Why am I addicted to shopping and how can I stop?

Emmaizzy

Re the disability etc - I live offshore and the rules about disability payments are very different. I currently get everything I am entitled to. Luckily for me (ironically) my son was awarded a carers allowance, attendance allowance and mobility allowance as we had an income of less than £45k. In June 08 they changed the rules and now you only get the benefits if you have an income of less than £24k, however, for all of us who were in receipt of the benefits prior to the rule change we will still receive the monies until October 09 - then I will only get the carers allowance - about £700 a month.

Prior the incident with my son we had about £6k in debt which was built up because (a) I had a baby in the April and was on maternity leave for 4 months without pay (no maternity leave in the Channel Islands) - so made up my salary using CC, also first xmas with our new baby (which we tried 6 years to have and had 6 miscarriages along the way) we went mental with gifts and travelled back to the UK. We must have spent about £2k on travel, gifts and going out in the UK.

I always spent a lot of money before but managed to clear it before it got out of hand.

Following my son's operation he was in hospital in the UK for 6 months. My hub had to go back to work and we had a 8 month old toddler so we had to go back to the CI where we have no family and employ a nanny to look after her so I could visit my son in hospital. (Son was in hospital up north and all family live in the South so it was not possible to drop my baby off there) I also had to fly back and forth constantly between the UK and CI. Plus accommodation, plus car hire, etc - you get the picture it was an expensive time. I also was unable to claim any benefits in this time because Izzy was not in my care. My boss sacked me 3 weeks after the incident - rubbish employment law here too!

Finally my son came home and that's when I think I lost it and started spending money we just didn't have. The family member sympathized and agreed to help us out.

I really thought I wouldn't spend any more money but pretty much the first thing I did was book a very expensive holiday I felt we deserved it.

Then to be honest I don't know what happened. I think I got really down.

I have been to the doctors countless times (at £30 a go - no free health care here) and although he is lovely and wants to help everything he has prescribed for depression hasn't worked despite my sticking at it.

Friends are difficult they kinda of disappeared when this happened to my son I think they just don't know how to deal with it. My son has had to change schools due to his difficulties so I don't know any of the mums at the new school and I just don't feel like making small talk - I don't know how to approach other mums.

I'm also pretty busy with my toddler and on my 2 mornings off when she is at nursery I am so relived at having no one to care for I just want to sit down and watch Desperate Housewives with a cup of tea with no-one asking me for something!

I did consider volunteering but I really don't want to do anything that involves caring for something or someone as my life is already consumed by this 24/7. Sorry if this sounds selfish. I also did volunteer work last year and the hours were stupid I got really stressed trying to fit it all in.

This post sounds so sorry myself - that's not my intention but I think it's difficult to see the wood for trees.

Emma

Emmaizzy

Son was in hospital having an op - during the op he was given a drug to lower his blood pressure but they overdosed him resulting in very severe brain damage.

We are pursing a legal case on behalf of our son and we will hopefully receive an interim payment but who know when and it is unlikely to reimburse all our costs? I have chased the solicitor but we are still waiting.

fairydiamond

To be honest you should be getting a MASSIVE payout for that, and I mean MASSIVE. Enough to clear all your debt, surely?

Toni_Broke

Hi Emma

I too have a disabled child and i completely understand where you are coming from. My child was disabled from birth due to congenital abnomalities so a bit different but it is hard caring 24/7 and just a small thing like being able to eat a meal without feeding my child at the same time is an absolute luxury.

I really hope you can at least get to grips with your debts as it is something you can control and hopefully the shopping addiction will become less compelling once you can get one area of your life back in control.

keep posting there is great support on these forums and i wish you all the luck with your journey.

Tonixx

Emmaizzy

Hi Fairy

Any payments received will be to safeguard my son's future. We cannot claim anything for ourselves (as it should be) as the injury did not happen to us.

We can claim out of pocket expenses but that is all. As I am no longer able to work as I have to look after him I will have to bill my son for my care services but as the case will not settle for 7 years that's a long way off.

The monies that are awarded to my son are put into trust and we are not able to touch these. This is to protect persons in my son's position so that parents or others do not spend the money awarded on themselves. If we need something for my son when the case settles in the future then we have to apply to the trustees and if they feel it is my son's interest then they release the funds.

Of course the monies are also to make sure that my son is looked after once we are no longer around as he will never be able to live independently and it is not fair to expect his sister to care for him full time.

Hope this explains things better.

fairydiamond

Oh right I see.

theoretica

Ideas for not shopping:
Don't buy when you see something, come back a week or two later if you still want it. You could discuss the purchase with your husband too. Then research if you can get it cheaper anywhere else.
Have a hard quest or aim and buy nothing else - the absolutely perfect Christmas present for your husband might take weeks of looking online and off - I have been looking for a perfect knee length, full, pleated, dark green skirt for months now! If you see one don't tell me, it is basically an excuse for window shopping.
When I get the urge to buy I pick up various small cheap things which will keep until used- socks, shampoo, sesame seeds...

Emmaizzy

that's great advice Theoretica - it's always the way when you really need to find something you just can't!

Deep_In_Debt

I actually went through a stage of just drawing enough cash for me to live on for a week for food, petrol, etc. I see my mum once a week on a Sunday and what I would do, was to draw the cash out from the cash point on the Sunday and then give my card to my mum so I couldn't touch my card for a week until I saw mum again (who lives 30 mins drive away from me) and I got into that routine. If I needed the card for emergencies, I'd drive over and get it but it was hassle to be honest, but I learnt to live without my card. I still do it now from time to time if I feel I getting the urge to spend again.

It might sound childish (I'm in my 40's) but it did help as I've learnt to live within my budget and rarely take my card out with me when I go shopping, I just take cash. When it's gone, it's gone! Also, I work out a budget and if I spend all the budget in one day, then I have nothing for the rest of the week, it's a hard lesson to learn, but it works especially when you have no money for food for 4 days.

becky_rtw

Something I saw done on that spendaholics is a photo wardrobe - a little book with pics of all the stuff you already have in it - take it everywhere and when you want to buy something flick through and see if you already have it - if not then great purchase but you will usually do...in fact you wouldnt even need to take photos - you could just write up everything into categories...