Why am I addicted to shopping and how can I stop?

Horace

Post your SOA on here - https://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html - copy and paste it (there are instructions on there to format for MSE).

£40 on trainers for a 2 year old is silly especially as he will have grown out of them in a short amount of time.

Going for a walk is cheaper than going to the gym, also if you have a bicycle - cycling is also good as is swimming - far better to do these outdoors in the fresh air than being stuck in an airconditioned smelly gym.

Why not see if you can join the Womens Institute - it will help you meet people and they are not populated with ancient jam making women.

Life doesnt stop when you are 40 - I am now 47 and still do mad things, I hope to still be doing mad things when I am 90:D

sumsup

Hi Emma I have been reading your thread, like everyone else I am amazed that you are not in more of a mess after what you have been through. I would also suggest that walking or cycling in the woods/beach is preferable to the gym - and cheaper! Making time just for yourself is even more important when you are a carer. The spending diary really does help focus on the things you don't relaly need to buy, and you could also try the "payment a day" challenge - paying just a few pounds every day off your debts, out of the spening money you haven't spent. It's difficult to give specific advice without seeing your SOA, but could you transfer balances to a zero % card to reduce your interest payments?

Fire_Fox

Another vote for getting regular exercise - I am a fitness instructor for the simple reason that physical activity helped me recover from mental health problems (stress, insomnia, depression) bad enough for me to be unable to work for two years. I would suggest you find some form of group activity: aerobics or weights classes, a walking or running group. You will get the endorphins AND the distraction of just getting away from the stresses and strains of daily life for an hour. :j

Jenna

Hey Emma,

It's good that you and hubbie see each other more often in the CI and that he's closer to home

I do understand what you mean about it being a living bereavement and I think that you should definitely go with your intuition over what type of counselling you need. No one can judge that better than you. I see a psych once a week about what happened to me (I've been seeing her for about 1 year now) and, though I don't notice much change from week to week, overall I do feel better in myself. The main thing to remember is that the first person you see isn't necessarily the best or only person for you - if you don't feel 100% comfortable, try someone else. I saw about 5-6 people before finding this one so don't feel like you're being fussy - it's like dating, you have to find the one that's right for you!

I'm sorry to hear things with hubbie are difficult right now - my OH's parents are a bit like that actually with his Mum staying home and looking after the 'home stuff' (though she was also a childminder for a few years I think). Anyway I only mention this because he does his fair share of the work around the house (in fact right now almost all of it because I'm not well). When we first met he didn't know how to cook or even put a load of washing on! Now he can cook better than me ! So all I am saying is that yes his upbringing will certainly have an impact on what he expects to be doing, but he needs to understand that you need his support too, and that maybe he can just do one or two things to help out and ease the pressure on you?

Also is he very 'present' at home or is he kind of 'hiding out' at work by burying himself in projects etc? Men do cope very differently to women with emotional stuff so if he is very distant it might be that he is struggling too.

Both the gym and sewing class sound fine, though not cheap! What about putting up some adverts at the new school on the notice board for a sewing class / reading group / something else? That might also help you meet mums at the new school and maybe that will help you feel more 'at home' when dropping your son off at school etc.

Depression can be helped by exercise certainly. Try going for a walk or run every day - even if it's literally just 5 mins stroll around the block to start with, you can always build up, and something is better than nothing. Even just sitting outside and reading a book or something is good - at least you'll get some fresh air.

It depends hun because there are two types of depression as I would personally classify them (e.g. this probably isn't what your doc would tell you, but this is just the way I personally think of it!). There is of course 'clinical depression' which is basically a hormone imbalance in the brain making people feel depressed - this type responds great (usually) to medication because this balances out the hormones again. People can get clinically depressed even when they have no problems in their life because it's to do with the hormones.

