If things get tougher?

mardatha

My mum was Irish and had a very tough upbringing which made her the same Mary. She was always so GRIM and so humourless...I made it my number one priority when I had kids to always keep a sense of humour and lots of love and cuddles for them. She's dead a long time now but I still resent the lack of love, isnt that silly ?

mary43

mardatha - no it isn't silly at all..............I've had those same feelings together with the guilt factor that seems to follow. But some things we can''t change...............those we can, well I did much like yourself.........always made 'time' for my kids...............that all important thing we don;t always appreciate, plus I''ve tried to teach them that no matter what life throws at you, look hard enough and somewhere there's a funny side to it. My dad always said that and he;s right. You just don't always see it at the time.
I hope we don't have great hardship again but at least this time round we'd have the sense of humour and somehow would manage to laugh out way through it all. - hopefully.

mardatha

And one other thing, you need to feel that you're not alone --and this forum does jsut that. You always feel stronger in a herd ! (mooo !)

jamanda

mardatha wrote: »

And one other thing, you need to feel that you're not alone --and this forum does jsut that. You always feel stronger in a herd ! (mooo !)

I agree. I don't know anyone else other than perhaps my mum who realises that life is going to become harder and taking whatever steps are possible to alleviate the potential problems. I try to warn my daughter that things are going to get tougher and things are starting to sink in a bit, but she still looks at me as if she wants to pat me on the head to make it better.

This thread at least helps me know that I'm not totally insane and there are other people who think like me. In "real" life everyone else I know seems to be carrying on regardless.

Thanks everyone - you are all helping.

ceridwen

Mary - that was a good point re your mother - that she was always so busy "surviving" that she didnt really have any time for "living". I personally wouldnt see the point of a life like that - and I do notice now how some people I come across are very "hard" type people and I guess part of the reason for them being this way is having had a particularly hard life. I have had to toughen up a bit with the stuff thats happened in my life - but I would hate the thought of ever becoming a "hard" type of person or seeing a higher proportion of other people becoming that way.

We do need to have a gentler/more sensitive side to ourselves - thats what makes us "human beings" not "human doings". We do need time for ourselves - even if its only to "sit and dream".

MRSTITTLEMOUSE

ceridwen wrote: »

Mary - that was a good point re your mother - that she was always so busy "surviving" that she didnt really have any time for "living". I personally wouldnt see the point of a life like that - and I do notice now how some people I come across are very "hard" type people and I guess part of the reason for them being this way is having had a particularly hard life. I have had to toughen up a bit with the stuff thats happened in my life - but I would hate the thought of ever becoming a "hard" type of person or seeing a higher proportion of other people becoming that way.

We do need to have a gentler/more sensitive side to ourselves - thats what makes us "human beings" not "human doings". We do need time for ourselves - even if its only to "sit and dream".

I could'nt agree more with you.I spend a lot of my time doing things I enjoy even if it seems I'm just wasting time to others.If it makes me happy than it's not time wasted.When I was younger I would constantly be doing things that I thought I should be doing but now I'm in my 50s I have realised life is too short and I've become a much easier going and happier person.
Talking as you were about people being hard,my mother and father were like this.We were never cuddled as children and throughout our lives we were never shown any affection from them.I changed that with my own children and to be honest my relationship with my children and grandchildren is the total opposite.I guess I smother them but they don't seem to mind.
Your'e right when you say we all need time for ourselves,it's the only way we can find out who we truly are.

2cats1kid

Ceridwen, would this do for a soap shaker? Meant for herbs, but might serve the purpose.

http://www.lakeland.co.uk/spice-basket/F/keyword/spice/product/12163

sammy_kaye18

mary43 - your mother sounds exactly how my grandmother and my mother (and her twin also are now) and my grandmother is Irish.

They never were affectionate - alwasy too busy working and i can never actualyl remember any quality time with my mother or grandmother at all. Mum worked since i can remember and at 6 (myself) adn 4 (my sister) we were left with people to look after us, at the age of 8 i was left to care for my sister in the hosue (she was 6 then) and mum thought it was ok as she worked across the street literally and we had lots of people about who we could go to if we needed too. Dad was in the RAF so rarely around since i was about 8 weeks old. It was only really when i hit 15 that he was a constant in my life and then they broke up at 16 they divorced so he went again. Then it really hit the fan after that for both me and my sister but thats another long drone of a story all together but needless to say she calls me 'mum' on more than one occassion and we are extrememly close because of it.

Not the easiest of upbringings but i am thankful because as my parents were both very non maternal/paternal i spent alot fo time with my dads mother and father (and my great grandfather when he was with us RIP) and they were fantastic. Grew their own veg, knitted, sewed, cooked, baked, foraged, made christmas gifts, made cards, did alot of crafts and im thankful that they were and still are a big part of my life growing up as they taught me alot fo what i know today. I tend to speak to my dad twice a month and see him every 3 months as he lives 4 hours a way. My mum i talk to maybe twice a month, see maybe twice a month adn she lives 40 minutes from me. My nan i have seen once this year but i speak to her every week on the phone for at least an hour at a time (she lives in southampton and my grandad has medical issues which makes visits hard)

mary43

I had similar to you Sammy.............I spent a lot of time at my grans (dads side of the family) in the countryside.........I loved it there but it was a while before she had electricity and never did have water laid on to the house. It was the well in the garden or the pump up the lane. All very basic and non-,materialistic but not that we noticed.......well, there just weren't the things around to have..........only the really well off had a car and a fridge !! I remember all the kids in our street flocking to a house in the street because they had a fridge and we could have ice cream ! So many things we take for granted now just weren't around to have.
Once Mum finished work she still stuck to the routines she had when she worked for a while but eventually slowed down and we spent a lot of quality time. Long conversations, so much said that I would love to have said years before. Sadly, since her stroke it those days are gone.
She was never one for showing affection -maybe thats why I always make a point of it so to me there was a valuable lesson learned, equally as valuable as being able to cope when times are hard.

Sarahsaver

THis has made me think about how my parents were when i was a child. And I have long been aware that I wanted to be like my Dad not like my Mum.
both were very old style, affectionate though. But something very different happened in their childhoods i suppose, cos when i was a kid Mum used to hide receipts and bills, whereas Dad was MEGA frugal. Mum was too, I mean all home cooked food AND she went out to work - out of necessity, as did her Mum before her. I think and i will have to guess as Dad is no longet with us, that its because of Mum being a child during the war but Dad was in service in the medical corps. i know he saw some awful things during the war that made him value the most simple of things.
Mum placed more value on the things she couldn't have during the war/adolescence, like new clothes, shoes, fancy food and so on.