50K in debt-And now Hubby knows

scottishspendaholic

Hey Bunny,

I'm so glad to hear things are working out for you. Yay! It'll take a long time and much humble pie, but I'm sure you'll get there in the end.

In my area, they are chucking money and grants at people to retrain as childminders - have you looked into this? I'm not sure if this is just a Scottish/local site - but the website the ads give is https://www.childminding.org - if it is just local to me - then it might have some useful links?

Stick around the boards - I'm sure you've got lots to offer people. I agree with you that saving money is addictive!

scottishspendaholic x

scrystaltips

Good luck Bunny
we are all thinking of you

in*the*red_6

Bunny

I've sent you a PM.

ITR

billy_the_kid_2

My OH has run up debts in the past. About 4 years ago she confessed to a 10k debt on cc's and said that she was trying to sort things out and got herself a consolidation loan. In the mean time I kept asking her how things were going and every time she said ok. Low and behold about 14 months ago she broke down again and admitted to running up another 14k's.

For me it wasnt the debt that was the problem, just the fact she had covered up the truth again. As all through the first period I kept asking how things were going and how I could help.

If there is any advice I could offer, it is now its out in the open, please be both open and honest all the time about your debts/spending habits. As its easier to fix the earlier it is tackled. Also the deciept is very hard to cope with.

I just hope my OH tells me if things get bad again, cos Im not sure how I will feel a third time.

January_Embers

Bunnyinthelights wrote:

Well,
I have finally told him and it was worse then I expected.
I have an appointment with CCCs on the 16th and I truly hope to get sorted asap.
Please can someone tell me that they've been thru the same thing and came out ok? I cannot bear the thought of losing him.
What a mess I've made of everything,
Bunny

:grouphug: Hugs Bunny.
My situation is the other way around in that he told me. I knew we had a loan and he had several credit cards but I had no idea how bad the situation was. We came back from holiday last June and on the day we got back he told me he'd had to borrow money from hid dad so we could go on holiday! I was really upset as he hadn't told me about this and now I felt like the holiday memories were built on a lie. A few weeks later we went to the bank to see about changing our mortgage and the truth came out. He owes about 100k in total. I think I felt the worst i have ever felt in my life on that day, really unhappy and not knowing what to do.
Several months on we now have a plan with Payplan, who have been great. Its going to take a very long time to pay it off, but whats done is done. All we can do is learn from this.
It has damaged our marriage, though things are much better now than they were 6 months ago, when I felt the trust had gone completely. I did consider leaving, the only time I have ever done so, but I love him and he loves me and he is a very good, kind and supportive man. It seemed wrong to throw away 12 years for a mistake that anyone could have made.

You can get through this, it will take time but you'll get there

Thefunkygibbons

Things do only get better from here on in

Keep everything as a joint exercise from now on and that will help bring you closer again

novice_money_saver_2

Bunny, I've had a lump in my throat reading this thread. You have been so brave and you have to keep being brave even when it feels like its hurting you both.

My OH had never even been overdrawn when he met me 8 years ago. At the time I owed over £20,000.

The worst day of my life was when we were renting a house together and he told me he was considering buying a house in his name only because he was scared he would get caught with my debt! I think this was because I was quite blase about it when he thought it was really serious.

We got through that and I think we both did a lot of thinking about our attitudes towards debt.

2 years later we went for the joint house purchase - a leap of faith for him I think. Just before we completed on the house, he proposed!!!

We've been married 2 years and we share everything now. You have to keep talking - you can't expect to share the rest of your life with someone you can't tell everything to.

Hang in there bunny, I'm rooting for you.

Bunnyinthelights

Hi Everyone,
I just want to say thank you to everyone for their support and kind words. In truth, I really wish I had done this earlier. My worst fear was that my marriage would be over and that I'd be a single Mom in a council house-well, if it had ended up as that, I would have been better off finacially that I am now but without the love of my life.

My husband is sticking by me and helping me out (not with money and paying my debt-I am doing it myself-and it's going to take YEARS and screw up BOTH our credit ratings-however, we both agree, we don't want it, or need it anymore-other than the mortgage which will be tackled after I pay off my debt) He is helping my by believeing in me and by loving me which I thought I had lost.

The relief of not having to hide credit card bills and let him go into my purse to get a stamp is immense, strange but true. The relief of being able to open the post in front of him is huge. Again, strange but true! I truly feel as though our life together is starting over and my biggest regret is not telling him sooner. (oh, and racking up the debt in the first place)

If there is ANYONE out there in my situation that is worried about telling their spouse, I would say to do it. Perhaps I am lucky in that I have a partner that loves me as much as I love him, but I know now that I would have had the strength to survive on my own if I had too-because it was a very real possibilty and although frightening, I knew I'd be able to do it if I had to. The fear I lived with for years was FAR worse than the actual outcome.

Please don't get me wrong, I know there is VERY tough times ahead, and I know that I will have to live a totally different life now- I gave up my right to 'running my own life' by telling him but frankly, I welcome the change! His love and support means more than being able to shop at Sainsbury's and deck the kids out in Next clothes.

My children will only have a better life because having parents that love each other, and them, and that is far more precious than posh clothes and fancy food.

I am doing everything I can to generate more income-I have started my childminding courses, I have also started using many of the hints and tips from this forum and shaved over £300 off our utility bills, my food bills have halved and I now have a very clear budget and know where every penny is going. I am amazed what small changes can make huge rewards.

I also think that now I am not living in fear, I am a better wife, friend, mother and manager.

If I have one wish now, it's to help others in my situation. To help them NOT get in it in the first place and to help them if they are. I recommend this site to EVERYONE now.

Bunny :j

whatamess_2

Hi have been following your thread.
I am so glad that things are working out for you both and that your marriage has survived this.
Messy.

Miffi_2

I feel quite stupid for avoiding mentioning that I owe £3k to my other half.

Well done Bunny, you are one brave chick, good luck with it all.

I have learnt a lesson from your post, so if anything you have helped me.