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Dad who pays csa but doent get to see his child

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  • tell me is a non compliant ex a person who isnt doing as pwc wants?

    this suggests a control issue
  • im asking do you disagree with the policys of a government, an austrailian government in which 98% of children have relationships with BOTH parents - do you think the austrailian policy is wrong?


    also

    tell me is a non compliant ex a person who isnt doing as pwc wants?

    this suggests a control issue
  • LizzieS_2
    LizzieS_2 Posts: 2,948 Forumite
    Long time since I read the full Aussie system. It does have good points and bad points.

    Right non-compliant is not paying I guess? My ex used to pay when he collected his children (it was easier for him), he would go weeks without paying but he still took the children. So I'm afraid your statement is not in any way common to all.
  • Blob wrote: »
    Hi.

    Been there done that, if you want to see your child then it is time to [as the saying goes] to get down and dirty.

    You have to file for a 'Defined Contact Odren' you can if you like go through a solicitor or do it yourself, it is cost related!

    You should also apply for a 'Penal Notice' to be attached to the contact order, so that in the event that you ex decided that she is not bound by the Court Order she will have to answer to the Court.

    The Court will then get CAFCASS involved and they see the child and both parents, they then make a report to the Court it should be in the best intrests of the child.

    Remember that once you are down this rout it will be covered by the Childrens Act, and as such it matters not one jot what you or your ex wants, it is what tehCourt thinks is best for the child that is the rule to be followed.

    At this time it is deemed that it is in the childs intrest to have contact with both of its natural parents, and as such this is the line the Court will take, with few exceptions, such as achole abuse, drug abuse and of course the most important one child abuse, should these not be relevent then contact will in all prob be restored!

    Hope this helps, best of luck, it is a long and hard road, but believe me well worth it when the child gives you that hug and says "Daddy I love you". Say what you will no one is that hard that it fails to move them when that is said! Tissues at the ready then, well for me anyway!


    Thanks for your help. I might sound blonde but where do i go to file a Defined Court Order
  • Soubrette
    Soubrette Posts: 4,118 Forumite
    charlie... wrote: »
    tell me is a non compliant ex a person who isnt doing as pwc wants?

    this suggests a control issue

    A non compliant ex can be both a non paying NRP or an access withholding PWC. In the thread I quoted you from it meant the former.

    The issue for me here is that if the NRP chooses not to pay or to get out of paying or lies about how much their income is - all that is ok with you. They should accept no punishment such as withdrawal of access. You will in fact attempt to help them avoid their responsibilities.

    If a PWC chooses not to allow access or to get out of access or lies about when access is available - all that is not ok with you. They should be punished with something such as withdrawal of maintenance. You will in fact 'punish' them yourself with spiteful and nasty comments.

    Can you not see the utter hypocrisy of those two positions if held by the same person?

    Refusing to pay or withholding access can both be control issues. There are terrible PWCs out there and terrible NRPs. There are also fantastic PWCs who have to deal with terrible NRPs and vice versa (there are also those lucky people where both PWC and NRP have the best interests of the children at heart).

    People post on here in difficult situation, they are emotionally raw. In the post where I quoted you as being against the Aussie system not one person said it would be a good idea to withhold contact - but they all said it in a nicer way than you did. You have also been cruel on more than one other occasion for no reason other than it is a PWC with the question. You refuse to address the emotional issues of why you are unable to behave in an adult civil way and lash out to try and hurt other people in an attempt to vindicate the poor choices you have made in your own life.

    Take responsibility, help others if you wish to but cut the snide comments if you can (I won't be taking a sweepstake on the last one though:rolleyes: )

    Sou
  • Soubrette
    Soubrette Posts: 4,118 Forumite
    dmg24 wrote: »
    charlie...

    Can I suggest that you take a step back and look at the tone of your posts? We all like a good debate, but your posts are totally out of line. MSE is about help and support, not abusing respected members.

    What worries me is not whether or not she abuses respected members but her attitude to new members.

