Care home fees & deprivation of assets

weanie

Once again, I agree totally with Monkeyspanner.
For some years, my mother was my father's carer and although she received very little in the way of financial benefits or agency support, this was because neither parent wanted to claim. Similarly, we took care of Mum in her own home and with little or no help until we felt mum would accept our communication with social services.
It is the case now that Mum would receive quite a lot of help from social services - daily visits, subsidised meals on wheels, OT help and appliances, a careplan etc etc. She also now is eligible for 'free' council tax, trips to a Day Centre, increased pension [SD Premium] and attendance allowance, upgrade of heating etc. It is a great pity that both parents were too proud and in denial of their own needs to request the support and help which is certainly available from Social Services to support their time in their own home.
Because of a reluctance to accept care [seen as giving in and weakness], many older people place an unreasonable burden on their families before considering approaching social services. This was the case in our situation.
I agree that the attitude of Social Services is to support home living for as long as possible. I just feel tht many families approach them too late.
We may now be in a position where Mum's needs may well be best met in residential care but I am in the process of trying the 'living with us' solution - which is also less than easy.
The responsibility of initiating a move to residential care is very weighty indeed.

seven-day-weekend

weanie wrote: »

Once again, I agree totally with Monkeyspanner.
For some years, my mother was my father's carer and although she received very little in the way of financial benefits or agency support, this was because neither parent wanted to claim. Similarly, we took care of Mum in her own home and with little or no help until we felt mum would accept our communication with social services.
It is the case now that Mum would receive quite a lot of help from social services - daily visits, subsidised meals on wheels, OT help and appliances, a careplan etc etc. She also now is eligible for 'free' council tax, trips to a Day Centre, increased pension [SD Premium] and attendance allowance, upgrade of heating etc. It is a great pity that both parents were too proud and in denial of their own needs to request the support and help which is certainly available from Social Services to support their time in their own home.
Because of a reluctance to accept care [seen as giving in and weakness], many older people place an unreasonable burden on their families before considering approaching social services. This was the case in our situation.
I agree that the attitude of Social Services is to support home living for as long as possible. I just feel tht many families approach them too late.
We may now be in a position where Mum's needs may well be best met in residential care but I am in the process of trying the 'living with us' solution - which is also less than easy.
The responsibility of initiating a move to residential care is very weighty indeed.

This reminds me of my neighbours' parents. The old lady was virtually immobile and spent most of her time sitting on a kitchen chair in the hall by the toilet, so that the old man could get here there in time.

She was entitled to all sorts of help, but they refused it all, they did not want 'strangers' in their home 'poking their noses' into their business. They even refused all mobility aids.

Whilst I agree that they have every right to make this choice, they were putting an awful strain upon their daughter, an only child, who worried about them constantly.

Why would it have been so bad to have someone come in to help the old lady wiith her mobility, or even if they refused that, have some mobility aids to increase her quality of life (and the old man's) and take some of the worry off the daughter?

Why didn't they want a better quality of life? It would have given them more independence, not less. I don't understand this attitude at all.

Errata

That people do thrive better and for longer in their own homes if they have a good care package as Weanie describes is backed up by peer reviewed academic research. I don't have a link.
Some older people find it difficult to accept outside help because of their own experience of caring for their parent(s) without need for outside help. It's difficult for them to remember that their parents were considerably younger when they needed care and/or help and the task wasn't as onerous.