a little, we went to Grans, gave her and my other Aunt (R) a hug, stayed for a little bit and then we went back to Mum's. It was about 10.5 hours travelling in one day, boy was I tired when we got back.

Wednesday
Sis came round to see how I was in the morning, and said that she was glad that I had gone and that Mum was too, as they were both hoping I would go, because of living so far away from them I'd been in a sort of bubble, keeping me safe and not letting much get through. Seeing AV hadn't burst the bubble but had made it thinner.
We went to the house first as we were going in one of the cars. Saw Uncle and gave him a hug, he smiled when I showed him my black top with a silver tigger on, all my others have tigger in colour so thought that one would be better. When AV arrived Uncle went out to have a minute with her, then came back for my Aunt and took her out there. Mum was asking Gran if she wanted to go, she said no. I'd avoided looking at the car and then Mum asked me if I wanted to go, I looked at the car and couldn't talk, I just shook my head and cried, bless Gran, she was rubbing my arm telling me to let it out. Eventually I went out and joined Aunt and my Sis at the end of the driveway, AV was a little further up by their front gate. I don't think I have ever cried so much, I just couldn't stop, all the way through the service. My cousins had thought she was 43, and nobody was going to tell them anything different, and they had asked if there could be 43 candles lit, the Vicar was worried he wouldn't be able to find 43 candles When we arrived at the Church, all 4 of my cousins lit a candle each (AV's girls inc) and then a family friend took them to a room at the back of the church as they didn't want to be at the funeral. All the family got to light a candle, took me a while though as my hands were shaking *shrug* While we were lighting the candles they had a short clip of Buddy Holly, True Love Ways on CD, the track after was Black Eyed Pea's Party All The Time which was going to be played on our way out, the Vicar didn't get to the CD player in time and we ended up with the beginning of BEP's twice, made everyone laugh. When we left for the burial the cousins were taken to the Zoo. I had managed the church without my sticks but knew I would need them at the burial as I would be standing for a while, it was there that I totally cracked. After they had put her in the ground we were all allowed one last look, Uncle went up first and stood to one side, the Undertaker (who is a distant cousin of our family so knew us all very well) then came and held Gran, Mum and Aunt went up either side of her to hold on to her as she'd been so strong all day but let herself cry at this point. Mum, Aunt and Gran then went to stand with Uncle. Sis went to have a look and then went to give Uncle a hug. I decided that if I didn't go I'd regret it, so I went to the side and looked down, she was in a beautiful wool coffin (it was actually made of wool and Mum called it AV's security blanket ) which had her full name hand sewn onto a patch which was sewn on to the top of the coffin. I cracked at that point, Mum came up and guided me to where Sis and BIL were standing and when I got there she told BIL to get hold of me as my legs were going from under me, he first held my arm then hugged me until I'd calmed down. Everyone was standing around talking and we were some of the last to walk back to the cars, I had one final look before we went and I was ok that time. We then went to Newquay Rowing club, which she was a part of and was Secretary until they moved to Trinidad. I was very tired by now so just sat still, 1 because I was in pain and 2 because I didn't have the energy to move. My Gran came to see me later on and told me she was worried about me, she's never seen me on bad days though so she wouldn't of known how I can get as she's only ever seen me on good days. Going to send her an email at some point to see how she is as she is now on her own as R & Mum have been with her since AV came back to UK. I've been up and down since I got home, got a taxi from train station as DH was working. On Sunday morning there was a tribute to her on Radio 2, the lady who did the tribute was a friend of AV's and was there at the service and burial, I listened to Buddy Holly again and went upstairs to cry as the boys were in the front room with me and DH. Time is a great healer, let's hope it doesn't take too long.

Wow, rambled on a bit didn't I *shrug*
Finally got my hospital appointment through from the CFS team, it was supposed to be next wed but got a phone call this morning telling me they need to cancel that one and if it was possible for me to go tomorrow morning instead, I checked with Boss as he was in the office and he said ok, so it is now 9:30 tomorrow morning, going to have to fill in the questionnaires that were sent out tonight and get directions to the place where it will be. Or work out how to get there via bus as I now have my staff pass so can use the bus for free now. I have been driving to work though as couldn't face the 6:30 starts at the moment, might try one on friday.

I hope everyone has been ok xxx

bevan840

Things seem to of levelled out for the moment, I'm still up and down, both emotionally and physically but trying to rest as much as possible.

Hospital appointment went ok, got a little emotional at one point as we were going through the questions and they were mainly about the previous 4 weeks. My next appointment isn't until September as she is full and then on holiday, she's given me some info on the team and 2 booklets on Pacing and Sleep. Going to give them both a shot, the pacing did work for me before, but the difference back then was I lived with M&D so didn't have to worry too much financially as I didn't have rent or bills to pay, now I do so not sure how it's going to work. I have an appointment with C.A.B on 9th August to help filling in DLA forms, if I was to get DLA it could mean that I could work less hours.

