Living together - what should I know?

jennybegoode

Dear All,

My BF:heart2: and I are considering making a massive change and moving in together, but i've never lived with a partner before (flatmates, yes, for years) and i just wonder what it's really like!

Some of the questions buzzing round my head are: How do you organise joint expenses? What should we discuss before deciding? What are the most common causes of disagreements? What do you have to compromise on?

Thank you in advance for any advice!

Lorian

jennybegoode wrote:

Some of the questions buzzing round my head are: How do you organise joint expenses? What should we discuss before deciding? What are the most common causes of disagreements? What do you have to compromise on?

A good idea is to work out how much your bills will be each month. Then open an account you both pay enough into to cover the bills. Obvisouly you need to agree who contributes how much, and that might depend on your incomes etc.

As for disagreements, LOTS OF THINGS. (socks, TV, laundry, dish washing, coming home drunk etc). But the pros still outweight the cons!

Good luck.

L.

Have a free "thanks" as I have butterfingers LOL.

shazzer22

Yeah, i would say the same, me and my BF have a basic account (only allows Direct Debits and a cash card, no overdraft or cheque book) so we just pay in an agreed amount, in our case £400 each, to cover everything.

Cause of disagreements ; what to have for dinner and who will cook it and who's turn it is to make the coffees!

fannyadams

go here:

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/go/livingtogether/index

and read all the articles.
If you have a house become tennants in common and when you have the mortgage DO NOT GO FOR JOINT AND SEVERAL LIABILITY - this means that the bank will come after both of you or one or other of you if there is a default on the loan (what makes you think i got stung with this before) bitter experiance.

My partner and I argue about MONEY more than anything else. But we are now at the point where we accept that I am the financially savvy one (thanks Dad!) and he does his best to scupper my plans:D

Enjoy it - it's a big leap from having your toothbrush in the bathroom and some clothes in the bedroom just in case you stay over, and pooling all your stuff. My friends say that when a woman moves into your house you will lose two thirds of your space to her stuff! although some blokes who've I shared houses with say i travel light for a 'burd'...

pinkbantam

Yeas, my BF and I are going to move in together too! And Im also wondering....I reackon we'll use one of his accounts to put money and in and take out cash to spend in the week so we only spend what we actually have instead of what we think we have... xxx

Spendless

jennybegoode wrote:

Dear All,

My BF:heart2: and I are considering making a massive change and moving in together, but i've never lived with a partner before (flatmates, yes, for years) and i just wonder what it's really like!

Some of the questions buzzing round my head are: How do you organise joint expenses? What should we discuss before deciding? What are the most common causes of disagreements? What do you have to compromise on?

Thank you in advance for any advice!

All couples are different re what works for them about finances. The couples I've known who rowed about money have been the ones that have had 'secret' money. I'm not talking seperate accounts but more along the lines of s/he gives me so much for bills.housekeeping and the rest is his/hers and the other party doesn't know what the remainder is or what it goes on. When it was discovered that in one case it was going on the mistress, in another at the bookies, my friends were not happy bunnies.

Our last arguement centered around fuel bills going up and Mr Spendless thinking I was being unreasonable by suggesting on a weekend he put something on warmer instead of sitting in shorts with the fire on full blast:rolleyes:

Minky2Slice

Most couples have disagreements about money, make sure you both agree before moving in together as to how much each of you is going to contribute and how you guys are going to handle the finances etc.

My b/f and I have been living together for 5 months now...we share everything 50%, even the amount of money we save every month, but after that my money is my own to do with what I want...

when you start living with someone, their little bad habits might start irratating you to bits... but think about it this way, we all have our lirratating little things we do...

arguments over who's doing the cooking, what to cook(b/f and I dont always like the same food), fighting over the duvet, compromising about your living space.
Dont think my b/f is so bad, we share everything, we take turns cooking, doing the dishes and washing and ironing...works fine for me

Basically it all comes down to compromise, much the same as when you live with flatmates, so shouldn't be a problem at all!

jennybegoode

Spendless wrote:

sitting in shorts with the fire on full blast:rolleyes:

Sounds exactly the sort of thing my bf would do! Either that or he'll turn out to be the complete opposite and never have the heating on at all!

Dora_the_Explorer_5

What do you have to compromise on?

In my experience - just about everything, but look on it as negotiating the best outcome for both of your rather than compromising.

Set up a separate joint account for all the bills and contribute to it an agreed same percentage for each of you, ensuring the total will cover the bills. Doing it this way means if you are on different salaries you'll each be contributing equally.
You could set up another joint account for things like Christmas, holiday, savings as you'll be involved in this kind of thing as a couple.
Anything left over - isn't that the shoes money ?

Counting_Pennies_2

When my now husband and I moved in with one another, and took on a joint mortgage, we drew up a living together agreement, and also made our wills at the same time.

The living together agreement covered what furniture we would purchase (and that we would make the purchases individually) what would happen if we split, how long we would leave it before selling the property. We also put in any decisions in case we had children out of wedlock.

I have to say that we are now married and have a lovely son, but the living together agreement gave us both reassurance during our time together that we had made the agreement whilst rational and even thinking, and that if anything should be heated in the future this would hopefully keep everything civil and straight forward. Thankfully didn't need the agreement to be enforced, but lovely to have had it.

muddled_midget

I'm about to move into my bf's house when I finish uni, and I was wondering exactly the same things, it's fascinating reading on here how everyone else works things out, especially the money. I expect we'll argue about exactly the same things we do now, whose turn it is to clean the bathroom, why the house should be hoovered at least once a week as we have a dog and why I shouldn't advance the heating when I get a bit chilly whilst revising! (to be fair, I am normally wearing 2 jumpers and gloves before I do this!)
Do any of you have a 'cleaning rota' type thing to make sure OH does their share? Or does it all just work out? Or do you end up doing it all for a quiet life? I've lived in shared houses for the last 4 years, and these things have always just worked themselves out, but I think that may be more to do with the fact that if there are 5 of you sharing, your turn to clean the bathroom comes round less frequently!