Am I being unfair?

magentadreamer

I don't think you're being too hard on her at all! She needs to realise that the Bank of Mum can not support her indefinetly and that the Bank of mum needs a token amount of board! Basically a reality check is needed and a visit to the job centre ASP even if it does mean mingling with tramps, losers, single parents, recently redundant people and 19 year olds who don't have a job! I'd also leave her a list of household chores that need doing every day. I might sound harsh but I too was a teen on the dole and my Mum supported me throw that time. I used to take/collect my baby sis from school for my mum plus do other bits around the house - I'm not saying I was a full time domestic but vacing,doing washing,cleaning etc was done by me as My Mum was a single parent working full time.

hilstep2000

Thanks for all your support. She has spent two years at college, and got 9 City & Guilds certs in Travel, but can't find a travel job. She did pay rent when she was working, so it's not as if she won't do anything. She did apologise this afternoon, and says she'll go down Monday morning, (fingers crossed!) I'm going to try and enjoy my week off instead!

worrier

:T Loads of jobs in Travel agencies and whate about going to rep abroad. that will give you a break and she'll have a great time meeting people. Thomson rep might suit. :j best of luck

gilly41

Hi
You are definately not being too hard!!My kids are 20 and 22- and are both away at Uni. My son pays £68 a week rent in Hall and my daughter pays £300 a month rent on her flat(goes halves with her boyfriend). They have both learnt that it is an expensive world out there!! They pay for everything themselves(both have part time jobs and student loans) and in the summer my son comes home(daughter lives with her boyfriend) and he goes straight to Manpower and registers and usually finds a job(ANYTHING THAT IS GOING!!) for the summer- last year he worked as a hospital porter- this money I do let him keep to take back to Uni with him and get clothes etc.
Could your daughter not apply for something further at college? or maybe even Uni? She could do this maybe part time and work part time- furthering her education and still earning some money to help out with bills etc.I would definately get her to help out with chores- maybe write her a list each morning- it is only fair if you are working full time!
Take care
xx

QuidsInn_2

Stick to your guns, you are NOT being too hard. Job Centres these days are brilliant places and they really do bend over backward to help you, not ony find a job, but claim any benefit you are entitled to. Its a shame that they still have such stigma attached to them.

I wish you both luck!

beverleyhills

I don't think that you are being hard but I shoudn't comment further as I do not have children. I would like to explain how I felt about being made 'redundant'

I was able to take voluntary redundancy at a convenient time in my life. I was angry, I felt that I still had a lot to offer and I wasn't wanted. I felt rejected.

I did sign on at the Job Centre to keep up with the contributions towards the state pension. I was demotivated and sat around in my dressing gown watching daytime TV, a new experience for me. Fortunately DH was still working and gave me some structure at the beginning and end of the day. I went to my GP who signed me 'off'. After about 6 weeks he considered that he couldn't legetimately continue. By this time I had worked out that I was depressed because I was grieving for what I had lost.

I was referred for a Training Work Course. It was impressed on me that THE JOB was redundant and not the PERSON. I was an OK person. I went on to a work placement with my old and new found skills (word proccessing-12 words a minute with a following wind) where I met a number of nice people who helped me with my healing process and the opportunity of employment.

This is just one person's experience, I hope it helps.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

MajorR

I would say that you are being alittle unfair, she lost through no fault of her own so it's not as if she's a no good lay about. As someone who's been made redundant twice i can tell you its like a slap in the face when it happens and any hard work that you've done amounts to zero over night.
At aged 19 there's plenty of time for her to get bogged down with the drudgery of work and for close to minimum wage too i bet. Cut her some slack, if/when theres no money to go round tell her so and eventully she'll get a job off her own back to have some money of her own because she doesnt sound like a lazy teenager to me, just someone who's been unlucky. My Dad was out of work for 9 months before he found something and your daughter lost her job in Jan!. And as for signing on i wouldnt bother personally as you dont get alot and its not worth the hassle.

Lillibet_2

Just to follow on from my pervious post and and to add a little baalnce to my comments, I too have been made redundant in the past. Yes it hurts but the bottom line is that life is sometimes unfair. Be there to guide, advise & mentally support her but make sure she gets off her bum in order to make things happen & improve for herself!

Becles

if she visits www.jobcentreplus.gov.uk on a regular basis, she'll only have to physically visit the job centre once a fortnight(?) to sign on

You could even look for her and print the relevant pages out to leave in an obvious place

gravitytolls

Did you see the episode of Malcolm in The Middle on Sky 1 tonight?

Reece refused to get a job, aged 19 coincidentally. His mother took away soap, loo roll, locked the fridge and cupboard, and removed sheets, didn't wash his things etc.

Basically, until he got a job and started contributing, he didn't have a right to existence within the household community.

He tried to get smart by putting a large box on the lawn to live in, and starting a fire in a metal bin for warmth. She told him to move it closer to the garage where it wouldn't get blown so mcuh by th ewind.

Just a thought.