Cheating wife left and now wants maintenance!

bossanova_2

Thanks RAS but can u explain (HIP) and EAs ?? not sure what this means. is it estate agents? I think they are both meeting with a mortgage advisor on weds evening to try and sort something. He is still going to seek legal advice with regards to spousal maintenance and the adultery. You are right also that he should look after himself and this is starting to show in his decisions.

terryw

A very sad story and some excellent advice from posters above.

Purely considering a divorce, basically after separation for two years with both parties agreeing, or separation for five years with no agreement , then divorce is granted. the question of "blame" rarely comes into it. Just be careful that solicitor's costs can be high, and someone, someday will have to pay this even if it is from the equity in the house.

terryw

busiscoming2

HIP is a home information pack, it is something all potential vendors have to have now.

sarymclary

The reason for a marital breakdown nowadays is not about laying blame, so the fact that the wife has been unfaithful, and is now living with another man is irrelevant as far as the courts are concerned. Their marriage will have been deemed to have broken down due to 'irreconcilable differences'.

As stated earlier, spousal maintenance is paid usually only in the circumstances of higher income couples, and where a spouse is deemed to have sacrificed their own career aspirations to support their spouse, raise a family and keep the home. If the wife in question is still of working age, then it's unlikely, although the marriage was a long one, so it may be that the court consider she might have claim on his pension rights, but that would have to be decided in a financial settlement. This settlement can be done either through mediation, which isn't costly, and any marital solicitor should recommend this as a first port of call before any legal proceedings begin.

Your friend should beware that using the courts to resolve difficulties between parties is costly, and they do not want to be left with thousands of pounds of extra costs, which would be payable by both parties individually. A court would decide a financial settlement based on the financial circumstances, earnings, mortgage, debts, pensions, contributions made during the marriage (whether monetary or physically/emotionally). Everything that ties the couple financially is put into a 'pot', and then negotiations are made between the parties to decide how the finances are split. All splits start at a 50/50 point, and go up/down from there once all matters are taken into consideration. Mediation is a way for both parties to sit down with an impartial mediator to discuss how finances be split, and arranged after the divorce. The divorce itself is merely a formality of papers being witnessed and read before a court, and nominal fees are payable at the court to do this. You can probably find the relevant information online, or by calling your local court for advice.

If the wife does not work, then it is not possible for her to buy the husband out of his share of the equity, but we do not know what financial position her new partner is in, and he may be able to fund a joint mortgage they get. The wife could make a claim on future pension payments, so she would need to sign an agreement to waiver her claim on them, as well as agreeing to not lay claim to any future financial matters where he is concerned.

Spousal maintenance is more likely to be paid to a spouse who has not worked for the majority of a marriage, and was supported by one spouse as part of their own agreement during the marriage. It is recognised that someone who has not got a proven career path would find difficulty to support themselves after the breakdown of a marriage. The reason for that breakdown is not taken into account when maintenance is awarded, unfortunately for your friend. Maintenance, if awarded is payable until the person being paid re-marries, but co-habiting does not affect it's payment.

If your friend has certain investments, pensions, etc., then I really do think he would do well to seek some preliminary legal advice. I would also recommend he does not agree to any other binding legal agreement, ie. remortgage, etc., until he has done so. Your friend is unaware as to what advice the wife is receiving, and may be learning fast how to secure her own financial future.

It is very sad that your friend has been left in this manner, and I hope they resolve matters as well as possible. I am sure he is very angry, but my advice would be for him to attempt to retain a degree of civility with the wife to keep communication ongoing. This will enable them to attempt negotiations outside of the courts as much as possible, as well as giving him an insight into what she is doing. It's harder when you have no idea what the other party is doing in the background.

Unfortunately, the information on the PC is valueless, unless he wants to inform friends & family of the truth about the wife, but that may well be frowned upon by the court.

As someone who was married, raised the family while my ex worked, and the marriage broke down due to his personal issues, he thought that as the wage earner he was entitled to everything we had. I was awarded a split of our 'pot' 90/10 in my favour (partly because my ex was difficult providing financial info to the courts, clearly hiding money along the way, etc.). I always played by the book, was open and honest about everything.

The fact that she is asking for maintenance shows that she feels she's owed some kind of financial support from the husband, since the grown children will not be entitled to any, whereas if they had split when the children were younger she would have been entitled to maintenance for the children.

Errata

Maintenance ? She can get off her lazy backside and work. If she's a pensioner she can apply for pension credit.

bossanova_2

hi sarymclary, thank you for the advice it will be passed on very soon.