I would also say that there's another kind of depression which is more emotionally based than chemical based - this is usually where someone does have significant problems/issues in their life, or something terrible has happened, etc etc. Meds can help this kind of depression too but unless you are also dealing with the underlying issues they probably won't do all that much for you. Certainly my doc tried me on a mild anti-dep (also to help me sleep better) and it didn't do much except make me feel numb all the time and like the 'walking dead' - never really asleep, never really awake. Although seeing a psych is really bad sometimes (because you have to talk about stuff - and sometimes it just brings everything back) overall it has helped, so I would recommend this over the meds any day.

Past it at 40?! Nonsense ! My mate is 44 and his last holiday included rock climbing, diving and pot holing!

As re the mortgage - I am perhaps not the best person to advise here since I don't have one (we rent). There would be 2 schools of thought on this I think:

1) Yes, go interest only. Use all the extra money to pay off your debts and thereby reduce the amount of interest you are paying on them. Budget as tightly as possible and squeeze as much cash as you can out of it and pay that to the debts too. At the end of the year the debts would cost much less in interest and feel more 'under control'.

2) No, keep your mortgage as capital and interest payments. In the credit crunch you need to keep the option to go interest only as a last ditch back up option. In the meantime it's important to keep repaying the capital too as you need to keep your loan to value ratio as good as possible as most of the good deals these days require you to have 20-40% of your property's value in capital. Play the long term game here, think of what will happen when you need to remortgage, just get as many of the debts onto 0% or low life of balance rates as you can and then use the Snowball calc. to work through them one by one.

So I am sure that was very UN helpful :rolleyes: sorry but just wanted to outline the options for you as I see them. I am sure someone wiser than me will be along to advise better presently!

Keep posting xx

Fire_Fox

Jenna wrote: »

It depends hun because there are two types of depression as I would personally classify them (e.g. this probably isn't what your doc would tell you, but this is just the way I personally think of it!). There is of course 'clinical depression' which is basically a hormone imbalance in the brain making people feel depressed - this type responds great (usually) to medication because this balances out the hormones again. People can get clinically depressed even when they have no problems in their life because it's to do with the hormones.

I would also say that there's another kind of depression which is more emotionally based than chemical based - this is usually where someone does have significant problems/issues in their life, or something terrible has happened, etc etc. Meds can help this kind of depression too but unless you are also dealing with the underlying issues they probably won't do all that much for you. Certainly my doc tried me on a mild anti-dep (also to help me sleep better) and it didn't do much except make me feel numb all the time and like the 'walking dead' - never really asleep, never really awake. Although seeing a psych is really bad sometimes (because you have to talk about stuff - and sometimes it just brings everything back) overall it has helped, so I would recommend this over the meds any day.

All depression is rooted in changes in brain chemistry, because mood/ energy levels/ sleep etc. is controlled by a delicate balance of hormones. Very few individuals suffer with depression without an identifiable external cause - be that difficult personal circumstances, other illnesses or medication, seasonal, post-pregnancy, etc. Depression is a very 'seductive' thing, it feeds off our problems and stresses and encourages us to see the negative in every situation: that is the same for virtually all sufferers, tho we often don't see it at the time.

For mild to moderate depression, anti-depressants are no more effective than talking therapies and lifestyle modification. I firmly believe this is because the human body has evolved to eat wholesome foods, to exercise regularly :j and to live in close social groups. For more severe, prolonged or recurrent episodes anti-depressants are often of great use. Not because they solve anything - they just make one a little more able to cope with daily life, more able to get the best out of any counselling or lifestyle changes. Anti-depressants are a treatment option not a cure.

It's all about finding the right treatment - or combination of treatments - for the individual. With anti-depressants most people need to try more than one medication or more than one dose before settling. They do not all make you feel numb, this is a side effect that some people experience with some brands. It's exactly the same for other treatments tho, you may well need to try more than one type of exercise or more than one type of counselling to find the best fit for you.

Jenna

Fire Fox - thankyou for explaining that far better than me!

Emmaizzy

Thanks again everyone.

