Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

TurnaroundSue

lynzpower wrote: »

Sue,

Ive only just seen this.

From the very start of the thread, my feeling is- have you thought about some family therapy? Clearly over time you & OH have had difficulties managing his behaviour, and even stil today ( walking out when grounded etc)

I wonder whether a course of family therapy might bring out whats there and not being said?

That is what I am trying to get, but need to go to GP to try and get a referral for this. There is nowhere in my area that I can self refer us to get this therapy. I agree that this is something that we really need and want to do.

Many thanks for your advice.

UglyBetty

Hi Sue, I've just seen this too. Being a parent is the toughest, most rewarding yet most thankless task in the world and it can feel impossible sometimes. Hang on in there you may be able to get help via the GP. If you live in London or South East England, the Post-Adoption centre have some workshops for parents at low cost for parents. Although they are primarily aimed at adoptive and foster parents, they are also very good for any parents struggling to cope with their children's behaviour. If you live in one of the areas that subscribe to the centre you can get up to two free parent consultations with their therapists. Wherever you live you can access their advice line for free. The website is www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk. pm me if you want more info. It's exhausting but not insoluble,
best wishes

TurnaroundSue

UglyBetty wrote: »

Hi Sue, I've just seen this too. Being a parent is the toughest, most rewarding yet most thankless task in the world and it can feel impossible sometimes. Hang on in there you may be able to get help via the GP. If you live in London or South East England, the Post-Adoption centre have some workshops for parents at low cost for parents. Although they are primarily aimed at adoptive and foster parents, they are also very good for any parents struggling to cope with their children's behaviour. If you live in one of the areas that subscribe to the centre you can get up to two free parent consultations with their therapists. Wherever you live you can access their advice line for free. The website is www.postadoptioncentre.org.uk. pm me if you want more info. It's exhausting but not insoluble,
best wishes

Thanks for that Uglybetty - will log onto the site and have a look.

And a very BIG thank you to all who have been kind enough to give me their advice/help. Directly because of what people have posted I phoned the Ed Psych direct and I have an appointment for us with him on 6/3. I also have the school's agreement that he is being referred to the local Child Mental Health and Behavioural Unit. With my GP's letter to them also, we should get some help real soon.

I am very angry though as I found out yesterday that nearly 2 years ago my son was on the referral list for the Unit but because he chose to change schools (another story, only lasted there 6 weeks and then returned to his old school which he is in now) they took his name of the referral list :mad: . Even though many times I have asked for a referral to this Unit since his return to this school they haven't done anything about it til now. Had I known the facts that he would have been taken off the referral list if he changed schools then we would have been better informed to make the right decision. And even though it was a different school, why do they have to remove him from the list, when it is in the same local authority area? I mean it should have been a condition that the new school accept him with this referral and if they weren't prepared to do this then they should have refused to accept him under these terms. As parents, I feel that we were left completely in the dark about this and I feel really let down by the system.

As an update, my son has now been permanently excluded from his current school and we are gutted. There is still a glimmer of hope in that the school have offered a managed transfer to another school to finish his GCSE'S. It means that we have to get him there and back (at present he goes on the school bus) which will cause some difficulty as it is 15 miles away and me and OH both work and we have our daughter at another school who needs dropping off and picking up, but at least at the last moment they have given us (my ds) one last chance to finish his education.

Hopefully for the time being things are moving and hopefully we will get the help we need for our son's behaviour.

Sorry to ramble on, but I would just like to say once more a massive thank you to you all - it has helped more than you will ever know.

Mandles

Oh how awful. Sometimes we learn too late in life about how much you have to push for things. I should have pushed for my eldest but learnt too late that i had too. Luckily i have learnt from this and my little lad is getting everything and brilliant help as i am not taking no for an answer and being a right pain in the bum!

Good luck and i hope something happens for you soon.

TurnaroundSue

Mandles wrote: »

Oh how awful. Sometimes we learn too late in life about how much you have to push for things. I should have pushed for my eldest but learnt too late that i had too. Luckily i have learnt from this and my little lad is getting everything and brilliant help as i am not taking no for an answer and being a right pain in the bum!

Good luck and i hope something happens for you soon.

Thanks for your support Mandles - it is sad that we have to fight so hard to get support/help when it is obvious something is so seriously wrong. I am lucky that my dd is completely different, but I too have learnt hard lessons with what we have been through with my son and I would be the first to shout out of the roof tops to any parent that they need to persist and they need to shout. It is what our kids deserve and if we as parents aren't going to do it for them, then who is?

I am sorry to hear that you had the same struggles with your first son, but looks like you are getting the help you need for your second. I wish you good luck too, and once again many thanks for all your help, advice and support.

hethmar

I dont think people realise what a fight it is. They think the kid needs a good spanking or something and dont look at your other kids who have done really well in the educational system.

Ive broken my heart so many times over my youngest boy. Even my OH was in tears when he came to the school and saw boy stuck in a room with his face to a wall making glove puppets when the other kids were doing "proper" work. (and he has above average IQ) All because it basically made life easier for the school.

Anyway, to cut a long and very sad and traumatic story short we were on the point of taking the LEA to high court when they suddenly offered us a place in a private school.

People who havent been through all this have simply no idea and neither had we. It is very galling to hear the same old "needs boundaries, bad parenting" stuff being trotted out. Do people really think the kids want to be different or unhappy? Do they think it doesnt take a lot more energy to cope and fight for these kids than their own very conventional kids.

Good luck, you are on the road now. But do look at getting a representative to go with you as the LEA will try to do as little as possible.

TurnaroundSue

hethmar wrote: »

I dont think people realise what a fight it is. They think the kid needs a good spanking or something and dont look at your other kids who have done really well in the educational system.

Ive broken my heart so many times over my youngest boy. Even my OH was in tears when he came to the school and saw boy stuck in a room with his face to a wall making glove puppets when the other kids were doing "proper" work. (and he has above average IQ) All because it basically made life easier for the school.

Anyway, to cut a long and very sad and traumatic story short we were on the point of taking the LEA to high court when they suddenly offered us a place in a private school.

People who havent been through all this have simply no idea and neither had we. It is very galling to hear the same old "needs boundaries, bad parenting" stuff being trotted out. Do people really think the kids want to be different or unhappy? Do they think it doesnt take a lot more energy to cope and fight for these kids than their own very conventional kids.

Good luck, you are on the road now. But do look at getting a representative to go with you as the LEA will try to do as little as possible.

I echo everything you have written Hethmar - and I will definitely phone the council to see if they have parent befriender, but if they don't who would you suggest that we should take?

hethmar

Hi, not the council!! You need to contact a local organisation or rep - try adders and ask them or your local Citizens advice bureau.

TurnaroundSue

hethmar wrote: »

Hi, not the council!! You need to contact a local organisation or rep - try adders and ask them or your local Citizens advice bureau.

Thanks Hethmar - most probably why I haven't been able to find a parent befriender on the council's website then!!!!!!!!!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: Will contact adders and see if they can help. Many thanks for your continued help and support.

fifik41

You need to see your GP and get them to refer you to get your son checked for ADHD and ODD which often go hand in hand. My son is 16 now and i finally after years of trying got him diagnosed at 14. He now has medication which is helping. People who say ADHD doesnt exist really anoy me and obviously have not experienced having a child with ADHD.