Have also started a little sort of game on my FB page of Tigger's Travels. I have a mini beanie Tigger with me at all times at the moment and I take a picture in random places to show where he is and what he's up to nearly every day, it's been good fun.

Financially the spreadsheet is looking ok, still using the overdraft but DH is doing some overtime at the moment so it's a little bit extra at least. Received an email from Pets At Home last week about cat biscuits (Iams) being reduced for 2 weeks, so I got a 3kg bag of the hairball for Angel for only £9, it's normally £16-£17!!!

Went to Sunderland Air Show yesterday, was a very good day, well worth the agony I am in today. Also had to move the wardrobe on Saturday as the BT engineer came to fix the landline, which is finally working Now just have to make sure they dont charge us for the repair as I had already paid for the engineer to come out and they didn't. The problem was in fact our problem but if an engineer had come out when they should of, we wouldn't of needed to call them out. The developer had wired all the sockets wrong, which was why none of them worked.

Lost track of SOA, so might just do an August one, still got spreadsheet for debts etc so I'm still on track with that one.

Hope everyone is ok xxx

savingholmes

hi bevan - sorry it has been so tough

Hugs hope things improve again from here on in

How is the new house going

bevan840

Hi and Thank you SH

The new house is lovely, few niggles we are working on but it's perfect. Still got a few boxes to sort through and we need to get some boards to put up in the loft and get some varnish for the shed, using S&S and GfK vouchers to get the varnish I won £5 with GfK in May and I had around 20,000 points on S&S, only claimed 10,000 as didn't know of anything else we needed so left the points there for if we ever need anything

Tigger's Travel's are here

savingholmes

Glad the house move at least was positive.

Tigger looks like he's been having fun!

bevan840

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household.............. 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned............................. 2

Monthly Income Details (4 Pay Days in August)
Monthly income after tax..................................... 760 Based on £190 a week as not sure if boss will let me drop some hours
Partners monthly income after tax.................. 1040 This doesn't include any overtime he works
Total monthly income.................... 1800

Monthly Expense Details
Rent............................................................................. 420
Council tax............................................................... 135 We are in Band B, so bit more than what we were used to but works out ok on spreadsheet
Electricity................................................................ 40 Still estimating these 3, haven't changed yet as wanted to see how much BG would come to and not received anything from water company yet
Gas.............................................................................. 60
Water rates............................................................. 25
Telephone (land line).......................................... 55
Mobile phone......................................................... 95.58 Ringing 0800 numbers on mobile for BG
TV Licence............................................................. 145.5 Always pay this in full
Groceries etc. ...................................................... 250 Hopefully
Petrol/diesel......................................................... 120 Aiming to use bus pass from August
Car Insurance........................................................ 76.3
CSA .......................................................................... 192.73
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc)............. 10.4
Pet insurance/vet bills....................................... 20.06
Contents insurance.............................................. 9.58 Renewed with better deal and got £20 cashback, won't be payable till Sep though
Christmas ................................................................ 25
Entertainment........................................................ 3.99
Honeymoon ............................................................. 10
House Deposit ....................................................... 0.01
Bank Charges.......................................................... 1.9
Total monthly expenses................. 1696.05

Assets
Car(s).............................................................. 2000
Total Assets........................ 2000

Unsecured Debts
Description.................................................Debt..............Monthly...............APR
CC1................................................................1808..................55..................23.7
CC2.............................................................844.21................30..................17.8
Littlewoods................................................285...................40...................0
Dad..............................................................2705...................0....................0
Mum.............................................................2200...................0....................0
Car...........................................................2200.56..............91.69.................0
Sofa............................................................757.1................31.55.................0
Total unsecured debts.........10799.87....248.24....-

Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income......................................................... 1,800
Expenses (including HP & secured debts)................ 1,696.05
Available for debt repayments...................................... 103.95
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments.......................... 248.24
Amount short for making debt repayments..... -144.29 Spreadsheet says we are ok so not sure if we are that bad, we will be using overdraft for roughly that amount though

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 2,000
Total Unsecured debt....................... -10,799.87
Net Assets..................... -8,799.87

Created using the SOA calculator at www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using Firefox browser.

So, things are going along nicely. Spreadsheet looks ok, not as red as it used to be so something must be going the right way. Gas, Electric and Water I'm waiting on a bill for these but still putting money into the bill account to cover them when the bill does arrive. Phone line is now fixed so going to ring and ask for them to refund the days that I had paid for and wasn't able to use it. My wages might go down if Boss agree's to let me come in an hour later than usual, especially if I'm going to start using the bus. DH is working overtime when he can. TV licence I always pay in full but is in the spreadsheet so am prepared for it every August. Mobile was high but lower than I expected, due to ringing 0800 numbers and going over both my minutes and texts, now I know how important my land line is :rotfl: Petrol I've only included money for my car as DH will be using mine when I'm using the bus as it's cheaper to run than his. Hopefully doing it that way we can save the money so that we can get his fixed, oil leak, timing belt and full service!

