9 Year Old Son Stealing - Dont Know What To Do?

ailuro2

Most kids nick a sweetie from somewhere at some time in their young lives and get caught, but your sounds a bit more intent than that.

This is just my point of view from growing up with a sister who was exactly the same....she never admitted anything either. Mostly tried to blame it on me.:rolleyes:

My sister was the same as your son - she went on to steal sweets/toys/biscuits/crisps from shops, money from family members, anything she could get her hands on from school( I mean, who needs Universal Indicator!:rotfl: ), money from her Saturday job, thermometers etc. from nursing college, and who knows where else? While it was a cry for attention, I simply don't know what would have sorted her out. There certainly wasn't much TLC going round in our house when we were young.

Fast forward a lot of years....Her son got to about 8 or 9, was caught stealing yet again, but when I reminded her she used to be the same she denied it, and refused to do anything about it, then stopped speaking to me.

Sadly, a policeman I know asked if I knew them (because of the family resemblance), and very sadly it turns out my nephew is very well known to them. I don't know if anyone could have done anything about it when he was younger, but I'd loved to have seen them try...

Sit your son down when he seems communicative, and ask him why he feels the need to pinch things. Seek help from wherever you can get it, it sounds like he's getting plenty of attention from you guys, but maybe he needs a bit more help realising he does have a great Mum and Dad? The school or your GP might be able to put you in touch with people who can help out.

Best of Luck, not an easy thing to do.

Oldernotwiser

Stealing a large sum of money is quite different from helping himself to sweets! When ours stole money from the plumber we made him give it back and apologise and then took him to the police station where he was spoken to very sternly. It gave him a heck of a shock!

Paparika

Remember last year when my son took about 100 pounds from my 2.00 jar, i made him pay it all back to me in the form of jobs, he still owes me 9.00, and needs to raise 200 for a new pc, i still remind him about the 9.00.

When i told my friend about him, she told me her eldest son was caught stealing money from them, turned out he was paying for someones dinner money at school because he didn't have money, they clamped down on this, the boys are no longer friends but the stealing has stopped.

My DS is 14 now, his rubbish bin is forever overloaded with sweet wrappers, and Dr Pepper bottles hidden in nooks and crannies in his room. he gets 3.00 per day for school dinner and the bus, he no longer takes the bus because he can get to school quicker, even if its up hill (fine with me that's the exercise bit each day covered) he now has a bank account and manages to put money in each week, i swear he isn't getting any dinner but he says he is, kids what are they like.

lolababy

Hi Iv two children and both of mine have taken things . Once my son stole from another childs money box. I marched him to the childs house and made him apologise and give the money back.
My child was being bullied at school and thought that by buying sweets he would make friends. Maybe your son is trying to make people like him.
Most children like to make mess with all your best toiletries .I was fourteen and my cousin and I put all his mums expensive lotions and potions in the sink. We put toilet tissue in the mix and pelted his next door garden with it.
When he next steals take him down to the police station. It maybe the jolt he needs to stop stealing.

stressedoutmum

Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I'm really pleased to see I'm not alone. Have spoken with the school the local community police officer and have arranged for the police to come to his class, call him out and speak with him and I hope this is the short sharp shock he needs. I have asked him why he took the money and he says he doesnt know. Have asked if his friends asked him to do, if he's bullied and what he was going to do with it and all I ever get is I don't know. I feel awful this morning knowing the community police are going to call for him in his class - I feel like a really tough mum and want to phone them up and say cancel it but hopefully it will stop and make him think in the future. I can manage with the sweets and toiletries etc but stealing and the amount of money is something else.

Savvy Sue - He is the young of two - one 12 he is 9.

Purple_Sparkles

My son went through a phase of bringing little things home from school that he said he'd been given, he'd once pinched something out of a shop and I discovered it once we were outside the shop, I immediately marched him back to the shop and made him give it back. He was mortified but it stopped there and then and he's not brought anything else home since.

He does quite often give me little stones, leaves, feathers etc that he'll pick up in the park or something and messes about making potions and being silly in the bathroom but I think it's just a phase.

| make sure I get him up early in a morning so that I'm not having to shout at him to get ready. This morning he surprised me as he got washed and dressed in less than 10 mins!

I do limit the amount of sweets and fizzy drinks he has though and him behaviour improves no end. I do a lot of home baking so that he can still have treats but I know what he's eating.

I hope that you manage to sort it, but as far as stealing goes I'd make him give the item back to whoever he took it from and stop buying sweets, crisps etc.... at least then he can't sneak them into his room and you may see his behaviour improve too.

Good luck.

u01jet4

wow, you seem like a good, caring, strong mum to me stressedoutmum! sounds like he is definitely in for a bit of a different day at school today!

I'm not a mum yet but when I was younger I remember I used to have all the different glitter gel pens, smelly gel pens, neon gel pens etc and somebody used to steal them all the time. Ok of course now I realise it was only a pen, but some of them I had got from France or relatives or saved up pocket money for so it was horrible at the time having somebody steal them.

Although it's probably unlikely you're kid is going to be spinning diamond heists when he's older, I applaud you for trying to nip his developing hobby in the bud!:T

Let us know how he gets on if you feel like it : )

pukkamum

I was a right little tea leaf when i was little.:o
I saw anything as fair game, in particular anything my elder sister had left out (she always seemed to have more money and better 'stuff' than me).
It came to a head when i stole fifty pence form my mum's purse and took my friend from next door to the shop where we bought all the expensive sweets we could never normally have (the big fat ice pops!), and my friend mentioned it in front of my mum:rolleyes:
I got in such big trouble that i never did it again and i was hideously embarrassed to be told off in front of my friend, so i think the police man at school thing will be a very good idea as he will feel ashamed that his friends know.;)

Savvy_Sue

stressedoutmum wrote: »

I have asked him why he took the money and he says he doesnt know.

It is possible that he doesn't know. I think involving the school is good, and if difficulties continue with this or anything else, it really might be worth pushing for Ed Psych assessment - and you may REALLY have to push if the school finds him well-behaved, BUT it is clear that some of his actions are spilling over into school.

I'm not attempting to make excuses or suggesting that there is an underlying problem, but there are some conditions where a child lacks the empathy or understanding which seems to come more easily to others. As an example, DS1 used to regularly trash his little brothers' Lego models, and I regularly used to ask him why, and how he would feel if they trashed his models. His answer was always "I don't know" - if I got an answer at all. I resorted to telling him how upset and angry he would be. A few years later we discovered he has Asperger Syndrome and does lack that part of the 'wiring' in his brain.

This sounds quite different, and yet similar in some ways, if that makes sense. Children's brains are complex places!

EverDecreasingCircles

Sorry if someone has already said this, I don't have time to read all the replies.

Have you thought about phoning the school nurse? You can get the number from his school. She should be able to advise you.

I heard somewhere that all behaviour is a form of communication - it didn't say how the heck we're supposed to work out what they're trying to tell us

Good luck

Jen x