I've had yet another chat with hubbie over finances and again he agrees with everything I say but whether or not he will actually do it is another thing!

I also brought in a different reward scheme for the kids so they can earn money for treats - hubbie just gets them whatever they ask for if they are out with him. Makes him a soft target and me the bad guy!

Am feeling a little bit more positive today although also guilty as spent a lot of money over the weekend on gardening bits as we are now growing our own veg, herbs and some fruit. Spent £120 but hoping this will be recouped by the huge veg and fruit bill we have about £30 - £40 a week!!!!:eek: Also hope we can sell the excess - we still have honesty boxes in Jersey! Also the price of veg here is terrible and unless you go to M&S it goes off in hours (I'm not kidding).

I also bought stuff in the Next Sale - mainly for hubbie as was feed up with him walking about looking like an out of work teenager.

Great idea about the sewing club via school - I did think about how I could start one so I could get lessons without the huge expense but couldn't think how to get that together. I could ask the Head to put it in the newsletter but wonder how it would work as we would all need to have sewing machines.

I guess the WI might also be a good thing to join but the ones in our area seem a bit older and their last campaign was about getting the number of road signs reduced!

Am also going to keep the spending diary on Ace Money so I can see how much money me and hubbie are spending on non essentials - I'm pretty sure I will find it shocking - although I am also going to set myself the challenge of spending no money on anything that is not essential either and if I achieve it treat myself to a nice bottle of wine on Friday - which trust me will be essential! :rotfl:

Your right as well this site is addictive! And great motivation to get your act together.

Emma

Emmaizzy

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 1300
Partners monthly income after tax....... 2000
Benefits................................ 0
Other income............................ 1100
Total monthly income.................... 4400

Monthly Expense Details
Rent................................ 746
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 350
Council tax............................. none in jersey
Electricity............................. 100
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 70
Water rates............................. 30
Telephone & Internet (land line)................... 70
Mobile phone............................ 50
TV Licence.............................. 5
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 55
Internet Services....................... 0
Groceries etc. ......................... 600
Clothing................................ 100
Petrol/diesel........................... 50
Road tax................................ don't have in jersey - included in petrol
Car Insurance........................... 24
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 12 (no MOT's £240 fixed service)
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 150
Other child related expenses............ 20
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 30
Contents insurance...................... 10
Life assurance ......................... 25
Other insurance......................... 28
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20
Haircuts................................ 20
Entertainment........................... 15
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 2580


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Mortgage...................... 127000...(746)......5
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 4000.....(350)......6
Total secured & HP debts...... 131000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Card One.......................10000.....250.......5.9
Card Two.......................8000......750.......16.9
Card Three.....................10000.....250.......16.9
Tesco..........................4000......350.......6
First Direct Loan..............6000......150.......10.9
Total unsecured debts..........38000.....1750......-


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 4,400
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,580
Available for debt repayments........... 1,820
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,750
Amount left after debt repayments....... 70[/b


Now see why we have no money every month!

Jenna

Hiya,

Right - apologies in advance for the decimation of your budget... ! :rolleyes: It's meant in a good / helpful way, honest!

