50K in debt-And now Hubby knows

Bunnyinthelights

God,
I can't tell you how much this means to me to have the support from people I haven't even met-I gives me hope that we can pull through this.
Feel as though I am in shock-
Strangely, I want to laugh because Im finally free of the fear of him finding out.
He seems to be more upset that i've been so unhappy for so long (not with the debt-with my life that I had to buy security to feel better)
Just realized as I was speaking to him WHY it happened, and how fast-I don't have anything to show for it-
I was paying £950 a month to cover payments, and need £780 a month to pay for all of my commitments (food, children, car, petrol etc)-i am self employed and make on average £1100 a month. DOesn't take a mathematician to see WHY im up the creek!

I am seriuosly considering taking up child minding to make more money to pay off debt sooner.
Bunny

kathfisch

Bunny, it sounds like he really loves you and (after initial shock) he is most concerned that you have been unhappy all this time. That sounds to me very positive for your relationship, you have obviously got someone special there. I'm so glad that you have been talking to him, I mean really talking and realising why it has happened. Together you will be able to make sure it doesn't happen again.

It doesn't sound strange that you feel like laughing, it must be such a relief that he knows!

Childminding is a great idea, good luck if you do decide to do it!

Best wishes and (((hugs)))

Kath

AMILLIONDOLLARS

I'm glad he's speaking to you again!!:j

louise30_2

Bunny

Chin up girl! You have been very brave. My brother went through a similar thing. Eventually my parents found out and his girlfriend. He has found things incredibly difficult, but has pulled through and paid everything off by the summer (even though there were times when he thought he wouldn't). He worked things out and paid everything off last summer - seven years after realising there was a problem. His girlfriend helped him eventually and she is such a good money saver, they have even been to Australia a few times (visiting family) and have just moved in together!

halloweenqueen_2

I think he also needs to see how committed you are to getting out of the debt, is there anything you can sell to pay abit more back, you want to keep hubby more than the possessions. Have a look on eBay and see what sort of things are on there for sale amy give you some ideas, also car boot sales, its amazing the crap you can sell, the items you think will go don't and some old tat sells!
Have you worked out any deals with the loan providers?
Have a look at the old style money board, just saving a few £'2 amonth on something like washing powder all helps, if you can save a bit - you've effectively earnt that money!
Would Mr Bunny be able to help pay extra? He sounds like a good one bunny, I hope everything works out fine for you, at least the secrecy has gone.
Good luck!

duncans-mum_2

Bunny,

I think the hardest bit is over, just leave him to take it all in, it must have been a shock if he had no idea. You are sorting it out in a responsible manner and at least he will be able to see and respect that.

Hope it gets better for you soon.

x

Kaminari_2

You have taken the most important and biggest step and that was admitting the problem. That is the first step to doing something about it. when i first started dating my OH he kept it hidden for a year but the stress just got too much for him. When i started to suspect i told him to come clean with it all because i couldn't handle him being so depressed. It was hard at first but he only has £350 to go now and he finally sees the light at the end of the tunnel. Our relationship is blissful.

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi Bunny.

Just wanted to send you a big hug, well done for telling your husband. :grouphug:

pot
x

mrelephant_2

I hope all is still holding together for you and hubby, i wish that had happened with me, i was 62k in debt when my wife found out, but she didn't stand by me and that was just over 12mths ago. It has been the most difficult 12 mths of my life but thanks to everyone on here, which by the way i never new this site existed until 2mths ago, have been very supportive and suggestive towards how and what you can do to deal with the debt situation.

They have been brill and reassurred me at my lowest of low moments. So Bunny and anyone else who finds themselves in this situation whether you stay together or not,,,,i definately recommend you visit these boards to keep you sane and realise you're not alone in these darkest moments.

Bunnyinthelights

Just an update,
Things have been extremely tense (as you would only imagine!) but he is commited to helping me through this and getting our relationship back on track. I've been so unhappy for years hiding this stupid secret and dealing with my insecurities that led me down the path of spirialling debt.
It will take me 14 years to pay off the debt (by my estimation) with the minimum I can afford right now but since the burden of my lies are gone, I already feel as though everything is easier.
I already work from home but I am also registering to be a child minder-it will save me £152 p/m in fees PLUS hopefully add £150-£300 to throw at my debt once I get trained and some children. (fingers crossed!)
I am being extremely frugal and savvy now food shopping and it's quite addictive once you get into the savings frame-rather than 'sticking my head in sand' method I used to use.
Thanks again for everyone's support,
I hope one day I can return the favour.
Bunny