Ways to keep calm

bathgatebuyer

I think learning to live with stress is something I'm always going to struggle with and it is always ALWAYS related to money. I feel really confident about a lot of other aspects of my life, but when it comes to money, even a letter in an unmarked envelope can take me to the brink of a panic attack in case it's a debt company chasing me.

Things are £26K better than it was a few years back, but the stress of a few years ago will probably always be with me. My Doctor likened it to a PTSD type response in that I go straight to fight or flight mode based upon images that I have from when debt was really really bad for me.

In taking on a few of these companies over bank charges and PPI, I've been pushed to the brink at times again, but in all cases (bar one which is still with the FOS pending an Adjudication), I've had a decision that I'm happy with and generally consider that I've 'won' my case. This in itself has been empowering and has made me much more confident in dealing with debt issues and the impact that they have on me.

Blackruby

Great advice, rags, people shouldn't be scared of their emotions or bury them, they are natural.

I would advise all the brave people who do take there heads out of the sand to give them self a pat on the back and a DFW reward, be it a nice relaxing bath or curling up in front of a favourite movie.

Merlinexcalibur

Going to be honest now. History making. Into why I try and help, encourage people with problems. Simply because I really can't change my own life, but I'll be damned if I see another human being put through all this pain. When it doesn't have to be that way. Hope that made sense. Just really tired of seeing it everywhere. Hate using this analogy but it's really just the school playground syndrome with some out there. Even with mature adults. No time for it. Anyway.

Blackruby

I understand what you mean, it's good to reach out and help people, the more I see people falling back to 'every man for himself' the more I want to change that.

Merlinexcalibur

I understand what you mean, it's good to reach out and help people, the more I see people falling back to 'every man for himself' the more I want to change that.

Same with me. Makes me more determined to try and put an injustice right. I really despise unfairness in life. Especially when it IS being done unfairly because of where you live, come from and so on. Last night I almost gave up on myself, because someone here decided to scram me with their sharp little fingernails ... was only asking for help, because I panicked. But it's just made me even more determined. Picked myself up so many times it's like wearing new clothes. Was put down so much at school by bullies, so I ain't gonna accept it anymore as an adult.

Snaggles

One thing that helps me stay calm is keeping a notepad and pen by my bed at all times. I have terrible insomnia and can easily lie awake all night with the same worry going round and round in my head.

I find if I just make a brief note of it, it's like 'parking' the worry there till morning - I know I wont forget about it, but I also know I can put it out of my mind for a few hours.

It doesn't always work, but sometimes it helps quite a lot.

nova

Merlinexcalibur wrote: »

Nova. Please don't put yourself down over this. I lost my mother and father within the space of weeks. One suddenly, the other to cancer. The last thing you want, anyone wants when grieving is this crap happening. My father's car hit another one when he died at the wheel, which was actually parked stationery and you wouldn't believe that the car owner asked his insurance company to take a dead man to court. When his family were grieving over losing both parents in weeks. You can imagine what I thought of them and the company when that turned up during our bereavement. Any reasonable human being would see that. So, you've done nothing wrong. And don't ever let anyone tell you you did wrong, either. Cos they know nothing. Experience speaks more volumes than any textbooks shall we say. But, no, don't feel bad.

Ah thanks Merlin, thats really kind, so sorry to hear about your mum and dad, how awful for you. some people are dispicable,l can believe that about the insurance thing. My friends grandad died and the water people wanted to take him to court over his unpaid bill, they kept telling them he'd died and they started court proceedings, so her mum paid them. l would have let it go to court, how stupid would they've looked.

boredofbeingathome

Excellent idea for a thread Ruby.
One thing i would add is that a lot of people come on here stressed right at the beginning of their debt journey and throughout it. This is one of the only boards where people will make every effort to answer posts at any time of the day. I am often around at night because i am a bit of an insomniac and just knowing someone is there for you can make a difference.

Merlinexcalibur

Oh, don't worry it was a while ago but was just giving you emotional support if you like right now?

And I keep on delaying printing out this debt letter I have to send today. Which I'd better go and do before the day ends. lol

I take my stress out in another way. I fight back, giving back to those people who assume they can treat you how they like. And trying, desperately trying to make them see how wrong they are being towards other people. If I could get just one person to see that and appreciate what they are doing to them, it would be a start. Because then it would change their perspective on a few things in life. I find it winds them up even more when you do fight back.

Blackruby

Naughty, Merlin, procrastinating! Lol!

Wow, people are taking to this thread quite well, I'm very pleased. Thank you, everyone for your tips and your advice. A personal thanks for making me feel like I'm making a contribution to this most excellent service for all DFWs.