Feeling like a fraud

clearing_out_my_pockets

This is the second time I have been engaged. The first time, my ex had proposed because we had been together for a while and he felt like he ought to propose. He never really had any intention of marrying me.

This time around, I am with a wonderful man who would probably do anything for me. We'd really like to set a date but unfortunately, we'd like to buy a house before we get married. Which means that as we don't know how much money we need for a deposit, we don't know what savings we'll have left over which in turn means we can't set a date.

OH & I have got a target date which we haven't told anyone about, just in case we don't manage to do it. But I'm worried that my family think I'm just going to be engaged forever. I don't feel like a bride-to-be.

emmzy

go dress shopping... i didnt feel like it was ever going to happen until i had the dresses on in the shop and i was shaking and panicking as soon as it hit me

Swans1912

I know exactly how you feel. I've been engaged for just over a year now with no set date in sight, the reason being we would like to move to a bigger house. We simply cannot decide what to do first, do we get married and stay in our current house while we ride out the recession and falling house prices (we are in negative equity at present) or save to move and put off the wedding? I guess theres no right or wrong answer but we just seem to be sitting in limbo at the moment until one of us decides what we should do first. We have just paid off our car loan so have not saved anything just yet.

clearing_out_my_pockets

I would go dress shopping, but the date we have in mind isn't for a bit over two years.

Marg

Go dress shopping - make a guest list - plan your invites - plan what colours you'd like - where's the reception - buy the bride magazines (not very MSE) - make a folder of all your ideas. 2 years will go very fast. My niece is getting dress sorted now for wedding in 18 months.
OR
Get married now on a VERY strict budget - it can be done.....check other threads on here.

clearing_out_my_pockets

I'd get married tomorrow if we had somewhere to live! The wedding doesn't matter to me as much - I want to be his wife. I don't care whether my second cousin twice removed can't make it. I just want the people I love to be able to see me marry the man I love.

But I know I can't do it yet.

Unfortunately, I've been over the guest list, I've done my budget, we've chosen a colour scheme and I have a folder with cut outs of magazines I bought before I was a MSE member.

MrsAnnie

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

This is the second time I have been engaged. The first time, my ex had proposed because we had been together for a while and he felt like he ought to propose. He never really had any intention of marrying me.

This time around, I am with a wonderful man who would probably do anything for me. We'd really like to set a date but unfortunately, we'd like to buy a house before we get married. Which means that as we don't know how much money we need for a deposit, we don't know what savings we'll have left over which in turn means we can't set a date.

OH & I have got a target date which we haven't told anyone about, just in case we don't manage to do it. But I'm worried that my family think I'm just going to be engaged forever. I don't feel like a bride-to-be.

What about ring shopping? That did it for me...seems so real now that the rings have been purchased :j .

I have been married once before and engaged a number of times :eek: . When I told my family and friends I was engaged this time and the date was set I got the distinct feeling that they all were thinking 'Here we go again!!!'. And it is making me really nervous that this time it I have to go through with it or they are going to think I am a fraud. I am having a very small wedding this summer and I haven't even ordered a cake or photographer just in case I get cold feet!!

Swans1912

I know the most important factor should be that you just want to be mr and mrs, but I'm hoping that I'm only going to get married the once and want a special day that the two of us will remember as being the most amazing day of our lives. I'd rather wait a year and do it exactly how i've always wanted to rather than do it next week and have certain things missing. But then again we are all different and the wedding day itself may be more important to some than others!

clearing_out_my_pockets

I did see some wedding shoes at the weekend that were perfect... And we've looked at rings, but I'd be too worried about losing them over the next two years :rotfl:

clearing_out_my_pockets

iKennett wrote: »

I know the most important factor should be that you just want to be mr and mrs, but I'm hoping that I'm only going to get married the once and want a special day that the two of us will remember as being the most amazing day of our lives. I'd rather wait a year and do it exactly how i've always wanted to rather than do it next week and have certain things missing. But then again we are all different and the wedding day itself may be more important to some than others!

I do understand your point, but even if I waited a year, it would never be exactly as I always dreamed it would be. Two years ago, my family fell apart after a huge argument and almost all of my dad's side will be missing from the wedding altogether. In my eyes, a big wedding will only emphasise that there are people missing from my life.

picklepick

i dont want to scare you but two years isnt really that long to organise a wedding. some places will be booked up already for the summer of 2011 depending on how popular they are. perhaps it isnt too early to be looking at venues?