Boyfriends parents house a tip

lexilex

This is just something another topic has got me thinking about.

I've been with my boyfriend for over three years, he still lives with his mum and her boyfriend and his two brothers, and I live at home. He's here most the time but one thing that has always bothered me is that his mum's house is a complete tip. It's not just untidy, it's dirty. Just a quick example, they feed the cats on the stairs, the carpet started getting caked in cat food they had to rip it up 'cos it smelt, now the floor boards are also caked in cat food.

Now, this is her choice to live like that, but I really am quite OCD about cleanliness. I can stand mess, but not dirt. I am finding it increasingly difficult to come up with excuses as to why I don't want to stay at my boyfriend's house without offending them. My boyfriend agrees with it been a tip, but I still don't want to say anything, 'cos it's like I'm slagging off his mum, who is actually lovely.

What can I say without offending them?

Smashing

lexilex wrote: »

What can I say without offending them?

Absolutely nothing I'm afraid. You wouldn't take too kindly to guests saying your house is filthy, would you?

Either have him come over to yours, meet elsewhere or claim you're allergic to the cat.

lexilex

Smashing wrote: »

Absolutely nothing I'm afraid. You wouldn't take too kindly to guests saying your house is filthy, would you?

Either have him come over to yours or meet elsewhere.

Well that's what I'm saying, I don't want to offend them.

He does stay at mine, pretty much every night, but occasionally he does ask me to stay there and I don't know how to say no I don't want to witout offending them. He wants to know why I don't want to.

hamstercheeks_2

lexilex wrote: »

Well that's what I'm saying, I don't want to offend them.

He does stay at mine, pretty much every night, but occasionally he does ask me to stay there and I don't know how to say no I don't want to witout offending them. He wants to know why I don't want to.

tell him u get a bad back if you sleep in another bed and you are used to your bed.

Curious_George_2

if you figure it out let me know!
my OHs familys house is a right tip too, he was quite embarrassed about it when i went round but we dont live near them so its not a problem,
my dads flat however...YUCK!
its filthy and he would be mortified if i mentioned it,
im going to have to mention his personal cleanliness soon though as im planning my wedding and as father of the bride i want him looking presentable.. which means having a bath at the very least and scrubbing years of brown nicoteen stains off his fingers! *shudder*

you might just have to bite the bullet and have a chat with your boyf, start with plenty of "i love your family, i think they are great but...."
maybe you could say with all the mess theres no room for your to stay comfortably, or all the mess and dirt doesnt create a sexy atmosphere... wouldnt you rather stay at mine? where your family wont be in the next room... wink wink etc

Barneysmom

Just say no, and as calmy as you can explain why.
It probably doesn't mean much to him and he sees it as normal?
I know it's a really hard situation but if you really can't bear being there you have to tell him the truth.
I do hope you can get it sorted? xxx

alwaysonthego_2

I can remember when I used to do Avon and one of my customer's houses was minging. The carpet had never met the hoover and it was pure filth! She gave my daughter a drink of bottled pop and once we were out of sight it went straight in the bin!

lexilex

Thanks for the suggestions.

My boyfriend doesn't really like it either. He has mentioned how he doesn't know how it's like it is because his mum doesn't work and is in all day.

I think he knows I don't like it, his mum's away at the moment and told my boyfriend she would pay him to clean the house up, he must have noticed my eyes light up when he told me I even helped clean the bathroom.

I just don't want to bring it up everytime he asks me to stay.

Like the excuse about the bad back!

lynzpower

I used to visit lots of homes as I used to be a childrens social worker.

Some of the sights I saw really broke my heart, bin bags in the lounge contents spilling out, piles of washing everywhere, no toilet paper, filthy kitchens, kitchen bins caked in god-knows-what. It horrified me. I work in property now, and still occasionally see fetid living conditions, and Ive never got used to seeing dirty homes, so I really do sympathise with you.

I honestly just think you should tell him. I couldnt imagine keeping a "secret" like that from the boyfreind. After all, if he needs to get to know you, "how you live" is a vital part of that. I personally would do it at his place, so he can see what you mean, and then stay back at yours later

Fire_Fox

Mr. Fire Fox's parents have both had mental health problems and mum still does. They are both absolutely lovely and I really enjoyed meeting the family. BUT their home was as bad as "how clean is your house?" I could not believe his brother and sister could bring their new babies over and feed them there. I also couldn't believe it when Mr. Fire Fox said he'd already cleaned the worktops - he is a chef - and I then spent another two hours cleaning the sink and cupboard doors while he cooked and I still only finished half. Had to tell them I loved cleaning, which I sort of do when you can really see a difference!

When we were on the train back I told him no way could my mum ever visit there, and I would not take a baby there if we had one. He has been back alone since and reckons it is better now, and I am going back in the summer. I don't want him to say anything cos it's not their fault, but I have no idea what I am going to do if we ever do have a baby.

lexilex

Yeah maybe I should just tell him how I feel. I just don't want his mum to hate me I'm sure she already blames me because my boyfriend stays at my house a lot and she doesn't see him very often.

We're only young, but there is absoloutley no way if we had kids that I would take them there. Even if we're just visiting I have to dodge around clothes/catalogues/rubbish to find the couch.

I know part of it is my problem been so obsessed with things been clean, some people would probably think it was fine