Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

TurnaroundSue

hethmar wrote: »

You may be cheeky and ring CAMHs directly.

The school will, as you have found out, try to wash their hands of it as any special assistance will come out of their budget and may mean a new hall carpet cant be funded this year! (Believe me, that is the case). And also remember, the Ed Psych is employed by the LEA and will not fall over himself to make an assessment. CAMHs I found much better as they are not funded by the LEA and much more independent in their assessments.

Get a parent befriender - when I sat in youngest boys school with the LEA rep and some of his teachers and then gave them a form saying who would be representing me, their faces blanched - I swear they did. The person representing me had recently taken the governors of another school to court for lack of action over another child.

That is very interesting Hethmar - I didn't think that there would be an alterior (sp?) motive why nothing has been done about my son - I just thought that they were too lazy, too busy, couldnt really be bothered etc etc, but not that. I am shocked and angry!!:mad:

Why didn't I post on here years ago and why have I been so lax (on hindsight) - even though I felt that we had done all we could and our hands were tied, this appears not to have been the case - I feel to a certain degree that I have let my son down. Will definitely find out about a parent befriender and see if I can get anything done now seeing as he is due to finish school in a few months (that is if he isn't kicked out first). Now I am angry:mad: :mad: :mad:

tattoed_bum

even though he is due to finish school shortly please do not let this stop you trying to get some help for your son, finding something that helps his behaviour and helps you to cope with it will help in the long run,

Dont blame yourself for this , it is a very difficult thing to get a diagnosis and the behavioural plan can be really strict with lots of bounderies set in place .
good luck as being with my friend a lot i can see how much of a struggle and how stressful this can be

hethmar

"That is very interesting Hethmar - I didn't think that there would be an alterior (sp?) motive why nothing has been done about my son - I just thought that they were too lazy, too busy, couldnt really be bothered etc etc, but not that. I am shocked and angry"
Oh, its probably ALL that plus the finances


I think we all start off feeling its our fault, we all start off believing the teachers/school are there to help us and sadly most of us find this isnt the case and thats when we start getting angry . You have to be prepared to fight, fight and fight otherwise you will be swept aside.

Please go to adders.org - ask for help and advice and local contacts. I havent been on there in years now but I was really at the end of my tether when I first found them. Son had, at 16, disappeared one day - went out on a cold day, no coat and said hed be back in an hour. We didnt find him for 3 weeks. So, be assured, you are not alone and its not due to you - and you can get some help.

PolishBigSpender

Can I just ask how things are going with the original poster's son?

I hope/trust that everything is well.

TurnaroundSue

tattoed_bum wrote: »

even though he is due to finish school shortly please do not let this stop you trying to get some help for your son, finding something that helps his behaviour and helps you to cope with it will help in the long run,

Dont blame yourself for this , it is a very difficult thing to get a diagnosis and the behavioural plan can be really strict with lots of bounderies set in place .
good luck as being with my friend a lot i can see how much of a struggle and how stressful this can be

Many thanks for your support and good words. Things are going from bad to worse and we are not getting any support even though we are crying out for it. Have made an appointment with GP coz when I rang appropriate service which I believe could be of benefit to us they told us that GP needs to make a referral as we cannot self refer. Am waiting for Ed Psych to get back to me. Phoned Monday and left message so chased again today - leaving another message. Have also phoned about 4 other services today in our area and they all say the same that GP has to make referral. So when I go there tomorrow (hopefully snow forecast wont materialize and I can get to docs) I will be demanding these referrals and praying that I will get somewhere.

My ds was arrested and cautioned by police last night (first time ever and hopefully the last) and I am really at the end of my tether. Don't know which way to turn as seem to just hit brick walls at every turn I take. I am desperate as feel that everything is spiraling out of control and there is nothing I can do about it. We ground him, he just walks out, so today when he did it I phoned the Police and gave a description of what he looks like, but because at this moment in time we are not worried about his safety then there is little they can do. Even if they do see him wandering the streets, they are not necessarily going to bring him home - arrrrrrggggghhhhhhh I could scream. All I want is some help so why is it so bl**dy hard to get any.

Sorry I speak in terms of 'I' but they should refer to as 'we' as his dad and I are very much singing from the same hymn sheet and are both desperate in how to change the situation we now find ourselves in.

Ed Psych has just phoned me back and told me to talk to GP to get referral to relevant service, whilst he needs to speak to the school and get their take on ds's behaviour and position. He was very cynical when I mentioned ODD and has said what alot of others have said on here. I told him that I really wasn't out to find a label for my son just trying to get the help that he desperately needs.

hethmar

Sorry to hear this - but its par for the course, so dont get low - you will get there, honest.

Did you go to the adders.org site - do go and tell them all this and ask for advice.

Re the Ed Psych - NEVER tell them what you think he has. Wait until you get them to actually assess him and in the meantime get your backing. They never refer to any sort of ADD/ODD/ADHD or even dyslexia in their reports, its always something vague like "specific learning difficulty". Thats why the CAMHS pyschiatrists are so much better they dont seem tohave a fear of coming up with a diagnosis.

When you go to GP tell him that behaviour has worsened and son has been arrested. Make it clear that you have had concerns since he was a toddler. That you never know what he will do next. Tell him you and OH are having difficulty coping with the worry.

Mandles

That is strange. I have NEVER seen the doctor about my DS . I have gone through this process 2 months ago so cannot see that it has changed in that time. I could be wrong and apologise if i am but i still think that you first send a letter in to the educational phsychiatrist first requesting a statutory assessment and maybe(but you get your chance to do it later) mention what his behaviour is. I personally would write it anyway and send by recorded delivery. Things start to roll then and to be honest what have you got to lose? By the way, it thankfully is down to more than one person to decide so dont be put off by him(i have never seen the one that i originally wrote to as someone else can to assess my DS.

Edit . And don't feel bad for saying what you think he has got. I did the same. Fair enough that we are not trained but as parents we know if something is wrong.

http://www.blackburn.gov.uk/server.php?show=ConWebDoc.2152 This is Blackburn but this is the general prosess for you requesting a statement. I suggest you type in "parental request statutory assessment (and the county that you are in))" into google and compare.

hethmar

I dont think the OP meant she needed to see GP for the assessment request, but for the referrals she wanted to other agencies. The Ed Psych has already said he will be speaking to the school. But do put your request in writing and start now keeping a file of everything said and sent! Oh and DO go as a couple to every meeting and even to the GP as it will show solidarity and make them take you that bit more seriously.

Its ok saying what you think he has, but it will immediately put the LEA and the Ed Pych on guard. Allow them to muse over the assessment and then wham in. As I said, adders.org have centuries of experience between them - they are the ones who could advise. I think they also have template letters on there.

TurnaroundSue

Thanks for your replies - I have been on adders.org a number of times since it was first mentioned on here last week, but did not think that they would help me as he hasn't been diagnosed with ADHD or anything else. I will go back onto the site today and see where I can go.

We certainly are at the end; on one hand I don't know how much longer I can cope with this behaviour and just want to tell him to go, but on the other (and this is the greater at the moment) he is my son, my heart aches for him and I want to get him the help he so obviously needs and not give up on him.

lynzpower

Sue,

Ive only just seen this.

From the very start of the thread, my feeling is- have you thought about some family therapy? Clearly over time you & OH have had difficulties managing his behaviour, and even stil today ( walking out when grounded etc)

I wonder whether a course of family therapy might bring out whats there and not being said?