50K in debt-And now Hubby knows

mountainofdebt

I've just remembered something I read in a book about men and women - when women have problems they will talk about them even though they don't necessarily want an answer provided to them whereas men tend to go all 'cave man like' and retreat within themselves.

Just trying to say its not necessarily a bad thing if hubby goes all quiet.

Karma67

mountainofdebt wrote:

I've just remembered something I read in a book about men and women - when women have problems they will talk about them even though they don't necessarily want an answer provided to them whereas men tend to go all 'cave man like' and retreat within themselves.

Just trying to say its not necessarily a bad thing if hubby goes all quiet.

that's EXACTLY what my hubby does when he's worried etc!!

Well done Bunny for telling him, that took alot of courage! At least you don't have to hide it anymore and I@m sure once your hubby can get his head around the news things will begin to sort themselves up!

BTW good luck for your CCCS appointment!

pineapple_beach

Hi there
I ope you slept more easily for having told him - I know it was easier for me when my OH knew, sometimes I find it patronising when he asks me if I can afford things, but mostly it is easier that i don't have to explain why my/our lifestyle has to change, we ae to cut back...
Very best of luck - keep us posted.
x

nicola1982_2

Eventually your hubby will come to terms with it and it will be good for you to have somebody watching out for you. Like pineapple_beach my OH often questions my purchases and at first I got wound up, but now I know that Tesco Value kitchen appliances are just as good as branded ones and Cava tastes as nice as champagne! I've also stopped making spontaneous purchases and now all I have to do is cut down my present buying - I do it way too much!

murphy2

Well done Bunny,
i very recently have gone thru the same deal, told my wife all about it . It was a very rough time ( we still have our bad days ) . I couldnt see how we would come thru it all. But we have and life is SO much better for it , Skint but i can talk to her about it all now . Its true we men do deal with things diffrently, but in the long run we come to our senses and see what is really important. I have just started with CCCs it takes a while but its so worth it , it is truly life changing !! So i wish you good luck .

Bunnyinthelights

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your words of support. It has been a very silent night and morning.He came home but hasn't been speaking which I guess I can understand.
Now I need to show him all the info on cccs and what Im doing.
What should I do with my payments that haven't come out this month? Should I stop all DD's?
I really appreciate hearing about other couples that have come thru the same thing-it makes me hope it will be ok in the end.
Bunny

fairylights_2

:grouphug: Bunny

My OH hid the majority of our debt from me for a long time, thinking he could deal with it when he couldn't. It's made us stronger, as we've had to really pull together to sort it all.

You're sorting things with CCCS, and hopefully things will look better soon.

Good luck

bank_of_slate

Hi Bunny.

It's going to be hard for a while, I know what it was like when my husband opened my credit card statement. He didn't speak to me for a bit, but he came around and we are working things out together.

I would try approaching him, telling him what action you are taking to turn the situation around.

If he isn't ready for that discussion, write it all down in a letter for him to read and leave it for him, he may find that easier.
You can explain in the letter how sorry you are, how you know you have let him down and the reasons why you didn't tell him, ashamed, trying to manage it yourself etc...) and most importantly tell him how much you love him and want to work through it together.
Good luck hunny!
...Linda xx

AMILLIONDOLLARS

Well done Bunny, you did good!!

My advice would be to leave him alone for a bit, it's a lot to take in that your wife owes 50K and he can't see where the money went. Suspect he is very angry with you and himself for not seeing what was going on, and he's also seeing that 50k is a very large mountain climb.

I think that he's trying to come to terms with the fact that some of his dreams will have to be put on hold for a while, while you both sort this matter out. The mountain can be climbed, you just need to give him some time realise this.

I would try to have as normal a weekend as you possibly can. And then to try and tackle everything Monday morning. The hardest bit has now been done. Look forward

Good luck, God Bless

murphy2

Hi Bunny,
about your DDs , chat to CCCs they will give you advice over the phone ,But if cant afford them , then cancel them and contact your creditor and explain why and offer a small token payment , May help . Its the route i had to take, But everyonr is different.

About your OH, just take it slow , i am still racked with guilt, but doing something about even just a wee thing shows that your committed to sorting it out, I have had to eat a lot of Humble pie , but if thats the least i have to do then its fine by me. ( sorry not going on about me just trying to let you see that things can and will work )