Debt at Worst ..... 12,600.55
Debt Now .......... 10,799.87
Paid Off ........... 1,800.68
% Paid Off ......... 14.29%

savingholmes

hi bevan - where have you gone? hope you are okay

bevan840

Hi SH, I'm still here, sort of, keep forgetting to update on here.

Had a brilliant week off with Mum and Dad last week. They came up late Sunday night, Dad stayed till Wed night then went over to Uncles for a few days and couple of games of golf, Mum stayed with me With their help I got to Durham monday morning to see the lady at C.A.B to fill in my DLA forms, posted them recorded delivery yesterday. Got the CD with my recent X-ray on and got a shock when I saw the pictures :eek: Printed the pictures off onto photo paper as it didn't look too clear on normal paper. Received a letter from CFS team about my last appointment, photocopied it and put it in with the form, they have also asked for me to be referred to the Mental Health Unit (They're learning :rotfl:) After Mum and Dad saw the pics they nagged like crazy to go to Dr and demand a referral. Dad took me to see GP on the Wednesday and came in with me. I showed GP the pictures and asked for the referral and got it, I now have an appointment for Sept 21st to see someone in the Spinal Service. I'm going to try and aim for a SpineCor brace, as they are the most proven to help and you can also be fully mobile as well, someone I found on FB had 2 curves, she had the SpineCor brace and now she's only got 1 curve which is only 11 degrees!! Mum was an absolute gem! She planned and cooked all week and did the bulk of the cleaning, I sorted the washing We would normally have activity in the morning and then a resting afternoon and it worked really well for me. They went home on Sunday and the house was very quiet after the boys had gone home, felt weird when DH took them home as I was in the house on my own for the first time all week. Birthday was nice and quiet, exactly how I like them! Mum cooked my fave meal, Lasagne, yum yum and I'd bought some special deserts from the supplier at work for desert which were ok, didn't taste as good as it normally does, but was nice all the same. Paid the cheques into the bank and going to put them into a different account as I want to buy a new, more powerful graphics card for PC, but need help from X to be able to find the right one

Still on sticks and using the bus, it's cheaper than using both cars so saving us about £30 a week. Reached payout on both scratchies, one had already gone over but wanted to withdraw at same time so got £20.70 (£10.70 But £10 V) already gone into bank account Spreadsheet still looking good, looks like we might need the overdraft until Sept but hopefully if we stick with using one car it might be sooner. Mum refused to let me pay for practically any shopping last week so saved a little that way too.

Told Boss before holiday that I wouldn't be able to manage 9am starts for a while, he didn't say ok but he also didn't say it wasn't so I was coming in for 10 until I found a bus which stops just outside the house and I can now get in for 9.30 keeping a note in my filofax what hours I'm working so that I can make sure I put the right amount of hours down.

Still having difficulty coming to terms with losing my Aunt/Godmother. During the day I can be ok as I can distract myself with work/games but it's night time that hits me and 9 times out of 10 will cry before bed. Missed receiving the funny poem on my Birthday which she usually sends. It's little things that normally sets me off. In one of the papers in Cornwall they printed an article after the funeral, it had a picture and I was shocked to see myself in it, they'd taken it as we were all following her into the Church. The girls are doing ok according to Mum but my Uncle is lost, wish I could be there to offer my help. One of AV's friends was writing a book before it happened and she dedicated it to AV. Mum got us all a copy and it is next on my reading list. Joined the local library as there were a series of books that I started reading and I can't afford to go out and buy them like I used to, so found out if they had the books and then signed up, had 1 book already and finished it in a week We get the books for 3 weeks lol Going to take it back on Saturday and see if the next book is there.

TV license is sorted. Need to ring BT about a refund for the time that the phone line wasn't working. Next door neighbour had same problem and she spoke to the builders instead of the Housing !!! and apparantly they don't set up the phone points, they just put the wires in, so really it would be up to the owners to get the phone points wired up correctly, cheeky bu**ers!! Still haven't had anything from BG, tried to join EDF online so that I could get cashback but they can't find my address because of it being a new build! Grr, so no cashback if I want to swap, will ring BG soon with meter readings, only received a letter about Electric with customer number on, nothing for gas yet.

I can't think of anything else at the moment, I hope everyone is ok and will try and update a little more regularly xxx

bevan840

We're out of the overdraft :j:T

Lets hope we can stay out of it this time!! According to spreadsheet we should be ok