Absent parent and uni costs

Becles

My ex asked if he would stop paying child maintenance on the children's 18th birthdays. I said they would be both going to sixth form, so I would think it would be the end of the school year with their 18th birthdays in as they will both be still in full time education on their actual 18th birthdays. Is that right?

I mentioned that the eldest is keen on going to university, so we'd have to sit down nearer the time and work out how we were going to pay for that. Ex said that is nothing to do with him and once son gets to 18, if he wants to go to uni, then me and his step-Dad have to pay for it. Is that right?

I know it's a little way in the future as the boys are 12 and 10 now, but husband and me will need to make plans if it's all our responsibility.

All the maintenance has been paid by private arrangement rather than through the CSA.

Aspiring

I'm sure someone with greater knowledge will be along, but I always believed it was until the age of 19 if they are still in full time education?

Rachel85

I'm not 100% sure about the maintenance, but I believe it stops when CB stops (which continues whilst they're at sixth form if they choose to go).

As for University, when your sons are assessed for their financial support (before they go away they have to fill in a form with lots of financial info on which will determine how much support they get from the government and how much parents are expected to fund) they assess it on the income of the household they live in. So that would be you and your OH, not your ex-OH. If you're interested, there's a quick calculator as to how much they'd receive and how much you might be expected to contribute at www.studentfinanceengland.co.uk There is no actual obligation for either parent to pay anything any more, but many parents choose to do so.

So your ex-H is absolutely right, but it may be worth highlighting what his proposed plan might do to the relationship he has with his son's. When I was at Uni I knew a few people with absent parents who could have contributed but didn't bother, and they learnt a lot about that parent in the process.

Oldernotwiser

Becles wrote: »

I mentioned that the eldest is keen on going to university, so we'd have to sit down nearer the time and work out how we were going to pay for that. Ex said that is nothing to do with him and once son gets to 18, if he wants to go to uni, then me and his step-Dad have to pay for it. Is that right?

.

Nobody has to pay for your son to go to university as it's funded by a combination of loans and grants, depending on household income. However, Rachel85 is right in that the household income in question is that of yourself and present partner, rather than your son's father.

However, I do agree that your son may well resent not receiving anything from his father so it might be a good idea to go down the voluntary route and appeal to his generosity to make his son a small allowance, for the sake of future relationships.

Becles

Thanks very much

I don't think ex will pay anything voluntary towards uni. He's paying the minimum that he would have had to pay had we gone through CSA. He has begruded giving me that and has asked before if he can reduce it, but I said no

Aspiring

Becles wrote: »

Thanks very much

I don't think ex will pay anything voluntary towards uni. He's paying the minimum that he would have had to pay had we gone through CSA. He has begruded giving me that and has asked before if he can reduce it, but I said no

Silly man. The money is not for you, it's for his children (why do some men simply not get that?)

Oldernotwiser

Becles wrote: »

Thanks very much

I don't think ex will pay anything voluntary towards uni. He's paying the minimum that he would have had to pay had we gone through CSA. He has begruded giving me that and has asked before if he can reduce it, but I said no

You might find he's happier paying money directly to his children, rather than to you. He may not, but there's no harm trying.

bestpud

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You might find he's happier paying money directly to his children, rather than to you. He may not, but there's no harm trying.

Yes, I was thinking that.

Giving money to his son may well feel a lot different to giving money (in his eyes) to you and your new partner.

I don't know, but I imagine resentment is a natural feeling when a new partner is involved? I would think it can be difficult at times to remember the money is for the children and not the new and 'happy family'.

I may well be talking rubbish though!

If he is very resistant to giving money, then you could suggest other ways he could help them out at the time - food parcels, phone top ups etc.

Floss

Becles wrote: »

My ex asked if he would stop paying child maintenance on the children's 18th birthdays. I said they would be both going to sixth form, so I would think it would be the end of the school year with their 18th birthdays in as they will both be still in full time education on their actual 18th birthdays. Is that right?

Maintenance is due until Child Benefit stops, which if a child stays on to do A-levels, is the first Monday in September.

Becles wrote: »

I mentioned that the eldest is keen on going to university, so we'd have to sit down nearer the time and work out how we were going to pay for that. Ex said that is nothing to do with him and once son gets to 18, if he wants to go to uni, then me and his step-Dad have to pay for it. Is that right?

Basically, yes.

Your son's student finances will be based on your household income. As an example of this, my OH & I have a joint income higher than the top cut-off for my DS2's student loan & grant, so he is only eligible to borrow 75% of the total loan amount. We are expected to top-up the balance, and his father's income does not come into the equation.

claire1234

Becles wrote: »

Thanks very much

I don't think ex will pay anything voluntary towards uni. He's paying the minimum that he would have had to pay had we gone through CSA. He has begruded giving me that and has asked before if he can reduce it, but I said no

hiya,

im a "stepmam" so i can see it from the other way round,

i would love to send my step kids to uni and make sure they have a good education but at the minute we are not in a fianancial position to do so,

for the minute we pay csa money ( i know it goes to the mother but its for the kids after all) then the kids (g14 and b15 ) get some "pocket money" put into there account too, so it feels like they getting a bit of spends too

perhaps you could tell you kids dad that you need a bit more money each month now then that extra bit he gives you is what you could put to one side for like kids, like if he gives you an extra £20 - £50 per month you could put that aside for uni then when the kids turn 16-18 he could make payments direct to them

Rikki

My son is at university and has to support himself like many children at university. That's why there are loans and grants. Many students have to work too, both in the holidays and term time.

Neither you or your ex are expected to support them through university it is a choice and if you can afford it.