Is it me?

Speckled_Egg

We got married at the end of last year. Our Best Man and his wife didn't give us a card or a present.

We've always been quite generous to them (bought cards and presents when they had their baby, when it was his Birthday, etc.) We even gave the Best Man a present at the wedding for being the Best Man.

Although this has grated a bit I have tried not to think about it too much. Anyway, a couple of days ago I got an email asking me to sponsor him for a charity event. I nearly flipped out! I've ignored the email but I have since written a card to say thank you for attending the wedding, being our Best Man, etc.

Have I done the right thing? What do you all think? I'm not so bothered about the present but I can't believe they couldn't even bothered to stop at the newsagents to buy us a piddly card for a quid. Being a typical bloke my husband really doesn't care about the whole thing so I'm loathe to mention it to him again.

Shelley3774

No its not you I think that it was very inconsiderate to not send a card at least. The same thing happened I had my best friend's daughter as bridesmaid and my friend didn't even send us a card!!!! I was very hurt at the time:mad:
Then to make matters worse when our son was born a year later my husband phoned her to tell her and she was lovely on the phone to him but that was the last I ever heard from her. Very strange!!!!
I personally would not sponsor him and see what happens!!

PasturesNew

I think people are too touchy. I wouldn't give a t0ss if people didn't give me cards or gifts. I don't know how people know who bought them what, but maybe it was overlooked or something?

If you don't want to sponsor him, fair enough, but don't connect the two events.

IamJen

Also, are you sure that there wasn't some mixup? Maybe they were sending something in the post, or something like that.

Speckled_Egg

Well, I wish I could be like you, PasturesNew. It would make life a lot easier! It is important to me. I always make a fuss over my friends when it's their Birthday, Wedding, new baby, etc. because I care about them.

Funny thing is, he told my husband that he would give him some money on the day but didn't follow through. Perhaps it's already in the charity pot!

JoJoB

Presumably they are friends for reasons other than their card-giving abilities?

If so I suggest you focus on the other qualities which made the friendship worthwhile and realise that while to you a card is hugely symbolic and important, to others it is just a card.

If, when you have a think on it, they are rubbish at everything else friendship-wise too, then bin em.

Speckled_Egg

Yeah, he's my husband's friend and you're right about the cards. I won't waste my time and money on them as it's obviously not in the least bit important to them.

VickyA_2

To be honest, if it was down to my DH then no one would EVER get cards or presents for anything. :rolleyes: Is the best man a bit like that? We never got a card or present from DH's twin sister on our wedding day, but we did expect them to stay overnight in an expensive hotel.... Not giving the best man excuses, but there may well be other factors?

McKneff

Its a man thing, if i popped my clogs today the only two families that would get cards are our son and daughters, then i'm not so sure that he would remember to post them in advance. But i do understand that you are upset that you didnt get at least a card.

Like another poster said, dont connect the two events as long as all the money is going to charity.
They are mates, did they regularly give each other birthday cards etc before you came on the scene. I would put it behind you and not let it spoil a friendship, but learn from it.

Speckled_Egg

Yeah, in fact they're both pretty useless! He's a very good friend to my husband but much as I like his wife, I don't have that much to do with her as trying to organise a date to see her is a bit like herding cats!

picklepick

ive been to many friends weddings anot not bought cards. i rarely get cards for my friends birthdays, but then they dont need a card to tell them that they mean something to me ! We also paid to travel to a differenct part of the country and stayed in an expensive hotel just so we could be at their wedding. If they turned round and said they were offended because we didnt get them a card id find it laughable!

dont seem to be mean, but do u base all your friendships on how much free stuff you can get off them on special occassions? or the fun times and thoughts that you share the rest of the time. a card does not show you care, it shows you've bought into clintons. get over it, sponsor the guy, lifes too short!