Feeling like a fraud

Swans1912

within the venue wedding fayre usually have stalls where local businesses show you their stuff, for example when I went there were LOADS of stalls for favours, hair styling, wedding rings, reps from different venues with brochures, music people i.e DJs, Wedding dresses, make-up, photography and much more. I might be worth you having a look just to get some ideas of what you want and maybe see things that you haven't yet considered. I do understand, it can be quite disheartening to have to wait to get married, and i'm officially at square 1 as I've yet to save a bean because of car loan/credit cards, but at least I'm all paid up! I often think that I don't feel like a bride to be - none of the family seem that bothered and the day itself is far away because I can't really set a date without having any savings can i?

*Louise*

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

This is the second time I have been engaged. The first time, my ex had proposed because we had been together for a while and he felt like he ought to propose. He never really had any intention of marrying me.

This time around, I am with a wonderful man who would probably do anything for me. We'd really like to set a date but unfortunately, we'd like to buy a house before we get married. Which means that as we don't know how much money we need for a deposit, we don't know what savings we'll have left over which in turn means we can't set a date.

OH & I have got a target date which we haven't told anyone about, just in case we don't manage to do it. But I'm worried that my family think I'm just going to be engaged forever. I don't feel like a bride-to-be.

Just set your target date for now - if you need to change it in the future, so be it. At least it will give you the encouragement of having something to aim for.

As for being engaged forever - I'm sure you won't be, it sounds like it's something you really want.

My OH proposed to me in Nov 1998. We decided to buy a house, etc and had 3 kids before we even thought about saving for a wedding. It wasn't till last year I said to him in Nov that we had been engaged 10 years, he sort of looked shocked that it had been that long and said 'right, we're getting married next year'......I had everything organised within 6 weeks and and just sorting out little things in the run up now.

I guess if you want to save up and save up, you will keep putting the big day off - but we just arranged the wedding round our budget rather than finding a budget to suit the wedding. But at least you won't take as long getting round to it as we did :rotfl: :rotfl:

clearing_out_my_pockets

The thing is, OH & I have 'only' been together for coming up to two years. But we were together at school and drifted apart for one reason and another. I suppose part of me is regretting the years we missed out on and wondering "if we'd stayed together, would we be married by now?" and I have to admit, I think the answer would be yes.

caelshorn

Sorry, ladies, but I can barely stop myself from laughing out loud. The girl is trying to get to terms with the fact that finance is determining her romantic priorities and you're all telling her to go and look at dresses and tiaras! I would have thought that that would make you feel worse.

Here's my two-bob: give your man a great big hug, because he asked you and you agreed. That means you both took a big gulp and made a commitment. Congratulations! You've found someone who loves you so much he doesn't care how long it takes to become your hubby (although he might get sick of the sound of the word "wedding" if you drag him to every event in town for the next two years). Never mind how big or small the fuss other people make. Then put it to the back of your mind, where it might pop up if you go out to the pub on a Friday and you see a good band. The thought "they might be quite good at the reception" could make itself be heard, and be useful, but other than that, steer clear of wedding stuff.

And if you're absolutely desperate to be his missus, and that is more important to you than the circus that tends to go along with it, you can usually get a registrar to marry you for just over £100. Wear your Sunday best (as in previous centuries), a flower in your hair, your heart on your sleeve and you're good to go!

Snowy_Owl

Hi, I kinda agree with everyone and Caelshorn. My fiance and myself have been engaged just over a year with the date being July next year. We also hope to buy a place together before then.

For a long time it felt like neither would actually happen for various reasons e.g. "we have plenty time", heath reasons, fiance decluttering etc. :mad: BUT finally got fiance to sit down the the other night and just discuss wedding plans / the basics of the wedding day. I kinda felt in limbo coz he won't really help me declutter his place BUT once this is done - which is in sight - we can do it up for selling.It will be all hands on deck. He is accepting help with this! :beer:

The thing is to keep your priorities in check. regardless of whether we get our place before the wedding we WILL be getting married on our date as we do have the venues booked and like Caelshorn said, you have agreed to get married which in itself is a big commitment. All you need, at the end of the day are the local registrars and two witnesses. This helps keep me in perspective.

And i've got my cake booked. All chocolate!!!!! If it all the plans go to pot, at least I've got great comfort food!!!:rotfl:

Snowy Owl

This

MrsAnnie

Snowy_Owl wrote: »

And i've got my cake booked. All chocolate!!!!! If it all the plans go to pot, at least I've got great comfort food!!!:rotfl:


This

:T :T :T . May I pinch this idea!!!!!

clearing_out_my_pockets

OH & I had a chat last night about what we want from a wedding. I think we're going to back off from all things weddingy for the time being. When we first got engaged, OH wanted the all-singing all-dancing wedding which we can't afford. I can't help but feel that he's having to settle for second best by being with me.

Swans1912

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

OH & I had a chat last night about what we want from a wedding. I think we're going to back off from all things weddingy for the time being. When we first got engaged, OH wanted the all-singing all-dancing wedding which we can't afford. I can't help but feel that he's having to settle for second best by being with me.

Please don't feel that way. Just think.. he proposed to YOU, he wants to spend the rest of his life with YOU! Doesn't that make you feel amazing?

kelda_shelton

dont feel like that at all!

He asked you to marry him for a reason!

clearing_out_my_pockets

The scale of wedding that OH wanted was coming out at £15,000. With a mortgage to pay, that's not feasibly going to happen so OH is having to drop his standards in order to marry me!