It's finally hit me.....

MushyPeas

Oh, do double check with the other tariff that the 'free' minutes you buy is to all networks. No point swapping if with Virgin it is only free to, for example, BT land lines.

wigginsmum

Do you pay for food shopping with cash? If so, take out the same amount, be sensible on how you shop and save up the rest to put towards the cards.

little_miss_broke_2

scottishspendaholic wrote:

Hi Little Miss,

I am nearly in tears here reading your emotional thread - you are having your lightbulb moment and everything will get easier from here on in. Yes, you might have low points - but I promise - this really is the worst part.

I just wanted to chat quickly about the telling the hubby bit. I faced up to things in mid January this year and started cutting back, selling on eBay, starting a wee crafts/wedding favours business, trying to change tariffs and payments + lots more = generally trying to sort myself out financially to pay off my debts. Eventually on 25 Feb a couple of weeks ago, it all just got too much - I tell my OH most things and it was killing me, not being able to talk to him and keeping everything all bottled up. We had a huge row about nothing and I was so upset and was talking about there not being a way out and anywhere to go and I just felt so low - I even considered calling the Samaratins as I had no-one else to talk to. Eventually I came home and just spilled everything out to my OH. He was lovely - I thought he'd be so angry (since this certainly wasn't the first time I had hidden debts from him and he'd found out) but he had a couple of secrets too and we worked through everything together, he gave me a big hug and helped me sort everything out, as some things were still in a jumble and a week or so on - I am so glad that happened. There has been no resentment or bad feeling and he was just SO glad that I had told him - he just wants us to be truthful with each other. He just couldn't bear that I was trying to brave all this by myself. He also really appreciated the fact that I was trying to be proactive and sort things out/earn money and wasn't just panicing and being inactive.

If I was going to give any tips from your SOA, I would recommend that you get Martin's Money Diet book (updated version) from your local library (for free!) - I can't praise it enough and I reread a chapter or so every night for inspiration. Even when you think you've taken on all the tips you can and worked through everything, there's always something else. I've cut back my SOA drastically and now live on a £20 budget a week which is hard but working but every week I get ideas from Martin's book and the site like claiming back bank charges, setting up a business, what will sell on eBay and loads more.

eBay and Amazon selling is another good tip. I thought I had nothing to sell and made £300+ last month and still haven't sold everything. I keep unearthing stuff and coming up with new ideas.

Anyway - I have lots more to say, but will shut up for now. Please keep posting - I really look forward to getting to know you better in the next few months.

Good luck and remember, we're all here for you

scottishspendaholic x

Thank you, thank you, thank you Your post has almost had ME in tears. I like that: "the lightbulb moment", it's been threatening for some weeks now, months probably. But i know i've been trying to ignore it and pretend, hope it will all go away or sort itself out.

I will tell H, i'm just not 100% sure when to be honest. I do want to tell him, to share it with him (like you guys we don't do secrets as a rule), i hate keeping things from him. I don't want to worry him though. Oh, it's so hard........ part of me is desperate to tell him, but part of me just wants him to be proud of me. I just know he'll be so disappointed. This is not the 1st time i've been in a mess with my finances and he's helped me out twice before in the past. The loan from tesco was to pay of my CC's last year and guess what........yep, i've run them back up again.

I'm just so ashamed of myself. And flipping cross with myself too.

wigginsmum

Just a small point, but have you cut up your cards so you can't put anything else on them?

How about directing him to this thread as an ice-breaker? It's obvious you're determined to get this all sorted out, so hopefully he'll be proud of you.

little_miss_broke_2

Hmmm, no joy from orange unfortunately. I upgraded my phone in december, so to leave them now i'd have to pay 9 months of my line rental. Ouch. I can't leave them, fee-free, till this december. BUT i did speak to a very nice lady who was able to alter my pay tariff, so hopefully that will help.

The food shopping, i do on-line and pay with our joint debit card. I'm pretty sure there ARE things we pay for out of out joint account that could be reduced you know......once i speak to H i'll look into these :-)

georgiasmum

Just wanted to add my support re the husband. Have only been married for 1 year and my husband comes from abroad where debt is unheard of for ordinary people (think semi third world country!!) He is totally supportive and is prepared to help me out as he can see I am making real in roads. Men like to be useful and I think that if you talk to him he will understand. Mine did and I feel like even more stress has been removed. We are going on holiday in the summer to see his family (paid for in cash) and we will do it together! Lots of love to you. :T

wigginsmum

Believe me, it's much easier when DH pulls with you. Mine has always left the finances to me (all the joint bills come out of my current account so I know they get paid, and he transfers an amount to me on the 1st of the month), so now I'm the one who applies the brakes, says No to unnecessary purchases etc. He watches me with mouth open as I actually read the Buy One Get One Free offers in supermarkets, say things like 'We're having pork instead of lamb because it's £2.99/kg instead of £7.99/kg,' shop around for good rates, cross swords with NTL on the phone and haggle to get their prices down etc. Since November I've reduced our outgoings by £102/month by being savvy with no real lifestyle changes.

little_miss_broke_2

wigginsmum wrote:

Just a small point, but have you cut up your cards so you can't put anything else on them?

How about directing him to this thread as an ice-breaker? It's obvious you're determined to get this all sorted out, so hopefully he'll be proud of you.

No, the cards are all still cluterring up my purse. Shall i do it? Yes, i will. I'll do it now......hang on.


Oh god, i've done it. My purse looks empty now :laugh:

That felt VERY good though, chopping them into little bits :T

wigginsmum

Well done!

little_miss_broke_2

I've kept all the little bits and i've put them in an envelope. I'm going to speak to H tonight hopefully (he's at work today) and i'll show him the bits. Hopefully it will show him i'm really, really, serious. In all the time i've "cleared" the debt before i've never chopped up my cards, using the excuse "just in case......" Well now, if i've got no cards i can't make it any worse can i?

I'm still scared though of telling him. So scared. I just want him to love me and be proud of me. It's the disappointment that's going to hurt me the most. But i guess i deserve it really. I AM feeling more positive though, i just need to make him realise i'm serious (like i said, this isn't the 1st time this has happened.)