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 2
Number of cars owned.................... 1You say hubbie works very close to home, could you consider selling the car and he could use public transport/walk/cycle esp. now it's getting warmer?
Monthly Expense Details
Rent................................ 746
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 350
Council tax............................. none in jersey
Electricity............................. 100 This is high, is it on DD or taken off actual meter readings (meter readings are the best way to go IMO)? Read the article on the main site and check you're getting the best deal. Turn everything off at the switch when you're not using it and get kids and hubbie involved.
Gas..................................... 0
Oil..................................... 70 As per electricity
Water rates............................. 30
Telephone & Internet (land line)................... 70 This is also very high, have you looked at deals from Sky/Virgin for an all-inclusive package with landline, TV and internet included?
Mobile phone............................ 50 Could you consider reducing your package or even (horror of horrors!) getting rid of this? I got a brand new phone at Christmas and even with 600 mins, 200 texts and unlimited data it costs me £35 / month
TV Licence.............................. 5 This seems low and should be about £10-£11 / month? Make sure you're not under paying by accident or you could get fined
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 55 See comment on landline phone
Internet Services....................... 0 See comment on landline phone
Groceries etc. ......................... 600 You can make some SERIOUS savings here. Check out the Old Style board, consider using Freecycle (do you have this in Jersey?) to obtain a bread maker and/or slow cooker
Clothing................................ 100 Is this accurate? Take a guesstimate of your annual spend and divide by 12. If this is accurate e.g. you're spending this EVERY month then it's extremely high. Try eBay, always buy in the sales, etc
Petrol/diesel........................... 50
Road tax................................ don't have in jersey - included in petrol
Car Insurance........................... 24 When this comes up for renewal make sure you go through Quidco or similar to get some cashback if possible. Also read the article on the main site for lots of premium-lowering tips
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 12 (no MOT's £240 fixed service) Does this mean you don't have to MOT your car in Jersey? I'm confused easily
Car parking............................. 0
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 150 What is this?
Other child related expenses............ 20 What is this?
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0 Do you need to add anything into your budget here? Or do you do everything on the NHS? It's better to budget even a tenner a month and then at least you have something when the bills come in!
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
Buildings insurance..................... 30 See comments on car ins
Contents insurance...................... 10 See comments on car ins
Life assurance ......................... 25 See comments on car ins & bear in mind if this is the policy your mortgage provider offers there's almost certainly a better deal out there
Other insurance......................... 28 What is this?
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 20 Is this an accurate figure? You can look into ways to boost your income if you like. For example Pigsback, Toluna, Mystery Shopping etc. And read the "Boost Your Income" article on the main site (I think there's a board dedicated to this too)
Haircuts................................ 20 Could you consider going to a local student/training college? These are often much cheaper
Entertainment........................... 15 What does this include, maybe there are ways to do the same thing cheaper?
Holiday................................. 0 Appreciably you may not be planning on going away whilst in debt? But if you are intending to go at some point then it's better to save monthly and take a budget holiday than have a last minute panic or resort to CCs etc. You could use some of what you save on the food budget maybe?
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 2580


Secured & HP Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Mortgage...................... 127000...(746)......5
Hire Purchase (HP) debt ...... 4000.....(350)......6What is this for?
Total secured & HP debts...... 131000....-.........-

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Card One.......................10000.....250.......5.9
Card Two.......................8000......750.......16.9
Card Three.....................10000.....250.......16.9
Tesco..........................4000......350...... .6
First Direct Loan..............6000......150.......10.9
Total unsecured debts..........38000.....1750......-

Are the APRs all standard rates, or are some of them special offers / low life of balance rates? How is your credit rating, can you consider applying for a new 0% BT offer (see Best Balance Transfers article)? Even if you can only move £1k to the new card it's still cheaper than not!

Hope some of that helps

poorandindenial

Hi again Emma, I think I posted on your thread early on, it is great to see that you are still around

I second everything that Jenna has identified for saving money. You currently have a surplus at the end of the month (according to your SOA, if you don't have it you really need to start that spending diary)

As you already have a surplus and there are at least £350 of savings on your SOA without having to make too much effort you could really get somewhere with this. As you have identified you just need to nail the overspending.

Where your food is concerned, do you find yourself throwing stuff away? A good way to cut the cost can be to bulk buy things like tins of tomatoes, dried goods etc etc and then to use them in cooking huge quantities of food that you can freze some portions of.

Just a thought but as you say food is super pricy on Jersey, could you perhaps come to the south coast of England on the ferry in your car once every couple of months and then stock up on the non-perishable basics if they are much cheaper or if it gives you more options for cheaper shops than you have available to you. I don't know how much the ferry is and it may well negate everything but I thought I would suggest it just in case.