Getting married - what do we do with our cash??

shoppaholic_returns

thescouselander wrote: »

I don think you can dictate what people should do just because they are married. Everyone is different, what works for one couple could be completely wrong for another. It is down to the couple in question to come to an arrangement that best suits them both.

Who's dictating anything??? Just merely putting MY point across, sorry thought freedom of speech was allowed in this country!!!!!!

Oh and wasn't OP ASKING FOR OPINION/WHAT OTHERS DO?????

thescouselander

shoppaholic_returns wrote: »

Who's dictating anything??? Just merely putting MY point across, sorry thought freedom of speech was allowed in this country!!!!!!

Oh and wasn't OP ASKING FOR OPINION/WHAT OTHERS DO?????

Sorry, let me clarify, I wasn't suggesting you personally were trying to dictate anything. I was just trying to say the getting married doesn't mean you have to arrange your finances in a particular way.

shoppaholic_returns

Thanks for your apology!

shoppaholic_returns

thescouselander wrote: »

Sorry, let me clarify, I wasn't suggesting you personally were trying to dictate anything. I was just trying to say the getting married doesn't mean you have to arrange your finances in a particular way.

I see what you mean, but I think and agree with several other posters who say Trust is the biggest thing in a relationship,by doing things jointly,there has to be alot of trust and the coupl have to be open and honest with each other, which would be a great start.

marshmallows

My hubby is useless with money so we have seperate accounts, he also doesnt have his bank card i have it. We have a budget and stick to it so we both have our own money but hubby doesnt deal with finances

Silverbird

I haven't read all the replies, but this is what we do:

My husband of 2 years is in about 20K of debt. Due to this and the repayments, I pay all of the bills except car maintenance, petrol, electric and the Council Tax.

We have never had a joint account and I'm not sure we ever will. I've seen how it works with my parents where she has to ask him for money or explain herself, despite working full-time.

I know our situation is unusual with me paying the majority of bills (rent, food, TV, phone, internet etc), but I imagine that when we're both debt-free (hopefully in a couple of years) then we will just share out some of the bills fairly equally in relation to salary. Ie. I would pay rent and he would pay food and Council Tax and electric for the month etc. The rest of the money left over would be ours and we wouldn't have to explain anything to the other or feel guilty for using 'our' money and things won't get complicated if we're earning different amounts this way either. Although I have to say that I personally find it sad that in some couples the one that earns more pays the same amount of the bills as the partner, so that person always has more 'extra' money. I personally (not wishing to offend anybody - it's a personal thing) couldn't do that. I would feel guilty and would want to share it with OH anyway. We like things fair and equal in our house. If I were the higher earner (and I am) then I would pay another bill so that we're both left with the same disposable income each month. As I say, not everybody agrees and it's just a personal thing.

We're a very easygoing and very open and honest couple and we've often helped each other out when needed, so if one of us is short one month then it's discussed and the situation is sorted. There's no arguments and no resentment, as we're both very MSE and trying to clear debts ASAP and don't spend unless needed. It's not talking about problems with his ex that got my OH into debt in the first place, along with her constant demands for material things, which we both wish he'd found the guts to refuse.

So many couples do so many different things and it's important that you both sit down and discuss who will pay what and what happens with 'extra' money and what kind of accounts you want (joint account for everything, joint account for bills or totally seperate accounts). Give them all a try, if you wish, and see which works best.

fay144

mquine wrote: »

Surely the real issue is that you're not budgeting properly and telling your OH that you both only need to contribute £X each month, when £Y would be more realistic?

I would say a 'one pot' system is only a good idea when one partner isn't able to work, e.g. because of retraining, redundancy, illness or childcare. If both partners are working full time and have no children, I would stick with a 'three pot' system. Just be more realistic about how much you need, as a couple, to live on.

I agree with this. Surely, if he is questioning the odd extra item that needs to be paid out of the joint account now, it would be 100 times worse if everything was joint? I have the same system as you have now, but we each put an extra £50-£100 or so in every month, to cover non-regular bills. That means we can can always use the account without needing to worry about it.

thescouselander

shoppaholic_returns wrote: »

I see what you mean, but I think and agree with several other posters who say Trust is the biggest thing in a relationship,by doing things jointly,there has to be alot of trust and the coupl have to be open and honest with each other, which would be a great start.

I don think it is a matter of trust, I trust my other half completely but that doesn't mean we have to put all of our money into the same account - we know we trust each-other and don't feel the need to prove it in this way. We are quite open with each-other about how we spend money but we are more comfortable doing things the way we do - its just a matter of preference and as I said, it works for us.

sassygirl_2

Hubby and I have a joint account. Everything gets paid into that. Each month all the bills go out. We have a card each for the account so if i want something i go get it, if hubby wants anything he does the same (although majority of the time he asks me to get it for him lol)
OH works full time and im a sahm. All the money that goes into the account is ours and we never have to ask each other for money, we just check the acc and if there's some in there we know we can use it without the other asking any questions.
Its just what works for us. I personally couldnt have seperate accounts and pay a percentage of bills etc.

Nicola1982

Thank you all so much for posting with your advice - still feel a bit confused as to what would be best for us so will sit down with hubby to be this evening and I will show him all of your answers.

Thanks everybody! very much appreciated.