my friend is outstaying his welcome

GDB2222

I'm reminded of this, from my ancient MIL:

'Guests are like fish - after 3 days they stink.'

maryotuam

Be straight. A good friendship will survive you telling him that you value your privacy and need your place back for yourselves. We had a friend and her child stay for 5 months once but she was actively buying a property and tried her hardest not to intrude. However it was a great relief to have our place to ourselves.

mlz1413

If I let a friend stay and they said 'I just want to be lazy today' in answer to any question I would have retorted 'not when you're in my home'.

good friends survive any fall out, this friend is taking liberties and by the sounds of it will probably stay with all his friends before finally getting a place of his own.

If you work long hours then you don't want anyone being around to mess up the little quality time you have, so get firm with this friend, tell him to pick all his stuff up from around the house and keep it in the guest room when you are letting him stay.

Then tell him he needs to find a place by the end of the month and between now and then he is to buy his own food and pay you £X towards gas/elec, personally I'd charge him at least £100 as he has been there long enough to cough up a decent sum.

Don't let him stay any longer, travelodges are from £19 per night and they are open 24hours a day.

m1ntie

Even if he found a flat today, with references credit checks etc, it is likely to take 10-14 days before he could move in.

You need to decide if you are prepared to wait that long - if you are, set out some clear ground rules about money, tidyness etc.

GoldenGirl25

Grr wrote a really long post then it went funny to sumarise:

Your both friends and to have a good friendship you have to respect each other. I think in this situation his not aware of how his behaviour is upsetting you. Its your home and its up to you to set the boundaries clearly.

1. I think you should take him to the pub (good as its neutral territory)
2. Ask him how his getting on with his flat hunt and if he needs help. Ask him how much longer he thing he will realistically need to stay and tell him that its longer then you thought and he can stay as long as he contributes by paying some money set a lump sum figure and just cleaner in general.
3. Bring with you a list of estate agents and websites that you can say a "friend" passed on to you.Also Bring a blank notebook and both sit down and draft what your friends looking for.
4. After that when you get back in email round the estate agents. Once the balls in motion they will contract him for viewings etc.

Its in a pain in the backside having to spoon feed him but at the end of the day- the more help you give him to find a place the quicker he will be out of your hair.

lovethymini

This happened to me a few years ago - a work colleague was in between lodgings so I agreed to put her up for a month in my 2 bed flat, I found it really difficult to live with her (shan't make this an essay but I'll just say the final straw was when she ate my last 2 weetabix)

I told her my sister was coming to stay for the weekend of the 5th week (this gave her 2 weeks notice), so I needed the bedroom back. It kind of forced the issue without me needing to be honest and tell her she was driving me up the wall.

I know, I was a wuss but I still had to work with her!