Married the wrong person with dodgy financial history: grounds for annulment?

drmr69

blessings3 wrote:

She pressured me into having a child??? And you are big enough to earn 150k but not say no? - Stop the self pity and realise you have a child to raise with this woman - yes either staying with her or seperating its going to cost you money and yes she is obviously a PITA but take some responsiblity

Thanks for your direct, honest reply, but can I just clarify... I do not earn 150K (I wish). I said I brought 150K into the marriage. That is my house value + my savings minus my outstanding mortgage.

I know that I am responsible for going along with having a child - it takes two to tango. But I was misled and I was vulnerable at the time for other reasons (which I have not mentioned). Yes I made a huge mistake, but I am not the one who did the deceiving. If she gets custody she will probably get my house as well and leave me with next to nothing.

Perhaps that is the price I have to pay if its best for my daughter to stay with her, but I am not so sure. Right now its fine my wife is very good at looking after a baby. But what happens when my daughter gets older? What if her mum leads her to belive that its ok to run into debt and sooner or later some bloke will come along and sort it out for her? Or another worry - will she be violent towards my daughter?

No easy answers, and I will ride it out for as long as I can, but the purpose of my starting this tread is to understand my position if I did try to end the marriage.

Big thanks to everyone for your responses. Will try to reply to some more later

drmr69

Kimberley, Bossyboots, thanks for your suggestions.

One question (sounds crazy I know). Do you think it would help if I managed to record an incident on tape - I could hide a small dictating machine (or use my mobile phone) to record one of her tantrums. Anyone know whether this could be used as evidence in court?

wigginsmum

I think it might even be illegal to do that, and almost certainly not admissable in court.

drmr69

Karnam wrote:

this is probably not relevent, esp as it happened in america

but didnt renee zellwerger (sp?) get an annulment based on deception before marriage?

Yes that occured to me too. Anyone had experience of this?

Definitely one to ask the solicitor.

Mike

drmr69

fsdss wrote:

why not just pay off her debt of 10k quickly, if you have 150k assets then there should be no probs...that will reduce the arguements as i suspect that the debt is causing most of them (you are saving about this per year if you were paying childcare).
it sound as though her self esteem needs building....encourage her to night school or to work evenings. give her back some value to her life.
your child is the most important person to BOTH of you, beware of the psychological damage that you are both doing to her by arguing, this will lead to problems later on in life.
if you remove the child from her you risk the baby getting attachment anxiety which means REAL problems for the future.
you obviously still have feelings for her so there is something to build on
good luck

Paying off 10K is not that easy... most is tied up in the house & long-term invetments. But that is not really what bothers me. To date she will still not acknowledge that what she did was wrong - I'd feel like an idiot pushover if I just paid up, and somehow that would send the wrong message to her.

I tried to get her to do evening classes, or work... no luck!

tee_pee_2

my brother and his wife divorced because she was getting him into debt he didn;t know about. he saw a solicitor and after a long battle he got the children.

it is not always the woman who wins but be prepared to have a figth on your hands and stick to your guns. if your partner is capable of hitting you whilst you are holding the child , then perhaps the child is better off with you. remind youself of that whenever you are getting bogged down with legal battles.

blessings3

She pressured me into having a child???

-

I was vunerable at the time

I'm not saying what she did was right - but you still had a child wether you were vunerable or not

I'm not saying you should stay with her, she obviously has some major issues but there does seam to be a tone of she made me do it - rather than I made a mistake and now need to take care of it and do the best for my child

Also I'f you intend to try and get custody of the child (which as someone who has not met yourself or wife I do not feal qualified to make a judment on!) - have a look around at childcare costs - and realise the implications for your futer social/work life

Even if she gets custody it is very unlikerly that she will ''get your house'' - her debts and finacial position before the marriage will be taken in to account - If you get a good solicitor!

drmr69

blessings3 wrote:

-
Even if she gets custody it is very unlikerly that she will ''get your house'' - her debts and finacial position before the marriage will be taken in to account - If you get a good solicitor!

How do I get a good solicitor for this sort of thing? There are so many out there, I haven't got a clue where to start!

Bossyboots

drmr69 wrote:

How do I get a good solicitor for this sort of thing? There are so many out there, I haven't got a clue where to start!

Do you know anyone that could recommend one as this is the best way.

Solicitors who have a legal aid franchise for family work have passed rigorous auditing of their file procedures to obtain this so, even if you are not looking for legal aid, you might want to go to one with a contract so you know someone has vetted them. That is not to say a firm that does not do legal aid would not be good, just that if you cannot get a personal recommendation then at least you know these firms have been checked. You should check that their franchise status is category 1, possibly 2, but definitely not 3.

blessings3

drmr69 - Thanks for the thanks ! Bossyboots'S advice re solicitors is spot on - a specialist in family law would be your best bet - also re the house etc - there are lots of different options that would be possible that would ensure your child a stable home without just signing the house away - particularly as your wife seams to be ''financially challenged'' - But also bear in mind that if she does satay at home to look after your daughter - she is givig up pension rights - promotion opportunities etc -