The 'cant afford a baby' generation?

galvanizersbaby

dora37 wrote: »

Exactly! The things we have (the animals), being a governor, attending assemblies/helping at school, cooking from scratch are all because of our children - a choice both me & OH made - however time is required to fulfill all these commitments

Whether people choose to work or not when they have children is their own individual choice, I only felt I should comment when you said:

"Why would any woman want to spend her day doing nothing after the housework has been done?"

And wanted to assure you that being at home doesn't necessarily mean there is nothing to do and that being at SAHM certainly doesn't equate to watching daytime TV.

I would think (hope) that Totallybroke meant that it would not be her choice to stay at home with school age children not that being a sahm equates to watching daytime tv all day!:D
There are a lot of women that are fulfilled by housework and other running the house chores and if they are happy and can afford not to work then I think this is great.
If a woman doesn't feel fulfilled by this and wants/needs to work then I think this is great also.
Personally I fall in to the 2nd catergory but quite a few of my friends are sahm's and they are happy and content

To the ladies that don't yet have children and are equating a day off work with being a sahm - can't really see the likeness?

Lunar_Eclipse

TotallyBroke wrote: »

I think that because I can't personally understand how someone would not want to.

Why would any woman want to spend her day doing nothing after the housework has been done? I have a day off work and by 9am I'm bored shitless.

Well you are incredibly lucky that works stimulates you more than other things in your life, given that most people have no choice but to go to work. Personally, there are many things I would rather do than go to work, so I would never be bored by 9am (when my youngest hasn't even started school btw).

I am currently a SAHM. And an incredibly busy one at that. I do some form of sport every day so am much fitter, healthier and happier generally than a year ago when I was working. I cook most of our meals, bread and snacks from scratch and help out weekly in both my kids schools. I have also completely unexpectedly saved more money than I ever earnt by spending more time on financially related matters. But I hate housework so would rarely start my day with that!

There are 101 things I would rather do any day of the week than go to work. I am very lucky that I have the choice; I am well aware of that fact. But if I didn't, I would also be well aware of what I was missing (as I have always felt when working), as opposed to not understanding how people at home fill their time. Essentially in the same way that you do at the weekend. Are you bored by 9am then?

Oh and I only watch 2 hours of prime time TV a week, LOST & 24 with DH. I never turn it on during the day.

bobblebot

My story is a little different to many of you. I got married and pregnant at 22 in 5 years i had 4 kids, we both worked in crap paid jobs, bought our first terrace house and had no car till eldest was five. I gave up work and studied, we lived on 7K PA and survived there were bad times but we managed and had fun. I ended up working FT earning 37K, husband, 27K and me self employed earning 15K too. There was little time and I much preferred life when we had a little.
Anyway 15 years later we divorced. Then I met someone else and after meeting someone else had a son, things went bad and I'm alone now with 5 kids. I lost my job and am now looking for a FT job in my field that has to earn at least £32K....to make ends meet. Instead I am now setting up my own business and earning are around 6K but will grow and I get to work around my kids. Working tax credit pays my childcare, my rent for 5 bed house is £900 housing benefit pays a big chunk of that and i get tax credits, child benefit, free school passes for kids, free nhs, etc.
If I took a FT job earning £35K in the field I am qualified in I would be worse off by £200-300 per month, but I would take it for the potential progress. I had 2 interviews last week, went great but in the end went to people already working there!!!
It is a sad state of affairs that when peoplestrive to achieve the system does not help them, I am lucky that I get help so can enjoy my baby and children whilst setting up a business, but i know if i go back to earning £35K + I will again struggle with childcare costs.

basketcase

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

I would think (hope) that Totallybroke meant that it would not be her choice to stay at home with school age children not that being a sahm equates to watching daytime tv all day!:D
There are a lot of women that are fulfilled by housework and other running the house chores and if they are happy and can afford not to work then I think this is great.
If a woman doesn't feel fulfilled by this and wants/needs to work then I think this is great also.
Personally I fall in to the 2nd catergory but quite a few of my friends are sahm's and they are happy and content

To the ladies that don't yet have children and are equating a day off work with being a sahm - can't really see the likeness?

Why does it have to be either fulfilled by work or "fulfilled by housework"? :eek:

There are other things out there, you know! I'd love to have been a SAHM, but had to support my kids. However, when I was unemployed for a while, I didn't think "Oh boy! More time to spend on housework! Woo hoo!!" :rotfl:

There's all sorts of charities etc begging for volunteeers. Then there's reading, writing, creative pursuits, museums, art galleries, local history, further education. I could go on... But I won't They all demand time and energy I don't have after a long day's work, possibly with overtime then on to domestic chores.

cleomolly

only read the first thread, so don't know what going on above, but i wanted to add my reasons for saying 'i want a baby but can't afford one'we are a young couple, I'm 23, have been together for 8 years and would love to start a family but we simply cant afford it. after paying our bills we don't have enough money left for socialising anyway so it's not like we spend all our money on going to the pub ect. we dont go on holiday, or if we do its a cmaping trip every year. and i do have a bitter feeling towards people that are at home all day, and not bringng in an income! and have children, it might not be the right attitude ot have but it upsets me that i cant afford a child but if i were to live in a council property and in receipt of benefits i could lead the same life now but have children and not have to work!shoot me down if you like!?!

galvanizersbaby

basketcase wrote: »

Why does it have to be either fulfilled by work or "fulfilled by housework"? :eek:

There are other things out there, you know! I'd love to have been a SAHM, but had to support my kids. However, when I was unemployed for a while, I didn't think "Oh boy! More time to spend on housework! Woo hoo!!" :rotfl:

There's all sorts of charities etc begging for volunteeers. Then there's reading, writing, creative pursuits, museums, art galleries, local history, further education. I could go on... But I won't They all demand time and energy I don't have after a long day's work, possibly with overtime then on to domestic chores.

