Ways to keep calm

Blackruby

Hey all,

I thought it might help if I started a thread about how to keep calm in times of stress. I'll put here some of the stuff that I do, then people can add what they do aswell. Then new people can have a browse and maybe not panic as much.

Tips

I have this little logic thing that I do whenever this are getting on top of me. I sit down with a pen and piece of paper, or on the computer, and I have three questions to work through.

1. What is the problem? - This is good if you do it in bullet points for mutiple stresses. It really helps if you nail it down, be specific but not rambiling.
i.e: What's the problem?
1. Letter from xxxx stating they are putting a default on my account
2. Bank charges for going over my overdraft limit

2. Why is it a problem? - This helps because if you identify why exactly it's worrying you, then it helps you to deal with it.
i.e: Why is it a problem?
1. This will mess up my credit rating and may lead to court action.
2. This is going to make it hard to meet all my outgoings this month.

3. What can you doing about it? - By identifying exactly and precisely what it is that you can do about something at any given time, then you can stop worrying about it because you've taken steps to deal with the problem. If there is nothing you can do at the moment due to waiting for a response, then you can stop worrying about it for now.
i.e: What can I do about it?
1. I will write to xxxx and ask them to accept a reduced monthly repayment/full and final settlement. Or contact DMP people and talk to them.
2. Ring the bank and ask them to reverse the charges as a good will gesture, if they won't, then claim them back.

Please note these are just relevant examples and not advice on what I think people should do if faced with these situations.

This works for me in any situation I come accross and I find I spend a lot less time worrying myself sick.

Feel free to add you own personal tips.

And remember, stay calm and get on with your life.

Heidi x

nova

Thanks Blackruby, l wish l'd have seen this before!! l find writing things down good too. Also as l /we have got quite a few debts due to, having a really rubbish year (but thats a whole other thread!!)Depending on how involved something is, l only deal with 1 or 2 things/debts per day. Once l'd plucked my head out of the sand l wrote all that l had to deal with, then priortised them and spend only a certain amount of time each day dealing with it, rather like having a job. Then l can relax knowing l have tackled things but have'nt overloaded myself.
Coming on here and having a rant helps too!!
l also worried about getting ccj's and now l've got one (l think!) l dont have to worry anymore!! if you see what l mean. lknow l wont get credit, but l dont want it either!
Nova X

Blackruby

That's the spirit, Nova!

I know what you mean about worrying about something/it actually happening. Sometimes the worry of something is a lot more traumatic than the actual experience.

Sometimes asking the question 'What's the worst that could happen?' followed swiftly by 'What is actually likely to happen?' can also help.

I haven't got too bad debts, but I'm in a frustrating position of not being able to do as much as I'd like about it. But I stay calm and don't worry about it. I know things are moving, slowly, but moving.

Merlinexcalibur

I'm not really in an advice giving mood this lunchtime. But, to add, the best advice is usually free. And a quick call to the Consumer Counselling Debt Services, freephone number and you do not pay for their services - why pay when it's freely available elsewhere? - and that is one step to take the worry off you. Just knowing someone else can do and advise you on the next step. Because I find a lot don't know, why should they know if not in this situation before? But what I am saying is, a lot don't know who to turn to. CAB is fine. If you want to dispute a neighbours fence but in many people's experiences they often give incorrect debt advise which has led to people getting in more hot water as a result or, in the worst case scenario, being told 'we can't help because we don't have a qualified debt advisor working here'. And you don't need to be told that when you are desperately looking for advice TBH. And they've only recently woken up to the fact that banks/creditors have been taking money from people's accounts 'stealthily' making their debt problems worse. How many years has that been going on now, only NOW just noticed. (sighs). But for financial debt worries you NEED to go to people who know exactly what they are talking about. Like CCCS. And going to a charity suchu as CCCS means also that your creditors are more likely to play ball once they see a CCCS reference on letters. But don't ever let a creditor tell you you MUST seek a DMP before coming to an arrangement. That is rubbish, but they will try it on. Naivety is what they rely on. There is no written law anywhere that says you must and if anything went to court, that would definitely be frowned on by any reasonable judge.

Anyway, CCCS. They were brilliant with me and I know I can contact them anytime and most of their operators knew how to speak to people in a state properly, without sounding patronising and judgemental. They actually helped in other words. So I always found them to be very good. They gave me the initial tools to deal with the debt problems, then I just took advice from other sources and proceeded from there.