    If someone unfortunately posts a question and is answered by her or one of her sock puppets scorning their spelling (laughable I know) or making nasty insinuations about the PWC then they may be put off posting for help again.

    This of course may be part of her agenda in her quest to assure herself that she has not made mistakes and it is all the fault of the mean old PWC but new members do not have the benefit of seeing her previous posts and so do not know what she is.

    Sou
  • busiscoming2
    busiscoming2 Posts: 4,461 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts
    Every domestic situation is different, and obviously depends on lots of factors. OP you say that now your ex has new b/f your child isn't allowed contact, are you sure it is the mother that is saying no or the child? In my case (split in 94 when kids were 8 and 6) my kids had regular contact in the form of every other weekend, which worked for about 18 months but increasingly the children didn't want to go. I encouraged them and found out their reasons (which I tried to speak to ex about, but he didn't take them on board and believed it was me).Evetually they refused to go, he took me to court, I had to sign an order saying I would take them to a contact 'centre' every other sunday (or else I would be arrested!) Believe me my partner and I tried and even secretly videoed our efforts. They point blank refused to go. The court welfare officer eventually agreed to him to contact by letter and phone call (neither of which he did very well). It is still seen as all my doing by him and his family.

    What I am trying to say is are you doing things right when you have contact? Is the child happy with what you do when you are together? I would keep contact going via letters, cards and phone calls, even if you thinkthey aren't reaching her, keep sending them.
  • SuziQ
    SuziQ Posts: 3,042 Forumite
    I wish it was as simple as contact orders and penal notices as blob says. We did all of that-went on for over 2 years,cost us many thousands of pounds,cafcass involved-my husband even offered to have contact in a supervised contact centre but she wouldn't even turn up there-and all the court did was slap her wrist,tell her she was damaging the children long term and decide not to jail her as it wasn't in the interests of the children. Stupid thing was,it was her new boyfriend who didn't want the kids to see theie dad. She wanted to get rid of them and sent them off with the boyfriend every weekend.

    The courts are also so slow that the kids do get alienated-by distance/time apart from nrp but also by poisoning that goes on with some (not all ) pwc. Eventually the court decided in our case that whilst there was such animosity towards my husband from his ex and her eventual hisband it was too damaging for the kids to carry on and a non-contact order was issued.This involved regular photos and school reports. He no longer even gets those and she is currently moving house-again-and os refusing to tell him where to.

    What the mother doesn't realise is that the oldest is now in contact with my oldest via facebook-and that is the best we can hope for at present.

    Our membership of Families needs fathers was depressing as it was full of stories like ours-and worse!
    I think in some cases the australian idea (if this is true-I have no idea!) might work,but also in some states in america both child maintenance and allowing contact are enforceable by law: because people DO get imprisioned the threat is enough for most people.

    I do so hope that your story has a happier ending,for the childs sake as well as yours.
    Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it!
  • Soubrette
    Soubrette Posts: 4,118 Forumite
    To be honest busiscoming2 I feel that in general 11 and 9 is too young for the children themselves to decide if they want to see the NRP (unless child safety issues are involved) after all they don't get a choice in going to school.

    That said, my 15 year old wants no contact with her Dad and it's very hard to persuade her to make any kind of compromise (although I do nag on about it and get some results like the odd text to him) whereas the 13 year old still enjoys seeing her Dad. I tend to think about 14 is the age where I would start allowing a proper choice of whether or not to see Dad and even then I would be arguing that it is a good thing to maintain a relationship and explaining why I felt this way.

    Sou
  • POSSETTE
    POSSETTE Posts: 1,474 Forumite
    so am i right in reading the former comment about aussie csa...that if a parent doesnt see the child,they dont have to pay for child?
    that is cr4p...scenario..mum and dad make child, dad couldnt give a !!!!! about child..walks off not bothering if he doesnt see child,doesnt have to pay either..? result for him eh? someone must have it wrong there..
    TO FINISH LAST, FIRST YOU HAVE TO FINISH....
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