advice on how to tackle ex

mspig

How old is your son?

Does he speak about his dad or ask to see him?

furby-2003

5 now

he calls him by his name because it's been so long. he never really asks to see him, mainly thier dog :-)

Becles

It isn't the grandparents fault that their son is an idiot. Please don't punish them for their sons actions. It isn't fair on them.

When I split with my ex, my in-laws were terrified in case I cut ties and refused access, but I never did. They live 350 miles away, so we don't see each other often, but we keep in touch by phone every couple of weeks and I post them artwork, school reports and other things the boys have done.

furby-2003

It's alright if you get on but when you want to just get on with your life it's so much hasstle. Especially when they put the fear of god into you when they call because you can't flipin say no!

furby-2003

they seem to be able to get anything out of me and i end up doing things i wouldn't really want to do.

I just want to get on with my life and keep him away from anything bad.

mspig

I think at 5 if he expressed an interest in wanting to see his dad then its too late to cut ties but if hes not interested and the dads not interested then let nature take its course.

Is his dad in jail for along time?
Also i don't want to know what your ex is inside for, but if it was someone else would you be worried letting your child near them or spend time with them? That is how i would work it out.

Also how does your son get on with the grand parents and how do they treat him?

You have to do what is best for your son and if that means cutting all ties then so be it, if its to allow him access to his dad/grandparents then unfortunately you will have to live with it.
But i wouldn't be pushed into a decision because you feel obliged to because of the way other think. All situations are different.

You can request that if they want to see him they can but under supervision, where you take your son to a meeting centre and then you leave the other party arrive spend time with your son and then you pick him up later.

Just a thought if you decide to let them have access.

krisskross

furby-2003 wrote:

i couldn't have them round my house my partner would never agree and i wouldn't want it. They have took him to the prison behind my back before.

I was actually feeling a bit sorry for them being a grandparent myself but then you posted the above!!

How dare they?

Becles

furby-2003 wrote:

It's alright if you get on but when you want to just get on with your life it's so much hasstle. Especially when they put the fear of god into you when they call because you can't flipin say no!

I never said I get on with them.

I tolerate them for the sake of my sons. They disagree with the way I'm bringing the boys up and have said hurtful things, but I just ignore it and let it wash over me. Stand firm and don't agree to anything you don't want to do, and ignore any bad comments they make.

It was wrong to take the child to prison behind your back, but perhaps they thought they were doing the best for their son? Make it clear in future that it isn't acceptable for them to take him to prison. Also lay down strict other rules and stick to them.

Don't completely ties now as your child might regret it in later life and blame you for ruining his relationship with his fathers family.

hjb123

If contact has to be had make sure it is through contact centres and that way they cant take him to the prison!

pdoff

krisskross wrote:

I was actually feeling a bit sorry for them being a grandparent myself but then you posted the above!!

How dare they?

apart from being a grandparent, which am not, i totally agree. my dh's brother is a bit of a ****. he has a 7 year old daughter that he couldn't give 2 **s about. however his mum loves her to bits & has her to stay every other weekend. he lives in the same house but works nights & is in bed during day instead of seeing her. we don't get on!! my point was that u can't put the the parents in the same boat as their son, but it sounds like in your case they are all as bad as each other. my mil takes bil's wage & makes sure child is paid for. she doesnt get on with childs mum (nor do we as she is a bit of a psycho - threatened baby with knives, dumped her in middle of road etc.) but she is polite cos otherwise childs mum uses child & says mil can't see her which then really upsets mil. i would do whatever son wants - if he wants to see them fine (sounds like u have good relationship where he will tell u what happens while he's there so u can deal with it.) if u forbid it & he wants to see them he may hold it against you. you have my sympathies for a difficult situation & i thank God dh is nothing like his brother. :grouphug: