chances of him getting residence order...

DEBT_23

i have lived up north for 6 months with my gf ( whos account im using)and my 1yr old from previous relationship, he hasnt botherd with her all her life, he doesnt pay maintenance nor has contact, no b'day cards ,etc, when i moved to be in a same-sex relationship 153 miles away, we agreed that the 2 older children live with him as they were happy down south with my family around them, and they both had contact with there dad, he has now applied for a residence order for our 1 yr old who has only ever known me and my gf, he chose never to have anything to do with her, no maintenance ,visits or anything. my 1yr old child is happy and cared for with us she has only ever known this as her home, my partner is a prison officer and we live in a mortgage 2 bed house, he lives in a 2 bed council flat with my 2 other daughters.
what are the chances of the court granting the residence order to a stranger to my daugher.
im aware this could take months by that time my daughter will be 18mths old, been living up here from 6 mth old and this is all she knows, me and my partner will also be married then ( civil partners) :-)
also as it stands he keeps changing his mind as to when i can see my 2 children that live with him, i havent seen them since dec 08 thru him changing his mind, could i get my solicitor who is defending me sort out a contact order so he cannot keep refusing me contact? i travel 153 miles to be turned away . will this also help my case to keep my 1yr old as it shows with proof i am willling to travel to see my other 2 daughters , where as he dont make the effort to travel up here to see his 1yr old he sooo desperatly wants !!!
thanks all. Nat

pinkshoes

You really need to seek legal advice on this... I believe that his refusal to co-operate in letting you have access to your kids will go against him.

How old are your other 2 kids? Are they happy with him, or would they prefer to live with you?

Vomityspice

His chances of getting the Court to grant him residency is virtually nil.

Unless there is evidence that it is in the childs best interest for the change, he will need to have something more compelling than your in a same-sex relationship.

In terms of support for your child why have you not got the CSA involve? are you providing support for the other children? Surely, on balance you should be paying for one (i.e both ignore one child each to make it even, then you supporting the other child - simple but a starting point)

In terms of your contact with the other two children, you can start a Contact Order (Section 8, Children Act 1989) application yourself. You don't need a solicitor to do it. You can get the forms from your local court (or telephone them and they will send them to you). They are relatively simple to complete. Your solicitor will just ask you the same questions and then fill in the form. It's not that difficult.

Once you get your order , if the ex then turns you away, you can claim for the costs involved . In addition, there are a number of other ways for a court to enforce a contact order. As I am sure others will say, this doesn't mean your ex will co-operate, and if he doesn't, the court will take an inordinate amount of time to do anything to resolve it.

Currently a Social Worker (Registered with GSCC) and just 3 months away from completing my Law (LLB) degree (assuming I pass the final exams!)

DEBT_23

my other 2 children are 4 n 2, they have been living with him for 4 months, the 4 yr old is all for her dad and since living with him ,he has brainwashed her, she doesnt want to speak when i ring. i ring everyday to speak to them and dependin on what mood he is in whether or not i speak to them. the 2 yr old wants to see me and speaks to me on the phone. yes they are happy down there and settled with what they know. im aware he is claiming that all 3 should be together, tho with distance etc surely contact on a monthly bases is enough, my 1yr old is too young to realise they are siblings !
yes i have instructed a legal team who is currantly responding to the letter his team have sent .

he quit his full time job in nov so he could have the 2 children he is on benifits and doesnt pay anything to my 1yr old, even when he was working he didnt pay towards her.

DEBT_23

thanks Vomityspice, i hope your right, the 1yr old is loved and cared for also very spoilt ,lol with me n my gf also her family are great, we have good friends and family around us who know she is never neglected and she is very settled here.

tamlem

DEBT_23 wrote: »

my other 2 children are 4 n 2, they have been living with him for 4 months, the 4 yr old is all for her dad and since living with him ,he has brainwashed her, she doesnt want to speak when i ring. i ring everyday to speak to them and dependin on what mood he is in whether or not i speak to them. the 2 yr old wants to see me and speaks to me on the phone. yes they are happy down there and settled with what they know. im aware he is claiming that all 3 should be together, tho with distance etc surely contact on a monthly bases is enough, my 1yr old is too young to realise they are siblings !
yes i have instructed a legal team who is currantly responding to the letter his team have sent .

he quit his full time job in nov so he could have the 2 children he is on benifits and doesnt pay anything to my 1yr old, even when he was working he didnt pay towards her.

Gosh, when I read your original post I didn't realise how young your other two "older" children are.

Can I ask what led to you needing to move so far away from them, with them both being so young? -please ignore question if too intrusive though:o

I really hope that everything works out in the best interests of the children and that they can grow up to have loving relationships with both of their parents and with each other.

