Getting married - what do we do with our cash??

alwaysonthego_2

Me and dh have been married for 8 years and we pool our money. I do not work since our dd was born 5 years ago and I am a full time student. I manage the finances and pay the bills. It works well for us, I could not imagine owing him money and vice versa.

nickyhutch

suki1964 wrote: »

Joking aside whats ours is ours. Its one account for spending and one account for savings - joint accounts.

Its swings and roundabout in life. For the first five years together I was the main earner, the last five years - he was. Now Im the sole earner since hes been unemployed for the past few months. Its called a partnership, its married life

:T:T:T:T:T

I can't understand loving someone enough to live with them, marry them, maybe have children with them, but not enough to share your money with them.

becs

Before we were married we used to have the same arrangement as you do now. However we opened a joint account when we got married and now we just have that. All our money goes into it and all bills come out. Dh earns double what I do and he cheekily reminds me of that sometimes (tongue in cheek I hasten to add!) to which I just point out that when we bought our house I had a house to sell and had 60k profit out of it which went into this house, that soon shuts him up! :rotfl:
No seriously I completely agree with the last few posts, we got married because we love and TRUST each other and wanted to make a commitment so financially there is no his and mine it's all "ours".

squirrelchops

OH currently pays fo everything as i am a student. I pay for the weekly food shop though.

We talked last night about how we will split the bills when I re start work and agreed on a joint account from which the bills are paid each month. After this what we have left is up to us how we spend it.

The thought of doling out 'pocket money' to me seems absolutely horrid to be honest! We do discuss big purchases now as I have soem savings but i wouldn't expect him to have to ask for more pocket money because he saw something he fancied buying or vice versa for me if I want new shoes or the like!

He earns good money and works bloody hard for it so as far as I am concerned he can have some treats if he so chooses. When we go out we take it in turns to pay but if he knows i am getting near the end of my student monies he will pay more often.

I am sorry but there is no way that everything we each have will automatically be 'ours'. He already has a house he BTL and as far as I am concerend that is his and even if we split up I wouldn't want dibs on it as he has always paid for it himself. Likewise I have inherited a large amount of £ and property. This is mine solely. Yes we will both benefit form each others bits in the future but should we split up they will remain with who they originally belonged to. Houses bought together would be split up equally.

I do not see why couples have to bung everything in the pot and divide by half?? I do not think if fair that I, for example and on his mortgage at present when I cannot afford to contribute to it. Maybe it is because I have my own financial security I am not bothered by this.

I think whatever works for you both as a couple is great. people do go for different options so go for what works the best for you both.

skintchick

We do it this way:

An account each, including a personal savings account.

A joint account.

We have our wages paid into our own accounts, then we each transfer into the joint account the amount we agreed on.

We worked that out by adding up our wages and working out what percentage of that total we each earned.

Then we added up all the bills except cars (which are individual expenses cos OH has a BMW and it's costly to service) and then used the percentages to work out how much each of us should put in. So if I earn 30 per cent of the total wages coming in, then I pay 30 per cent of the bills.

We then each put a set percentage of wages into the joint savings, and what was left over was our own.

Sounds complicated but isn;t, and we set up standing orders to do the transfers.

The joint savings are in my name as OH is a higher rate taxpayer and I'm not, but he has the login details.

Whatever works for you is fine, but make sure it works, and agree on finances before you get married.

suki1964

nickyhutch wrote: »

:T:T:T:T:T

I can't understand loving someone enough to live with them, marry them, maybe have children with them, but not enough to share your money with them.

Perhaps that's why so many marriages are doomed before they start- the foundations are not there in the first place. (and no way am I saying the OP is in this category)

alwaysonthego_2

squirrelchops wrote: »

I do not see why couples have to bung everything in the pot and divide by half?? I do not think if fair that I, for example and on his mortgage at present when I cannot afford to contribute to it. Maybe it is because I have my own financial security I am not bothered by this.

.

I do not work and a SAHM plus student, if I did not have access to my dh's money, which we class as ours, then I would have no money.

dieselhead

I do think you need to sit down with him and the spreadsheet, and show him where all the money goes, maybe you should be doing your accounts together every month. Also though I think you need to have a frank conversation about money and the future. If that future is going to include children, then the way you handle your money at the moment isn't really going to work when you are on a reduced income, for example on maternity leave or as a SAHM. Perhaps you need to reassure him that you won't stand in the way of him having the latest X box or whatever, but you need to feel financially secure, and that he will support you financially if necessary.

B.Inky

suki1964 wrote: »

Perhaps that's why so many marriages are doomed before they start- the foundations are not there in the first place. (and no way am I saying the OP is in this category)

I don’t think that having separate accounts necessarily means not ‘sharing’. We have entirely separate accounts, but we’re pretty free and easy over who pays for what. We just find it a lot easier, on a limited budget, to keep tabs on what we’re spending if our finances are separate. I’ve no idea how people work with a joint account- I think we’d end up being overdrawn constantly! I know we’re probably unusual, but it does really work for us. We do have a separate savings account (joint) and when we have children we’ll re-divide up the bills in a more appropriate manner (for example, if I’m not working, he will have to pay the rent, as he did in the past when I was studying). I think our arrangement works very well as we’re both taking responsibility for different areas, rather than the money going into a joint account and one person having to take responsibility.

mountainlioness

Hi Nichola

DH and I went fully joint (before we got married). We now have the same amount of 'allowance' paid from the joint account into our personal accounts... It was DH's idea and I was resistant at first - I thought I'd lose the freedom to splurge when I wanted...

His point was that one of us was bound to be earning more than the other at some point and he didn't want that person feeling unequal, like they were getting 'handouts' or couldn't match the other person in going out for meals etc.

I agreed in the end and we haven't looked back since... sometimes we lead each other astray and choose to splurge but it also works in the other direction and one will restrain the other! Either way, it really does feel like a partnership, in it together, for richer for poorer. I don't really notice what's mine and what's his, it's one pot - you kinda forget who put what in each month.

There is quite a lot of trust involved, as it's easier for one person to 'run' the finances (that's me:D) i.e. generally keep an eye on what's where. But then again, when you're marrying someone, or in a long-term partnership, trust is what it's all about.