The only other advice is don't take from people eg the bullies who WILL bully you on the phone as they are paid to do it, they couldn't care less if you were dying from cancer - and I am just being honest here as it HAS happened to a man recently with the Halifax hounding him despite a court order in place preventing the harassment over debt of a dying man - TBH, they will still harass you. And I have yet to come across anyone in this trade who is genuinely a nice person. They take home their pay, sod you when said and done.

But don't take any rubbish off them, because you don't have to accept what they tell you nor take it. Most collection agency employees sound like they are on a permanent bad hair day TBH. Permanently. Being honest again, they know toffee about anything legal. Most come off the Jobcentre in a coach load. Just being honest. Anyway, just mentioning that because I am so utterly sick of seeing people driven to the brink of suicide by these monsters.

Okay, I have gone on a bit. lol

But one last piece of advice. If you haven't get yourself acquinted with the OFT guidelines on debt collection. There are dozens of template letters online which give you the tools to fight back if a creditor exerts thumb screws despite you telling them you are unable to pay NOT that you are REFUSING BTW. Because there is a difference but I really think some out there prefer to ignore that fundamental logic. What would they prefer? Human sacrifices of your family? Silly, yes but ... some just don't have any common sense it seems.

Lastly, purely get yourself acquinted with what a creditor can and cannot do. What their letters really mean, the threats they will make to you. One piece of good advice I will give is NEVER answer the phone to these people. They aren't interested in coming to an arrangement. Might sound nice as pie but they really aren't. They just want you to agree to something that will mean you struggle badly. CCCS will tell you this BTW or do usually when you contact them at first. The 'what they can/can't do'.

nova

TBH l probably could have prevented things getting this bad but my mum died suddenly last year, and l just kept shredding all the letters from the creditors as at that time it was easier than ringing them!! (really wrong attitude l know) l needed to support my dad and my brother who has downs syndrome and as l could really shred them it had to be the debts lm afraid!!!! A sense of humour helps too, as you've probably noticed!

Nova X

nova

nova wrote: »

TBH l probably could have prevented things getting this bad but my mum died suddenly last year, and l just kept shredding all the letters from the creditors as at that time it was easier than ringing them!! (really wrong attitude l know) l needed to support my dad and my brother who has downs syndrome and as l could really shred them it had to be the debts lm afraid!!!! A sense of humour helps too, as you've probably noticed!

Nova X

Oh dear that's supposed to be on Blackrubys thread, How to stay calm.!!! Now everyone thinks lm bonkers!

nova

nova wrote: »

Oh dear that's supposed to be on Blackrubys thread, How to stay calm.!!! Now everyone thinks lm bonkers!

Oh it is in the right place, l think l'll have some lunch and come back later!!

Merlinexcalibur

Nova. Please don't put yourself down over this. I lost my mother and father within the space of weeks. One suddenly, the other to cancer. The last thing you want, anyone wants when grieving is this crap happening. My father's car hit another one when he died at the wheel, which was actually parked stationery and you wouldn't believe that the car owner asked his insurance company to take a dead man to court. When his family were grieving over losing both parents in weeks. You can imagine what I thought of them and the company when that turned up during our bereavement. Any reasonable human being would see that. So, you've done nothing wrong. And don't ever let anyone tell you you did wrong, either. Cos they know nothing. Experience speaks more volumes than any textbooks shall we say. But, no, don't feel bad.

Blackruby

Lol, you are in the right thread, Nova.

And thank you for your tips too, Merlin, that sort of advice will come in useful for people trying not to panic.

Merlinexcalibur

Bit lost here ... because I thought I WAS posting on that thread til I just looked, I just saw your post and posted away. lol

ragstoricheswannabe

slamming stuff helps me stay calm, that and punching the punch bag till i can punch no more......................then once all the anger and emotions are out of the way i can then sit down with a straight head and work through stuff.

the best thing anyone can do if stressing about debt is peep out of the sand long enough to collect actual figures and apr rates so your not stressing on a round about figure. Easier to make a plan once you know exactly what your dealing with. Then stay out a little longer to complete a soa so everything is down in black and white and there can be no more lying to yourself.

then go back to the punch bag.................................:D