MONEY MORAL DILEMMA. Should Rod let little Jane go to Freddie’s unaffordable party?

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  • bexlincs1
    bexlincs1 Posts: 28 Forumite
    Suppose it depends if youre thinking about the child - or the money!
    Give him a good talking to about being so proud and get all the parents together to all contribute something. After all if it was me...it'd be nice if people helped...
    Not saying i wouldnt let my child go...but surely even though its their sons birthday, its a little selfish to let them pay for your child to go if you know full well they cannot afford it?!
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  • ailuro2
    ailuro2 Posts: 7,535 Forumite
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    I'd let the kids enjoy the party, but maybe if his business was/is in a trade of some sort you could keep him in mind next time you hear of someone needing a builder / tiler / gardener and pass his name on.
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  • elliep_2
    elliep_2 Posts: 711 Forumite
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    I'd send Jane along with a present of clothes shop vouchers or similar and enough money to pay for her cinema ticket. Then I'd tell Freddies dad that Jane has the money for her ticket.

    That way Freddies dad doesn't need to feel bad because he knows that Jane has the money and is expecting to give it to him but he doesn't have to take it from me. I know that might sound a bit odd but it might help the situation. And if Freddies Dad doesn't take the money I'll know he didn't need it that badly and that they still have the vouchers for something practical for Freddie.
  • jenniewb
    jenniewb Posts: 12,836 Forumite
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    MSE_Jenny wrote: »
    Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:
    Should Rod let little Jane go to Freddie’s unaffordable party?

    Rod’s eight-year-old daughter, Jane, has been invited to classmate Freddie’s restaurant and cinema birthday party. The whole class has been invited, and while Jane isn’t great friends with the birthday boy, she doesn’t want to miss out. However, you know that, since the invite’s went out, Freddie’s dad’s business has gone under, and they’ll struggle to pay. Freddie’s dad’s far too proud to accept cash. Would you let Jane got to Freddie's party?
    Click reply to have your say

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    Yes, Jane should go, for the following reasons

    1. Freddie may feel hurt or upset and it could result in rifts and iscolation, children are fickle and shallow at times and not going to a party could throw up all sorts of trouble.

    2. Whats to say other children don't follow suit and then feel as they have not been able to go to the party, that it was freddies choice, or don't quite understand why they are not invited and start off rumours. Or worse still, they think they understand but actually don't. Stories and chinese-whispers start....

    3. Freddies parents may feel hurt that other children don't want to go to thier sons party- if they arecash strapped, sometimes the joy of watching your children have a good time/being proud they have so many friends can be enough that you override the cash flow problem just to feel better.

    4. Its the parents choice, they are grown adults and have the right to make up thier own minds! if people are forever trying to protect them from thier own 'money-mistakes', how are they ever going to learn themselves?!
  • englishmac
    englishmac Posts: 137 Forumite
    All the talk of not disappointing the children/never breaking a promise/hurt and upset is all well and good but at some point they have to find out that life is a raw deal sometimes. Yes children are shallow and fickle; demonstrating to them that disappointment can be managed by dealing with it head on is good for them in the long term. Freddie's parents could engage him (and the other kids as well) in finding a cheaper, fun solution for his party if they need to cancel. It is surprising how much kids understand (provided they aren't too spoilt).

    Having said that, I would still allow Jane to go to the party. There is a general assumption that the parents can't afford the party because the business has gone bust. It is not always the case that a bankrupt business has the same effect on personal finances - a lot of business people have been known to rearrange their financial arrangements in anticipation of bankruptcy. It is for Freddie's parents to decide whether they can afford it. I would make sure that the gift Jane takes is of practical use to the parents though (eg the clothes vouchers a previous poster mentioned).
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  • bibi_neko
    bibi_neko Posts: 70 Forumite
    Although it is thoughtful of Rod to consider Freddie's dad's financial situation, i gather most people invited would not do the same, also Jane may not be good friends with Freddie himself but maybe her closer friends are. You could just give her a bit of food beforehand so she doesn't eat too much and make a huge food bill in the first place, but i'm assuming it could be a buffet since they're only 8 or the food bill would not be too steep.

    As it's Freddie's dad's finances it is up to him to decide whether the party should continue, he may take offense or Freddie may not understand that by not turning up you just don't want to be there rather than help with their financial situation.

    I would let Jane go and not only have a gift for Freddie but I would give a gift to the parents (curteousy for inviting Jane etc) but ofc the gift to the parents would be practical.
  • jayess_2
    jayess_2 Posts: 41 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Yes I'd let her go if the whole class was going but would have to sneak round after dark and put an envelope with money inside to help out with party (anonymously of course). Businesses do go down suddenly with no warning. If your customers suddenly go bust you may follow.
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