Living together - what should I know?

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Or do you end up doing it all for a quiet life?

Yep - if you want to feel like a doormat, be treated like a doormat, and be viewed as a doormat..................that's exactly what you do :rolleyes:
And if this happens inadvertantly, ask yourself whether you've moved in with a 9 year old boy rather than a grown up man, or if you have a mummy complex. :eek:

tanith

Some very good advice given here......... I agree that money is usually the most argued about thing....

Also agree that a percentage of your earnings each is the fairest way to go when it comes to joint bill paying acc.... then what you do with the rest is your own business.. the only problem is that if one partner saves and the other spends its hard to then not help out the spendthrift partner when it comes to unexpected bills that they have no savings to cover...... maybe have a little joint savings also would be good...... or pay extra into the bills acc to cover 'surprise' joint expenditure....

Good luck

lifecatalyst

I found the Lawpack Pocket Guide "Unmarried Couples and the Law" by Philippa Pearson isbn 1 904053 82 3 (£3.99) absolutely invaluable. It covers every aspect of living together - finance, children, splitting up, benefits & taxation, next of kin, hospital proxies, domestic violence, death, gay & lesbian rights etc. It has example documents for living together agreements and other parental agreements in the appendix. Well worth the money! A small book with all the essentials!

mdb99jh

Minky2Slice wrote:

...fighting over the duvet...

I've lived with my girlfriend for about 18 months now and we virtually never argue EXCEPT over this. She is a pathological duvet stealer and bed hogger.
:mad: :mad: :mad:

But finding this stuff out about each other is half the fun!

Woby_Tide

jennybegoode wrote:

What are the most common causes of disagreements?

I'd answer 'her', she'd answer 'him'.....;)

pavlovs_dog

living together has definately brought me and OH much closer together - you will learn fascinating things about each other, although i cant promise you will like all of them.

one thing i have found is that you make it clear to each other when you need "me" time - even if its just a nice long soak in the tub on your own, you do need time to yourself as living in each others pockets can soon turn from amazing to awful without it

naomi123

I have been living with my BF now for 3 years and cant imagine it any other way! Esp as now we have a baby on the way!
We always pay the same amount of money into a joint account and then this is used for all household bills and food. I wouldnt recommend using an existing account of your boyfriends (something a pp said) you wont have access to the account - it takes 2 mins to set up a new account so I would do it that way if I were you.

Arguments- generally we argue the most about money- occasionally I have hormonal rants etc and he whinges about little things but its just insignificant day to day stuff.

The only thing I would say is when you live apart you always put time aside to spend with your bf- when you live together you will find you dont spend as much "quality time" together.

I wouldnt swap it though!!

homersimpson_3

My BF and I are considering making a massive change and moving in together, but i've never lived with a partner before (flatmates, yes, for years) and i just wonder what it's really like!

it's totally different to living with family or flat mates and whilst rewarding you see people for what they really are - worts and all. suggest you give it a trial. even if you're spending all the time around each other's houses anyway it's still somewhat different. if you have your own house/place and you have a row/fed up you can walk away and go home.

Some of the questions buzzing round my head are

it's good that you asking these questions. many move in together thinking it'll be a bed of roses and the novelty/honeymoon period soon wears off. it can be wonderful but it takes alot of commitment, comprimise and sheer hard work.

How do you organise joint expenses?

depends on individual couple. some see it as their 'their' money (joint current account from which bills are payed; joint savings account; house in joint names etc) but this involves alot of trust. can have seperate accounts- gives independence- and say one for bills.

What should we discuss before deciding?

how do you view your income- is it my income or ours? agreement laying down who owns what; how things will be split if relationship doesn't work out. consider yourself - where you will go if you split e.g. back to parents, friends etc. too many people stay in relationships because they have no where to go & have no way out.

What are the most common causes of disagreements?

the list is endless and again depends on the couple-
money and people's attitude towards it//what brand of whatever to buy
share of household chores
tv (you want to watch eastenders; he wants to watch footie at the same time)
who holds the remote control or uses the computer
one of you is going out too much and the other feels neglected

What do you have to compromise on?

everything - that's part of being together. you have to be pulling together and to find the middle ground. don't let arguments fester.

Minky2Slice

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

Anything left over - isn't that the shoes money ?

Yes, make sure you get the above in writing beforehand LOL

Minky2Slice

mdb99jh wrote:

I've lived with my girlfriend for about 18 months now and we virtually never argue EXCEPT over this. She is a pathological duvet stealer and bed hogger.
:mad: :mad: :mad:

But finding this stuff out about each other is half the fun!

LOL, suppose this is why king-size beds and duvets were invented :rotfl: