advice on how to tackle ex

furby-2003

I left my ex 4 years ago. He has since then had many scrape with the law and now is in prison for the second time. I don't trust him!!!..I have a young son with him who rairly sees him and will never go and see him in prison. He has never paid any money but his parents want to see my son regular. Every 3 weeks. But to be honest they haven't seen him for 8 weeks since he went away again.

A lot of people say I should stay well alone and try and cut contact.

I know he has rights but what would you do?

p.s he has no interest in his child

Karnam

this sounds mean, but i would refuse the in laws access unless they force the son to pay up his child maintance back log.

black-saturn

Just ignore him and dont give him access to your child. He's not interested in the child and I dont think it will be in the childs best interest to see him so just stop contact. His parents will contact as soon as they start missing him and then you can make a decision as to whether it is beneficial for him to see them or not.

furby-2003

you see if they just went away and left me and my son alone i would quite happly forget about the money he owes me. :-)

Karnam

i wouldnt do that, surely any money, even for savings is entitled to you and little one? id ask for advice from child maintance people myself. and surely if parents are so desperate to see little one, then they'd force him to pay up. at least that way you and little one get something out of the arrangement for the future. afterall if his parents cant make him pay up then no one can!

furby-2003

because my ex he been in prison he doesn't he to pay anything for the time he was inside so that accounts for roughly 2 years the rest they are either too busy to sort out my problems and was told at the middle of last year id have to wait till this year until they would do anything. Some good that is not he's inside. The rest of the time aswell they could never get hold of him so they can only account for roughly £2000 if that of the last 4-5 years

mspig

I left my ex over 5 years ago due to problems similar to yours i did not let him see our son as he never had an interset in him.

My son does not and has never bothered about his biological father and i decided that if i was going to do this i would rather cut all ties including money. I have never taken a penny from him.
As for his family i have never let them see my son.

I since re-married and have other children and my son calls my husband dad and he gets treated no different.

I feel he is a better child for being treated wonderful my me than ran around and treated badly by his father and his family and seeing all the problems that this can cause.

Gingham_Ribbon

Karnam wrote:

this sounds mean, but i would refuse the in laws access unless they force the son to pay up his child maintance back log.

Sorry to hear things are so difficult. I have no advice on how to handle your ex. And I don't know anything about your little one's grandparents, but I do know that lots of grandparents are torn up over these things and just want to see their kin. If they really are interested in seeing him, could that be arranged? If you're worried they'd take him to prison to see his dad, could they visit you at your house?

I'm afraid I find the above post deplorable. Children aren't pawns to use to get your own way. And unless the grandparents are at fault here I cannot accept that this could in any way be acceptable.

mspig

My exs family knew where i lived and my phone number but they never so much as visited or picked up the phone once.
So why should i have picked up the phone and arrange for my son to visit them.

Also they didn't want me around anyway, as they had plenty of money and i was seen as a gold digger.
I was also offered when pregnant £25,000 to never see their son again, which i decided i wanted him not the money, now i wish i had taken the money. I'd of had more happiness anyway.

furby-2003

i couldn't have them round my house my partner would never agree and i wouldn't want it. They have took him to the prison behind my back before.

hjb123

Tell them that you are the sole financial contributor. If they can help contribute financially for a while then maybe they can have a chance of seeing him!