catholic wedding advice please

paula7924

Can anyone advise me about the following potential problems to having a catholic church wedding

1. neither of us want to have children. Will this prevent us being able to get married in church as the vows include accepting and raising children as catholics, and as the purpose of getting married is to have children

and also

2. would we be able to get married in my boyfriend's fanily's church. He was a regular church goer there, and we still go when we visit (and his parents go at least 3 times a week) but we live 250 miles away, although we don't attend church at all here.

I know i could find out the answers by calling the priest but I would rather have an idea what the priest is likely to say

Thanks

tessie_bear

point 1 u could agree to raise your kids as catholic but if u arent planning any it isnt going to be an issue iyswim
point 2 shouldnt be a problem if u are known to the priest

best of luck

*Louise*

1 - None of their business. You accept that you will raise children that way, that's all. You cant promise to hae children as you don't know what will happen in the future when you get married.

2- If you both attend there when you can and his parents go regularly, I can't see there being a problem. If you attend a local church, then make sure you say that.

talkhard

Point 1: I don't think this will be a sticking point. You may be a godparent at some point in your life or something so that may count.

Point 2: They've just recently changed the policies- and you're in luck. It used to be you could only marry in the church that is in your local parish. However, most recently, its now changed to you're allowed to marry in a parish as long as one of your relatives lives there. Other than that, the priest that you want to marry you will contact your parish priest to see if he will allow you to get married outside your parish. It's all formality tho and I'm sure it'll be ok

HTH and congrats on your forthcoming wedding

Lish_2

I am really quite certain that if the preist knew you were intentionally not going to have children then he would not willingly marry you.
Harsh I know, but Catholic marriages are supposed to represent many things including - the intention of pro-creation.

Voyager2002

Lish wrote: »

I am really quite certain that if the preist knew you were intentionally not going to have children then he would not willingly marry you.
Harsh I know, but Catholic marriages are supposed to represent many things including - the intention of pro-creation.

Debatable, depending on his personal views and on whether or not the conversation was private. I am quite sure, however, that you will have to go through the ceremony that includes praying for children and promising to raise them as Catholics. If you are willing to stand up and say things you don't mean, fine. If you want the marriage service changed to suit your aspirations, go to a different church.

briggers_3

voyager is spot on. The rite involves willingly accepting any children that God gives you.
Thousands of other catholics just say yes even though nowadays i would say 99% are not going to follow through. (the others use birth control)
Every Catholic wedding I have been to has involved such promises. It's up to you though. Personally I would have a problem signing up to things if only to get a church wedding, prettier than a registry office though it may be.....

lch_2

I am currently planning my catholic wedding, which takes place in May 2009. A lot of the reponses people have posted are not in line with my experiences and many seem mroe assumptions than factual.

I have not discussed my intention to start a family with my priest, so i can not say that he won't ask us about it, HOWEVER, i can say that in every step so far, any mention of children, marriage because of pregnancy and family planning has clearly stated the Catholic Church's belief in responsible parenting. Now to my mind, that means not having children if you not wish to. Please, please do not lie to your preist. I think it would be far better to be up front and get the support of your church in being a responsible couple.

As for having the ceremony in a church you do not frequently attend; as it is your OH's parent's church, this should be ok. You may need permission but it shouldn't be too complicated. One important thing to note, Catholic churches require couples marrying in the catholic chruch to attend marriage preparation.

I hope this helps.

nat82

The priest marrying you will require permission for you to get married outwith your current catchment area. You will also need to attend marriage prep classes but this should be able to be done by your own parish priest (local to you).

This site is quite informative:

http://www.catholic-ew.org.uk/ccb/catholic_church/how_do_i/get_married_in_the_catholic_church

Good luck x x x


EDIT:

Just re-read this paragraph from above website:

"Any Catholic, practising or not, has a right to get married in their parish Church provided they are free to marry and are not obviously too immature to marry or intending marriage in a sense contrary to Catholic teaching, such as denying its permanence or excluding the possibility of having children if they are of an age to do so. If you wish to marry in a Church other than your parish Church, this will be entirely at the discretion of the parish priest of that Church, and preparation should still normally be undertaken by your own parish priest."

briggers_3

Individual priests may well marry you even if they know you don't plan on having children. I even know a priest who wrote to my friend in support of her decision to live with her fiance before the wedding. Sensible, I know. but you won't find such letters from pope Benedict! Most priests won't ask you your intentions. And hence the Catholic church continues to have a congregation and couples to marry!
By the way, the previous poster is right about the pre-marriage course. I have heard they are very good. You should be fine

PolishBigSpender

paula7924 wrote: »

Can anyone advise me about the following potential problems to having a catholic church wedding

1. neither of us want to have children. Will this prevent us being able to get married in church as the vows include accepting and raising children as catholics, and as the purpose of getting married is to have children

Well, you can assume that IF you happen to have children, you will raise them up as catholics. Although it's not perfectly honest, is it?

2. would we be able to get married in my boyfriend's fanily's church. He was a regular church goer there, and we still go when we visit (and his parents go at least 3 times a week) but we live 250 miles away, although we don't attend church at all here.

I don't think there would be a problem, it's up to the priest though. However, you will need to attend the marriage preparation, go to confession and have a paper signed that you actually went. You will be expected to receive Communion during the ceremony.

Good luck