catholic wedding advice please

nat82

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

I agree that one can believe in God and not go to church. However, the Catholic church wouldn't agree that such a person is religious.
I find it really bizarre when a couple comes to the church to have their kids baptised/get married etc. and they obviously don't know what's going on during the service...

P.S. I've got nothing against non-Catholics by the way, my boyfriend is Protestant himself and I couldn't care less

I understand what you are saying totally . We can't marry in the Catholic church as OH has previously been married (even though we go every week, but I accept that he has gone against what the Catholic Church teach about marriage) but they are happy to marry people that are not practising. Perhaps I should have said 'Christian' rather than 'religious'.

x x x

paula7924

darn - my replies keep getting deleted from the thread which i don't understand at all. here we go again....

Thanks to you all, especially Katholicos for your guidance. Any and all additional thoughts will be very welcome and much appreciated

In summary though we do not want a church wedding so that we can have a big white wedding, quite the opposite in fact as we want to keep it as small and quiet as possible - only direct family, barbeque in the back garden, no presents. We would be happy with register office do but we would like to get married in OH's family's church as we know it would mean so very much to them (as long as it didn't require us to lie in order for that to happen).

My OH had stopped going to church, away from home, for a number of reasons many years ago and I am CofE (which raises the issue of requiring a dispensation I know) so we would not include a mass in the service, as is possible here.

I also agree that non-church goers are hypocritical by wanting a church wedding and christenings, when they are not able to keep the promises that they are making. So why do we want a church wedding given what I have said? because OHs family would be really happy if we did and OH is convinced that they would be saddened by a register office one (not that there is any pressure on us to get married at all).
I wouldn't get to married in any other church (CofE, Catholic or Unitarian) as that is the only church which has any significance for us, other than our childhood ones.

It has made me think that we should try out the churches where we live now to see how we get on with those - I do think the priest makes a massive difference, and if we can find an old style service where the liturgy is said rather than sung my OH would be a lot happier

I also believe that people, like OH & myself, can live a spiritual life without attending church and conversely that regular church attendance does not automatically mean that people have a Christian heart (hopefully very rarely and before I offend everyone I am thinking of one particular person I used to work with when I say that)

MsChazzer

Just curious, can you get married in the Catholic church if you know you are unable to have children? Not asking for personal reasons as I'm a Humanist but out of interest. I appreciate that you could get married intending to have children and then discover you can't, but what if you already knew?

paula7924

yes you can as it is God's will that you can't have them - not your choice.

(please correct me if i'm wrong)

nat82

paula7924 wrote: »

yes you can as it is God's will that you can't have them - not your choice.

(please correct me if i'm wrong)

I believe that this is correct Paula.

x x x

PolishBigSpender

MsChazzer wrote: »

Just curious, can you get married in the Catholic church if you know you are unable to have children? Not asking for personal reasons as I'm a Humanist but out of interest. I appreciate that you could get married intending to have children and then discover you can't, but what if you already knew?

You can, as it's a situation not of your choice. However, you must inform your partner about it - if you had known about being infertile and failed to do so, there is a possibility of cancelling the marriage. If both of you are aware of the condition, all is fine.

MsChazzer

Thanks for taking the time to answer my questions, that's interesting, in fact the whole thread has been quite an education for me.

katholicos

MsChazzer wrote: »

Just curious, can you get married in the Catholic church if you know you are unable to have children? Not asking for personal reasons as I'm a Humanist but out of interest. I appreciate that you could get married intending to have children and then discover you can't, but what if you already knew?

An infertile couple can certainly marry in the Catholic Church, all that needs to be present is their 'intent' to be open to life, even if they are unable to concieve a child. If it is that the couple can not have children, that has no bearing on their marrying in the Catholic Church.

riggerz

I am catholic and got married in a church quite far from my local. The rule tends to be that if you wish to get married in a church seperate to your local parish you need to get a letter of consent from your parish priest.
HTH

benj09

Hi - at the risk of reiterating what other people have said, I'm getting married in a catholic church and if it wasn't a church in my parish (or the bride's parish) I would have to pay £250 and if you don't regularly contribute to the church you are supposed to pay money to the church that you want to get married in.

Just something else to bear in mind!