Good luck.

smartpicture

DEBT_23 wrote: »

he quit his full time job in nov so he could have the 2 children he is on benifits and doesnt pay anything to my 1yr old, even when he was working he didnt pay towards her.

I'm not sure why you expect him to pay towards the 1 year-old? Not sure if you're working or not, but on balance shouldn't you be paying maintenance to him as he has two of your children and you only have one?

However, you should certainly be able to see your other children, although you probably need a solicitor to help with this if he's putting obstacles in the way. When you go to visit the older two, do you take the youngest with you so she can see her dad? I would have thought it was in his interest to allow contact so he gets contact with the youngest - presumably he wouldn't be applying for custody if he didn't want to see her. It feels like there's part of the story missing here.

DEBT_23

i felt selfish having my children with me up north , my family and him wanted the 'older ' 2 to be down there, as they never botherd with my baby and my family said they didnt mind were i lived as long, but removin the older 2 was selfish cos it was all they knew... reluctantly i agreed. i moved up here to be with my gf as the distance was very long to keep living apart and my ex would of made our lives hell if my gf had moved down south !
i only agreed with family that the other 2 go back down there as when they first moved up here they hated it and wanted go back 'home'.
the agreement was i see them as often as i want etc. soon as he got them he kept refusing.
after 4 yrs of abuse from him and no love i had never been happier than with my gf, tho she was happy to move to me down south he would have made our lives hell.

as for paying for the other 2 who live with their dad, he has only had them 4 months and im on benefits so cannot pay. all entitlement is with him now with regards to benefits i am supported by my gf who is in full time employment

DEBT_23

smartpicture wrote: »

I'm not sure why you expect him to pay towards the 1 year-old? Not sure if you're working or not, but on balance shouldn't you be paying maintenance to him as he has two of your children and you only have one?

However, you should certainly be able to see your other children, although you probably need a solicitor to help with this if he's putting obstacles in the way. When you go to visit the older two, do you take the youngest with you so she can see her dad? I would have thought it was in his interest to allow contact so he gets contact with the youngest - presumably he wouldn't be applying for custody if he didn't want to see her. It feels like there's part of the story missing here.

no i dont take the youngest one, she lived down south with me until she was 6mnths then we moved north, before then he wud colect the other 2 sat nyt he wud ignore the youngest and refuse to even bother with 'it'
i have only been down there once since nov when they moved back south as he keeps refusing me seeing them. he wont allow me to bring them up norht for a weekend.
he never askes about her, the only time he wanted us to bring her down was when i went down south with xmas pressies and took my older 2 out he wantd the baby left with him as a guarentee that i would return with the other 2 !!!! id rather he didnt see the baby as for the past year he hasnt botherd ever with her, tho like my solicitor said he is entitled and should make the efford, i agreed that if he wanted to see her he would have to drive up north to see her and make the efford like i drive down south and see my other 2.
he is only applying for custody because he wants to be spiteful and p me off! the only excuse he has is all 3 should live together tho legally as long as the siblings have contact say 1wkend a mnth for each party he has no other grounds to apply for her...
he has only ever bother with the 2 children he has, he knows how happy i am and he hates that he cannot control me any more ( i was 15 when i got with him ,he was 26) i had 4 abusive years with him.
we split up 20mnths ago.
instead of admitting i was gay at 15 i stuck it out all because my family dont approve of same sex relationships... live and learn !!

pink_princess

What have your legal team said,about his chances of success.
My heart is saying different things in your postion,on one hand the thought of siblings split up,the other the baby is settled.
Can you also prove that he has refused contact to the baby (you will be asked this).They will also ask you to prove tried contact to your other children.
The ideal situation would be to keep it out of the courts and all children to have access to each other and each parent ,but thats stating the obvious.

DEBT_23

he wants it thru court he claims he has been told of his sol that he will get the baby, the children all lived with their mother until the youngest was 8 months, for 6 months they have been seperated, we are going for a cantact order so he can no longer call the shots with seeing the other 2, by the time it goes to court the children would have lived apart for at least 12months .

it aint that he has refused contact with the little one, its that he doesnt bother with her, he doesnt ask about her, he dont arrangeto visit her, he didnt send a card for her 1st b'day or xmas , we can prove he aint been up here to visit her. i ring my ex everyday to speak to my 2 children and i also go to visit them. i have proof of this, a contact order will also prove this once my sol has dealt with it this week.

when it goes to crt my daughter will be at least 17mth old, surely they will ask him why he hasnt botherd until now !? and why he wants full custody when he hasnt even spent 2 hrs with her in her life !!!!????