It doesn't - I used those as a very general example - I mean't fulfilled in general by being a sahm when the children are at school (in whatever way that person feels fulfilled - obviously we are all different - some are fulfilled by running a house/other's work career/others some of the activities you describe)

I would love to not have to work full-time with my 2 school age children but financially I don't have that choice - I'm a single mum with a good job and my own property and I need to work to support us.
I would love to be able to help out and volunteer at the school like many of the other mum's but I don't have that choice but great for those that do

galvanizersbaby

rebecca.hobson wrote: »

only read the first thread, so don't know what going on above, but i wanted to add my reasons for saying 'i want a baby but can't afford one'we are a young couple, I'm 23, have been together for 8 years and would love to start a family but we simply cant afford it. after paying our bills we don't have enough money left for socialising anyway so it's not like we spend all our money on going to the pub ect. we dont go on holiday, or if we do its a cmaping trip every year. and i do have a bitter feeling towards people that are at home all day, and not bringng in an income! and have children, it might not be the right attitude ot have but it upsets me that i cant afford a child but if i were to live in a council property and in receipt of benefits i could lead the same life now but have children and not have to work!shoot me down if you like!?![/quote]

I won't shoot you down - I agree with your sentiments that it's not right to start a family when you have no income/means to provide for that family (though I know not all parents living in council houses and in receipt of benefits started off that way so it's a bit of a generalisation)
You are still young at 23 - I hope that one day you get to start your family!

Lunar_Eclipse

rebecca.hobson wrote: »

only read the first thread, so don't know what going on above, but i wanted to add my reasons for saying 'i want a baby but can't afford one'we are a young couple, I'm 23, have been together for 8 years and would love to start a family but we simply cant afford it. after paying our bills we don't have enough money left for socialising anyway so it's not like we spend all our money on going to the pub ect. we dont go on holiday, or if we do its a cmaping trip every year. and i do have a bitter feeling towards people that are at home all day, and not bringng in an income! and have children, it might not be the right attitude ot have but it upsets me that i cant afford a child but if i were to live in a council property and in receipt of benefits i could lead the same life now but have children and not have to work!shoot me down if you like!?!

Try not to feel bitter, essentially against free riders, or jealous of those who have what you want. There are always going to be people that are better off than you and worse off than you. I'm surrounded by both every day. I think the key to being happy is to know what you want out of life (the hardest bit) and then do everything you can to achieve it (not so hard once you know what 'it' is ). You have age on your side for starters; a huge advantage!

I am currently not working for income, for the first time in my 14 years post graduation. It really is no-one's business, since I am not a drain on 'the system' (no benefits) and actually spend time giving back to my local community, the benefits of which go beyond my family, who are ultimately paying for it. But we all have choices. And only one life to live.

basketcase

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

It doesn't - I used those as a very general example - I mean't fulfilled in general by being a sahm when the children are at school (in whatever way that person feels fulfilled - obviously we are all different - some are fulfilled by running a house/other's work career/others some of the activities you describe)

I would love to not have to work full-time with my 2 school age children but financially I don't have that choice - I'm a single mum with a good job and my own property and I need to work to support us.
I would love to be able to help out and volunteer at the school like many of the other mum's but I don't have that choice but great for those that do

Likewise re being able to do things other than work!

Was reading your post on the back of Totallybroke's comments:

Originally Posted by TotallyBroke
I think that because I can't personally understand how someone would not want to.

Why would any woman want to spend her day doing nothing after the housework has been done? I have a day off work and by 9am I'm bored shitless.

buxtonrabbitgreen

I do feel sorry for couples wanting to have children and not aboe to because of their financial commitments. the main problem as far as I can tell is the very high cost of housing.
People could afford the child care if they didn't have huge mortgage or rent.
But if they didn't have huge housing costs they wouldn't both need to be at work, so woudn't need expensive child care. Perhaps the house prices falling may turn out to be a good thing.
I bought my house 20 years ago. but I coudn't afford to buy it now on our wages and at the price it would cost now. So I would be in a similar position to many of you.
However when I had my firts child at the age of 19, we lived in a rented 1 bed flat that cost £8 per week, and my husbands wages were £12 per week so it was still a sizable chunk of our income.
We lived near London and would never have been able to get a council house as the list was so long. So we took the option, given by the council at the time of getting a council house in a new town. So we just looked at the map of where we could go and Milton Keynes was the closest.
We really did not have anything, except the baby. No car, no phone, no washing machine, no freezer. And what we did have was all second hand. We didn't ever have any carpet in that house and coudn't afford to turn the heating on.
What I am trying to say is that it is more difficult now, but maybe we had lower expectations then and were willing to take a leap into the unknown (north of Watford)