He could divorce her for adultery though right? (if its becomes something he wishes to do)

Legal advice is going to happen soon also and hopefully your advice will prompt some helpful questioning and get some helpful answers too.

Errata...very good and she's got a good 20 yrs of workable life left in her before being a pensioner....so yes she can! ^_^

Errata

He can divorce her on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. DWP wouldn't believe her if she said she was just living with a friend - they'd consider it was a partnership. I would guess a judge would take the same view. The woman's clearly away with the fairies !

sarymclary

bossanova wrote: »

He could divorce her for adultery though right? (if its becomes something he wishes to do)

Adultery as a reason for divorce:
You must prove that, either through actual admission or through sufficient circumstantial evidence, your spouse has had sexual intercourse with another person of the opposite sex and that you find it intolerable to live with your spouse. If a sexual liaison short of sexual intercourse has taken place, it's suggested that the unreasonable behaviour ground is used.

You can name the other person involved as a co-respondent but this isn't essential and can have serious consequences. Doing so can make the divorce proceedings more acrimonious, more complicated and more drawn out. It's, therefore, usually best to avoid naming a co-respondent. If you wish to name the other person in your divorce proceedings, you should take legal advice before doing so.

Adultery can be used as the basis for a divorce petition, whether you and your spouse are still living together or there has been a separation, but, in either case, not more than six months must have elapsed since you became aware of the adultery before the divorce petition is sent to the court.

It is now rather unusual for adultery to be the reason given in a divorce petition, and you'd need to name the person the spouse had committed adultery with. That would mean them being named in court papers, and the other person/'co-respondent' may deny it. Your friend would need to have absolutely concrete evidence (ie. catching them in the act of intercourse). I don't know if the info on the PC would actually be enough - bear in mind all the stuff that's readily available on the internet already!

Whilst I understand that the wife in question has another 20 years of working ahead of her, it will also be taken into account any 'sacrifice' she may have made by means of a career in her 30 years as a wife. As a means of addressing the imbalance that can exist in relationships where a woman is left to do the child rearing, and not returning to work, or finding it hard to do so, being a stay at home mum and raising children is now being seen as a supporting role to a husband, who is enabled to continue to work, and further his career whilst becoming a parent, because of his wife's support (and vice versa where there is a stay at home dad). The wife's role in supporting the husband, and in enabling him to have a career may be seen as having been a pivotal and cruicial part of their partnership. It isn't just a case of who earned what during the 30 years. You have to take into account relationships where a man felt it was 'wrong' for his wife to have to go to work. Rather old fashioned, but not unheard of (my in-laws were like this).

I do think your friend needs to meet with a solicitor, but he should be prepared to not necessarily be able to just turn his back on his wife of 30 years, without her getting anything. He may be the 'wronged' party here, but the courts aren't there to judge the morals or in's and out's of a relationship, or hear from the wife about the husband's perhaps intolerable moods, dreadful snoring, etc.

The wife could claim certain tax credits if she is co-habiting, depending upon her new partner's income. The DWP would want to check very carefully if she were simply a lodger, and no doubt do investigating if they were suspicious.

NAR

I would have thought there are grounds for adultery being cited, though I agree a solicitor's advice would be advisable to ensure that it is admissable as evidence (stuff on PC). If adultery is used she would have to spend a lot of money defending it, especially if the "evidence" is put to her. Otherwise the wife could petition for unreasonable behaviour and he end up with costs awarded against him!

elastigirl

My friend pulled a right number on her husband, No one has spoken to her since. She had it all planned for about a year with i think hurt her hubby more in the end. She slowly moved money out of there joint account into a new one for her. It was such a small amount each month over the year he didn't notice or she could explain it away. She delt with all the bills etc and would give him papers to sign every now and then,if thought they were normal bills or house stuff. But in actual fact she was opening up tons of credit accounts from like next, littlewoods etc all in his name and spending to the max on them and anything that was in her name she transfer to his so when she left all her debt became his. she ran up a huge credit card bill too.
She found a house and started to rent it 4 months before she left, She fliters clothes and belonging out bit by bit so he didn't notice, she bought all her furniture and set up the house so she could move in straight the way when she left. Then one morning she took the kids and went. He didn't have a clue and of course was and still is devastated.He has only just found out now how devious she was.
just to kick him in the balls some more she waited untill he was at work and stripped the house bare even though she has everything she could want at her new house. She was kind tho and left him his bed and the tv thats all she left though. They lived acrossed the road from me and i saw it all it was so sad. They sold the house and they spilt it 50 50. We still see her hubby a lot and he said that she is refusing money for the kids not that he can afford it but has offered and she won't take a penny but then throws it in his face in fights and says he has no right as doesn't pay for them.