Am I being unfair?

hilstep2000

This is a it of a moan, so sorry everyone! As some of you know, my daughter Caroline was working for Littlewoods. Well they've gone bust, so she was made redundant in January.
She started to look for jobs, but basically apart from one interview for Next, (Which she's waiting on) she hasn't had anything else. She sits at home watching daytime TV, or goes out with her mates all the time. Bearing in mind that she's 19, she doesn't even really help around the house. The odd bit of hoovering or ironing, and never prepares any food, not even to peeling a potato.
I'm a single mum, with MS, working full time, and I've had enough.
This morning I gave her an ultimatum, Monday morning, get a job, or sign on. She has shouted at me that she won't go down the job centre, "It's full of tramps and losers". I've said if she doesn't I'll stop feeding her, and stop doing her washing, and I'm hanging on to her last week's wages till she does!

Thing is, am I being too hard? The jobs in our town are difficult to get, and badly paid, but she's so picky! There are loads of carers and cleaners, but she won't even consider those, anyone come up with a solution?

All suggestions gratfully recieved!

jobbingmusician

I am truly shocked by this! When I started reading I thought you were going to say that DD was resisting giving you any money for board and lodging because the rate of JSA is so low. But she's not even claiming JSA! :eek:

Yes, she should be job hunting. But more to the point, she should be signing on! If you are subsidising her, paying for her food and board, then I consider that by being too proud to go to the JobCentre she is depriving YOU of the money. 'I can't pay my mum any houskeeping because I'm too proud to go to the JobCentre' :mad: Words fail me.

Btw, I went to the job centre and signed on when I was without a job (fortunately it turned out to be for only 8 weeks) and I work at senior management level. Apart from anything else, it's important to sign on as it keeps your National Insurance contributions in order.

(You may have gathered I DON'T think you're being too hard ).

us,thecat&thedebt

im sure your aware tht job centres are full of people in yr daughters position, have been ill and returning to work, single parents going back to work, young people getting extra training... the list goes on...

i would drill this in to her..

also while she is not working and not earning she doesnt pay her ni contributions...
she should sign on to aleast make sure her stamps are paid other wise if she becomes ill or goes on maternity leave her ni might not cover it...

also as a single parent you may be entitled to housing/council benifit which u wouldnt have recieved while she was working...

if you apply for these benifits and she is not signing on they take her income as like £500 per week cancelling any benefit you would recive...

she needs to swallow her pride and sign on...
not only will she get some money they will help her get a job..

just to mention i am 19 and i dont live at home but as a 19 year old i dont think your being harsh!

when you sign on you are expected to have a job interview per week so she isnt trying hard enough...

when your unemployed you have to take what is there...
you need to really drill into her that it may seem ok to earn no money while living at home but when you have your own home and bills...

might i add tht when she is working she should be paying keep as i think this shows tht she isnt wise of value of money

dont bring yourself down

us,thecat&thedebt

jobbingmusician wrote:

Apart from anything else, it's important to sign on as it keeps your National Insurance contributions in order.

(You may have gathered I DON'T think you're being too hard ).

it took me so long to type you got there first hehe

jobbingmusician

Lol! :rotfl:

Great minds and all that, though!

candygirl

There's noo way youre being too hard on her!!after all she is an adult now and if she can't contribute financially the least she can do is help out round the house!!
my daughter was the same, thinking she could take me for a ride.when she started uni i asked £25 a week off her for everything, bear in mind im paying for her driving lessons too.she refused and moved out and is now paying £55 a week before food in a student house.we do get on a lot better now and i actually get some undisturbed sleep!!Its time these teenagers got into the real world!!

worrier

Oh. how I empathis with u hilstep2000
Iv got 3 girls. Middle one grudging gives me £20 per wk. Iv pd her overdraft off, bought her car, paid insurance for it do her washing ,ironing etc. Her room is unbelievable tip. She's 23. Who's to blame? Me!!!!!!!! :eek:
Older one left home. Younger doing A levels. No help there then from that one.We are to soft. Didn't start the way we meant to go on. And set it up the way we are treated. Even if it isn't the way we want. :mad:
I printed a list of my greavances, (what I expect each of them to help with) stuck one on her room door etc. You have to be strong make your decision to change the way you look at whats happening and stand your ground. I know this is hard and backing down is such an easy option to keep the peace. :T I dont do their ironing and just put it back in room unironed!
Good Luck and look after u no one els will. :A

Spendless

Yes she needs to sign on to get some money and for the NI reasons given or find work. If jobs in your town are hard to come by what about her going to college and getting some higher qualifications that will eventually enable her to look for a better paying job.

Not all courses start in Sept. Some are on-going. I've just started one that began in Jan.

There is someone on my course on job-seekers and he is able to do the course as long as it wasn't for 16 hours or more a week without it affecting his benefit.
Several others are working part-time in shops/restaurants whilst studying also.

The fees may be free and reduced if she's on benefits.

Good Luck

hjb123

Tell her to ring the Benefits Enquiry Line on 0800 88 22 00 and they will kick start the process for her but they will no doubt tell her to get her lazy rear (that is putting it nicely!) down to the jobcentre!

Has she looked in the local papers and the local jobpapers. The local shop windows? Even enquired in the local businesses does good - that often shows intitiative!

mummysaver

No you aren't being too hard - she must either find a job, sign on or go back to school - she has choices, and one of them isn't to sit around the house! How can she go out with her mates if she has no money!

If your house still has an old style fuse box, I'd remove the fuses, that way she won't be able to watch telly either! Mind you it sounds as though if you tripped the switch in a new fuse box she might not know how to sort that out either!

Tell her to join the rest of us in the real world, stop just watching it on telly.

You work hard and you have a job, as well as doing everything around the home, and you ask if you're being to hard on her - I don't think so!

Sorry have just read the above and it isn't meant to sound as though I'm having a go at you, it's meant to sound indignant on your behalf!

Lillibet_2

If jobs are hard to find in your area then she needs to make more effort to find them, not less. And this includes checking out the jobs at the JC!!!!!!!! I have worked for several multi-national brand name corporations who always advertise certain (non-specalist) vacancies in JC's as they generate a steady stream of candidates, and many staff at all diffrent levels, from office juniors upto maangers have been recruited this way (i.e employers aren't just paying the JC's lip-service & I never saw a tramp comming along for an interview so assume there must be some vetting process in place?). And if jobs are still limited/not to her liking/etc in your area then is there a bus service to another town? Not everyone can have the luxury of working where they live & many many people have to travel to work. Do you have friends in neighbouring towns who get other local papers? Maybe they could forward the situations vacant pages?

No, you aren't being too hard. You are, however, being way too soft:p On days that she doesn't have interviews give her a list of housework to do whilst you are at work & if it isn't done then quite simply let her starve. Trust me, she won't;) Well, not for long.

HTH